Singer Rihanna speaks of Domestic Violence and her assault by former boyfriend Chris Brown, in the latest issue of Glamour Magazine. Glamour Magazine chose her as one of their "Women of the year." Although the article does not go into depth about her experience of domestic violence or any treatment she may have received, she does openly discuss the shame and isolation she endured.
Rihanna stated that her family and friends were supportive, "...But at some point you are there alone. It’s a lonely place to be—no one can understand."
Many women who have suffered from domestic violence also feel that same sense of loss and loneliness. The shame women feel from choosing an abusive partner and feeling that they "allowed" it to happen can also contribute to not seeking help. Sometimes when women do reach out for support from their families or friends, they feel judged and retreat more.
Women who find themselves with abusive partners typically do not have media hounding them day and night after their abuse is reported to authorities. They also do not have the public scrutinizing their involvement and reactions.
One of the most painful difficulties of the disclosure, was the photo of her injuries that was leaked to the press. As she stated to Glamour, "It was humiliating; that is not a photo you would show to anybody. I felt completely taken advantage of. I felt like people were making it into a fun topic on the Internet, and it’s my life. I was disappointed, especially when I found out the photo was [supposedly leaked by] two women."
Most women, not in the public eye, have an opportunity to heal privately and can choose who they want to share their experience with. Often it takes time to understand the situation for themselves before they tell their story to others. While "going public" or being in a support group with other women who have suffered from domestic violence can be healing, it really needs to be under the control of the victim to choose what is right for her and when.
Unfortunately, for Rihanna that choice was not an option for her when it became public knowledge. Now she does have a choice and her thoughts are that, " The positive thing that has come out of my situation is that people can learn from that. I want to give as much insight as I can to young women, because I feel like I represent a voice that really isn’t heard. Now I can help speak for those women."
For Rihanna, hopefully the choice to help others heal is truly her choice and in her best interest, and not pushed upon her by her publicity team.
For more information on domestic violence : http://www.domesticviolence.org/common-myths/
http://http://www.ndvh.org/
For more articles: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-785-Relationship-Examiner~y2009m7d22-Relationships-in-the-news-Chris-Brown--issues-apology-to
Comments
What a hypocritical article. Only "women" are victims? Why are male victims left totally invisible as usual?
Rihanna wants to "shed light" on DV but not discuss her own violence toward Chris? Court records say she hit him in the face "numerous times" before he assaulted her. http: / / news.ninemsn.com.au/entertainment/768865/rihanna-hit-chris-brown-first
No, that doesn't justify his much worse violence, but it shouldn't be ignored either. "There is no excuse" applies to both sexes. Even minor DV often leads to an escalation and hurts kids who see it.
A 32-nation study by the University of New Hampshire found women are as violent and controlling as men in relationships worldwide. http: / / www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2006/may/em_060519male.cfm?type=n
A major study funded by the Centers for Disease Control found the same thing. http: / / pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/31-a
Over 200 studies show the same. www . csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
Maybe because domestic violence rates AGAINST women that is actually reported is a thousand times higher than domestic vioelence against men that is reported. And has been for decades now.
It cracks me up to see "men" these days crying about double standards that we've set in stone ourselves. It's hilarious what a pansy pathetic whiny mentality little boys have these days. Pathetic.
According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women are the victims of about 4.8 million physical assaults and rapes by their partners every year. Less than 20 percent of battered women seek medical treatment following an injury.
According to the Journal of the American Medical Association:
... domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and cancer deaths combined. Other research has found that half of all women will experience some form of violence from their partners during marriage, and that more than one-third are battered repeatedly every year.
Rihanna's celebrity pushed the issue to the forefront of our national conversation; unfortunately, most of the dialogue surrounding the incident hasn't done much to advance an intelligent, empathetic discussion about the problem.
Sam said: "Maybe because domestic violence rates AGAINST women that is actually reported is a thousand times higher than domestic vioelence against men that is reported. And has been for decades now."
No, Sam. Women are more likely than men to report it, so it's male victims who are fare more underreported. That's why crime data shows higher numbers of women but the emprical, randomized research always shows equal perpetration between men and women.
