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Relationships | May 28, 2009

15 questions to ask before getting married

Melinda Maximova's photo
SF Relationship Matchmaking Examiner

Before considering marriage, or getting seriously involved in a relationship, one should really check references, much like a prospective employer checks references for a job applicant.  Think of all the time, money and heartache that would be saved if everyone got the real story from a former wife or ex boyfriend.  After all, checking applicants' references is one of the most important procedures in the hiring process for a job.  Is marriage really any different?  Get the goods on a mate before you tie the knot. Qualifying a fiancé’s attitude, skills, and attendance record before taking a serious plunge shows due diligence on your part and will protect you from being a next, ex husband or ex wife.

Before embarking on your 3rd party inquisition however, be sure to inform your “honey bun” that you will be checking references and will need the phone numbers of at least three past lovers before the relationship can expand.  This either scares them away at the onslaught, or insights an instant recount of all past relationships citing their side of the story. Let them know that you will be verifying basics such as sexual proclivity, finances, and domestic duties, looking for discrepancies. For example: How did he/she contribute to toilet washing, credit card expenditure or initiating sex?  These are all fair questions with telling results. Don’t forget the most important question of all, would they marry someone like that again? You can determine a lot from this answer and don’t be too shy to pry.

You can also use former neighbors or in laws as references too. If your fiancé is dragging their heels on passing out an ex’s number, contact the ex mother in law, or ex’s best friend.  I am sure they would both be more than happy to spread some light on the topic.  Remember, there are always others who were familiar with the past relationship and can provide a reference if you have trouble contacting the ex directly.

The following are 15 critical questions to ask your fiancé’s ex

  • What was their fidelity record?
  • What were their domestic responsibilities?
  • Did they come home promptly after work or were they frequently late?
  • Did they drink or do drugs behind your back?
  • How would you rate their fiscal responsibility?
  • Can you evaluate their sexual performance and frequency?
  • Did they get along with your mother?
  • Did they supervise the children effectively?
  • How did they handle pressure and stress?
  • What did they accomplish while with you?
  • How would you rate their communication skills?
  • Were they a team player?
  • How did they respond to constructive criticism?
  • Why did you split?
  • Would you marry this person again?

For more information contact Melinda Maximova, matchmaker with Perfect Search melinda@theperfectsearch.com

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SF Relationship Matchmaking Examiner

Melinda Maximova is a dyed-in-the-wool romantic and in love with love. She is founder and matchmaker with Perfect Search, a Bay Area, VIP...

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