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The twenty-first century has spawned a sort of equal opportunity for cheating. It is no longer a predominantly male issue. In a 2008 poll, taken by the University of California, Irvine, statistics showed that women are twice as likely to cheat on their spouses during the first five years of marriage.
When we hear about infidelity it is mostly from a woman’s point of view. Women are the victims, women have been used and deceived; their trust has been betrayed. It is a terrible experience.
But men are just as much victims of infidelity as women. They just refuse to talk about it.
Men are less likely than women to openly acknowledge that their spouse is cheating and, even if they grudgingly admit it to themselves, it is very unlikely that they will discuss the infidelity with anyone else. While women usually have a support group of females who are sympathetic to their pain, most men keep the hurt and deception buried deep inside, seeing the infidelity as a slur on their manhood.
Besides the unfaithfulness there are other aspects of his life with which he has to deal; children, money, and the end of a secure sexual relationship.
As a father, he fears he will not be the custodial parent and will have to fight for visitation rights.
Financially, since the man is usually the one who moves out of the home, he worries about how he will be able to support two separate households.
And as far as salvaging a marriage, while women may stay with a husband who has cheated, and even resume sexual relations, a man is more likely to end it. His self-esteem makes it almost impossible to see himself with “another man’s woman.” Primitive as it may seem that is the reality of it. Very few men can return to sexual relations with a wife who has cheated.
There are therapists who are now specializing in counseling men through this difficult part of their lives. Counseling and time are necessary components to heal anyone who has been the victim of a cheating spouse, female or male.
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© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton
Do you put your own happiness on hold just to make other people happy? Learn how to put your life first in Kristen Houghton's new book "And Then I'll Be Happy!"due in stores 12/22/09 Pre-order it today.
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Comments
Cheating has never been just the domain of men. Thanks for bringing that to the forefront Ms. Houghton
Thank you Kristen for this thought-provoking article. My wife cheated on me and I felt like dog droppings. She made me feel I had somehow failed her. Yeah right, that's why she cheated. Sure. Anyway, thanks Kristen. Good read.
Why do men feel a slur on their Manhood? THat part of them is not the reason women cheat. It is a lack of kindness and just being nice that drives women to another man.
There is no excuse for cheating, even if they guy (or girl) is horrible. That's what divorce or splitting is for. Nobody deserves it.
Anyone victimized experiencing a host of negative feelings. I agree with Kristen that's why my book deals with knowing what to do if you suspect infidelity. The More You Know - Getting the evidence and support to investigate a troubled relationship was endorsed by Dr. Phil.
Learn more at 7daydetective.com/books2.html
I just found out my wife was cheating. I suspected it. I gave her opportunities to end it but she did not. I had to call her out on it. She did come clean about the affair, but why would she do it eventhough i had a clue?
Greetings Bill Mitchell, 7DayDetective. Many thanks for the comment. We must change the link on the right to be more descriptive.
Boy did you ever nail it Kristen!
All women want is your paycheck and your family jewels. Shoulda written that Houghton
Oops, I made a mistake. She took my paycheck and my family jewels. If that's all you have to say then SHE deserves both.
Joanie- I don't know that a "lack of kindness and just being nice" was the reason my ex cheated. I think it had more to do with the excitement of having a naughty little secret. When I was single I had my share of married women, and it always seemed that way. I guess I deserved it, so I don't really blame the guy for doing something I had done in my younger days.
Almost 2 years ago- i still cant handle it. what compunds it is that i'm an average-build guy, and she cheated with this:
fling.com/profiles/men/B/barry2times.html
Women have become more independent in this society, fantastic, all for it, truely!!! With that independence comes the responsibility to not use that excuse to become self centered, and get the "whoa is me," attitude! All that is written and talked about seems to be why women cheat and a thinly veiled excuse to justify it, "he did this, he didn't do that b.s." When will we be able to read, or hear of when women cheat not the man's shortcomings but the women's insecurities, ("I" don't get this, "I" don't get that, "me," "me," "I," "I," bs. that lead them to cheat. With women it seems as though it is always the spouses "fault." When will we live in a society where women take their share of the responsibility for "there," actions. After all "they," decided to cheat nobody made them cheat. A song comes to mind, "Are you strong enough to be my man." It is ok for women to be self centered and think of "ther," needs. While men are told to "be men, just "suck it up." What a double standard soc
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