Jay, you're citing statistics without giving the male victims. How come? The same data says "every year there are 4.8 million incidents of intimate partner assaults and rapes against women and 2.9 against men, with 25% of the deaths being men. http : / / www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/ipv_factsheet.pdf
Even by your own data, men make 40% of the victims. Why should the minority be ignored?
Also, that is based And the data you cite comes from crime data, not randomized sociological data.
Sam, both men and women discriminate against both men and women, in different ways. It doesn't matter who the discriminator is. When mothers genitally cut their daughers, it's still a human rights violation. When black cops racially profile blacks, it's still discrimination. When male judges discriminate against fathers or give men higher sentences than women for the same crime, it's still discrimination. When male politicians (pushed by feminist groups BTW) pass laws that exclude male victims of DV or rape, exclude men from forced labor laws, force only men into military conscription, or ignore men's health, etc., it's still discrimination. Both men and women protect women first and neglect men's equal rights. You can laugh, but more and more men and women worldwide (Africa, Asian, Latin American, Europe) are speaking out against anti-male discrimination and misandry. Read The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell and see http : / /www.ncfm.org/?page_id=482
Masculism is "the belief that men have been systematically discriminated against, and that that discrimination should be eliminated." (Oxford Companion to Philosophy.) Masculism looks at how the protector/provider expectation has given men no choice but to go out and earn-earn-earn, resulting in shorter lifespans, higher mortality rates for the ten leading causes of death, the vast majority of homeless adults, incarcerations, occupational deaths/injuries, suicide deaths, dropouts, combat deaths/injuries, and institutional discrimination against men in child custody, military conscription, criminal sentencing, forced labor laws, domestic violence laws, paternity laws, public health policies (prostate cancer, genital cutting, etc.), education and other areas. A Masculist approach is needed to balance to how we approach gender issues so that there is a concern for both sexes and that the inequalities of both sexes are addressed, not just one sex. See The Myth of Male Power.
Masculism is "the belief that men have been systematically discriminated against, and that that discrimination should be eliminated." (Oxford Companion to Philosophy.) Masculism looks at how the protector/provider expectation has given men no choice but to go out and earn-earn-earn, resulting in shorter lifespans, higher mortality rates for the ten leading causes of death, the vast majority of homeless adults, incarcerations, occupational deaths/injuries, suicide deaths, dropouts, combat deaths/injuries, and institutional discrimination against men in child custody, military conscription, criminal sentencing, forced labor laws, domestic violence laws, paternity laws, public health policies (prostate cancer, genital cutting, etc.), education and other areas. A Masculist approach is needed to balance to how we approach gender issues so that there is a concern for both sexes and that the inequalities of both sexes are addressed, not just one sex. See The Myth of Male Power.
"The shame women feel from choosing an abusive partner and feeling that they "allowed" it to happen can also contribute to not seeking help." This is an extremely misleading way to state this - you make it sound as if women seek abusive relationships, whether you meant to or not. Women do not choose to be in an abusive relationship or seek abusive partners, and abusive behavior generally doesn't begin on the first date. Most abusers begin their controlling behavior after trust and fondness have been established, after an emotional investment has been made. Be more careful with your word choice next time.
Jessica you point out misleading statements in the article but then you make misleading statements too by only talking about female victims, leaving male victims invisible just like the article did and just like Jay did in her posts. Again, this is the usual one-sided, hypocritical double standards that we constantly see in domestic violence reporting. Male victims and their children have been ignored, neglected, ridiculed and downplayed, and left out of public policies, for 40 years, and your comments and those of this article just continue that same mentality.
Marc - instances of domestic violence are highly under reported for both men and women, but especially so for men. Because of societal expectations, men are less likely to report for fear of being ridiculed as week or feminine. It's also under reported in same gender relationships for a variety of reasons. But one has to recognize gender inequalities between men and women as well as general size differences between men and women that make it much easier (and more common) for men to be abusive toward women.
"When male politicians (pushed by feminist groups BTW) pass laws that exclude male victims of DV or rape..." That's just an ignorant comment that has no basis in reality. All family violence laws apply to both men and women. There are acts that specifically address women, such as VAWA, that exist because women are an underrepresented group that needs protection. These acts exist to protect women from preexisting laws that legalized things like rape in marriage.
Jessica said:"But one has to recognize gender inequalities between men and women as well as general size differences between men and women that make it much easier (and more common) for men to be abusive toward women."
