If you look at the media ads on television and in magazines you will find a "miracle" drug for whatever ails you. From RLS, (restless leg syndrome), to arthritis, to erectile dysfunction, to vaginal dryness there's a miracle drug or cream. The pharmaceutical companies tout these products with the same zeal and fervor formerly seen in snakeoil salesmen of the late 1800's. Miracle drugs! Pills for your ills! Cure-all creams! Step right up, sucker!
But there is one difference in the ineffective but harmless "medicines" those snakeoil salesmen were selling and the highly touted miracle pills of 2009. The ones that are so easily obtainable today can literally damage or kill you.
The warnings, printed in small print of course on endless pamphlets, list everything from dizziness, faintness, and nausea to sudden death! Sudden death?! I can hear a hurried conversation taking place in a pharmaceutical board meeting now.
"Yes, well, Jim, we do know, sudden death is a bit of a problem. I mean the drug is good, effective, and approved by the FDA. It would be perfect if it wasn't for that SD warning. But, you know, what can we do? That's life....or, ummm, death, uh, I guess."
Now I realize that all products, even baby aspirin are required to carry warnings, but still some of the drugs seem to have warnings on their labels that make a person have to choose between feeling better or being dead. And sometimes dead isn't the worst effect. There's something called severe senility.
Take the often used vaginal cream, Premarin. It is prescribed by doctors for menopausal women to relieve vaginal dryness and burning. Women who use it say it not only makes sex comfortable, it also promotes vaginal health making this area feel pretty much as normal as before menopause. A cure-all cream indeed! There's only one problem - it can cause dementia.
The choice between having a normal sex life by using the cream and possibly getting dementia or not using it and having an uncomfortable dry vagina, but less risk of dementia, is a tough decision. Since we're living longer, we definitely want to have good quality of life and that includes healthy, normal sex. Do we have to choose between dryness and dementia? It's a no-win situation to my way of thinking. I really am not looking forward to having to choose between the two in my future.
Men don't get off so easily either, no pun intended. Even with the popular erectile dysfunction cure-all pills for men there comes a major warning. Men taking these pills may be in danger of priapism, a painful erection that lasts for more than four hours and develops when blood in the penis becomes trapped and unable to drain. If the condition is not treated immediately, it can lead to scarring and permanent penile damage. So the drug you're taking to help your sex life can possibly end your sex life, now there's a conundrum. How do you win in this case?
I know there have to be warning labels; if there weren't, drug companies would be sued more than they are now. The warnings are scary though because they're real and people will think twice before using them. I hate to think what these choices are doing to society though. We're going to end up being dry, flaccid, and frustrated. Our minds will be okay, we won't be senile and we'll still be living......in a matter of speaking.
We just won't be enjoying it.
"Everything's Personal, Nothing's Sacred" appears every Friday in Kristen's Column.
© 2009 all rights reserved Kristen Houghton
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Comments
This is more like the ha-ha's we need! Thanks Kristen. Sorry we got to you late big meetings going on. yeah right! Great laughs!
Hilarious!
Obviously Ms. Houghton you are not a member of the menopause matrons yet. Dryness is not funny. You write well and your humor usually is something I like. This hit too close to home for me and my gals.
We love this! Keep going Kristen. You're the best!
so funny------thanks!
Right on Kris! Funny but also true. We need to address all concerns and make informed choices. Thanks!
Dear Zentime644,
As her husband and sometimes advisor on material, Kristen and I discussed this topic quite frequently well before the column was written.
The article was intended to find humor within a very serious subject, that being the healthcare system in our country.
We do not believe the pharmaceutical companies serve the best interests of all concerned, in other words, the people.
We do believe our country to be overmedicated, overpriced for medications and overindulged in fine print which does not thouroughly expain in common language, the effects of medications on individuals. Let's face it. In many cases a person would need an attorney to translate the verbiage.
We urge all readers to contact their representatives in the Congress and Senate (Oh what the hell...email the president!) and tell all to get to work on reforming all aspects of healthcare.
Take care.
Good Morning,
Well, I'm 52 & almost in menopause. It was very good to see your article. In regards to Zentime's comment, I really don't think Kristen wrote this to offend anyone who is going through this. Or any other medical problems.
I have known her on-line for a long time now & she is a very compassionate, caring, lady with alot of talent & humor.
I am dealing with a 10yr. illness due to GI & other problems. Even though it has been a living, longtime, on-going nightmare, I find that having a sense of humor about my condition/illness helps me alot. It's good for me to joke around a bit about it with other people who are ill & who are not ill. It gets me through each day.
Trust me, I can certainly understand the frustration of dealing with certain health & medical issues. Kristen is not out to put any one down or hurt them in any way. I'm wishing for everyone to have a real nice weekend!
Lighten up Zen, this is comedy. I'm in menopause and the idea that I have to choose between dryness or dementia is funny! I choose to take my chances with dementia. I'm 56 and my husband is 45. Honey we are active!
This is so funny! My guy and I laughed until we cried. Great way to start the weekend. Thanks Kristen for this series
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