One has to also recognize that men aren't allowed to hit back and most men are raised not to hit women and won't hit women, so that makes it easier for women to abuse men, and they do so all the time. Men are also afraid of getting arrested or having their kids taken from them. And women use weapons and surprise to make up for strength diffeences. DV is not like a boxing match. When you live with someone, the weaker person can make attacks all the time by surprise or throwing things, and the data shows women use weapons in DV more than men. And then there are disabled men, mentally disabled men, elderly men, etc. There is no excuse at all for ignoring male victims, period.
Jessica said: "That's just an ignorant comment that has no basis in reality. All family violence laws apply to both men and women."
No, your comment is ignorant. Fathers have historically been denied equal parenting rights with mothers. The 19th Century “tender years” doctrine explicitly gave mothers presumed custody for children age 13 and younger. Even after being replaced by the “best interests of the child” doctrine, the tender years doctrine still thrived.
As late as 1971, the Minnesota State Bar Association’s handbook advised lawyers and judges that “except in very rare cases, the father should not have custody of the minor children. He is usually unqualified psychologically and emotionally.” See http : / /www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1101011119-183968,00.html
Today, fathers usually ask for 50% custody while mothers ask for and usually get 80% custody. http : / /www.law.fsu.edu/journals/lawreview/downloads/254/mcneely.pdf
Jessica said: "There are acts that specifically address women, such as VAWA, that exist because women are an underrepresented group that needs protection. These acts exist to protect women from preexisting laws that legalized things like rape in marriage."
It doesn't matter what it "aims" to do, if it's gender specific then it's discriminatory. VAWA explicitly excludes American Indian men, and it's very title is discriminatory too. Should be have a "Men's Occupational Safety and Health Act" just because 92% of job deaths happen to men? It is sexist. Why should the "minority" be ignored and excluded? (And as I showed, men aren't the minority of DV victims anyway, they just report it less and get little attention, outreach or services).
An Urban Institute study entitled “What About the Dads?” found that CPS case workers attempted to contact fathers of children at risk in their mothers care only a little over half the time. That was true even though they knew the father’s identity in 86% of cases. http : / /aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/06/cw-involve-dads/rs.htm
Fathers are also frequently subjected to false accusations and restraining order abuse in order to gain an advantage in divorce or custody. The California State Bar has expressed concern about the rising abuse of restraining orders in divorce.
http : / /www.cafcusa.org/docs/family-law-news_TRO_RO_Pages%2026thru30_Vol27-Number4_2005-1.pdf
Dad's are even stigmatized for taking parental leave or denied equal rights to take it. http : / /news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/8149702.stm
So I'll say it again. Ignoring female DV does NOT help solve the problem. It only gives a one-sided lie. Court records say she hit him in the face "numerous times" before he assaulted her. http: / / news.ninemsn.com.au/entertainment/768865/rihanna-hit-chris-brown-first
That doesn't justify his violence but it shouldn't be ignored either. "There is no excuse" applies to both sexes. Even minor DV often leads to an escalation and hurts kids who see it.
A 32-nation study by the University of New Hampshire found women are as violent and controlling as men in relationships worldwide. http: / / www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2006/may/em_060519male.cfm?type=n
A major study funded by the Centers for Disease Control found the same thing. http: / / pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/31-a
Over 200 studies show the same. www . csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
http: / /www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
"This bibliography examines 256 scholarly investigations: 201 empirical studies and 55 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 253,500."
Jessica I just re-read your post in which you claim the laws treat male victims equally, and you accuse me of "ignorance." Seriously, you don't know what you're talking about. In the past year courts in California had to strike down the law that explicitly excluded male victims from services. These laws had existed for years. Male victims get sent far away because the state-funded programs won't even give them a hotel voucher.
10/14/08 ABC News
http : //abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/politics&id=6453627
Woods v. Horton decision in 2008 in California
http : //www.cpedv.org/docs/101608CPEDV-Woods_v_Shewry_Decision.pdf
And just last month a court in West Virginia had to strike down similar regulations and the decision specifically says male victims were bening denied help.
10/8/09 Associated Press
http : //www.sfexaminer.com/local/ap/judge-wva-shelter-rules-biased-against-men-63771622.html
Do your research before accusing others of ignorance.
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