Yesterday the lovely women of The View were giving their opinions (as usual) on various hot topics. Barbara Walters is having her show that features the 10 most fascinating people of 2008 aired on ABC tomorrow. Since Barbara Walters is also a creator and host on The View, she gave those viewers a sneak preview of the show yesterday. She interviewed Will Smith this year and of course he discussed his marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith. One of the things he said is that “divorce is not an option” for them.
Well some of the ladies of The View felt that sometimes divorce needs to be an option when you’ve worked at it very hard and it’s just not working. That got me to thinking. I am not a married woman and I have never been engaged or even almost engaged but one of the biggest reasons is because I take marriage very seriously. Even if I was in a relationship where the guy I was dating mentioned marriage, I have always known that it wouldn’t be something I would enter into lightly. I typically don’t take marriage talk seriously until the relationship has shown that it has staying power without the ring and ceremony. Since I’m still single, apparently none of mine have shown that staying power.
Comments
I am not so cynical to believe that most people enter marriage viewing it as temporary condition. I am a divorce attorney. Most of my clients entered into their marriages in the good faith belief that they would spend the remainder of their lives with their spouses. But, life is not linear or always go as planned. Relationships evolve. People change. Two people, just because they are wed, do not necessarily grow at the same rate or in the same direction. When a couple no longer shares the same goals, visions or values and their differences can no longer be reconciled, even after counseling, should they be compelled to remain together? For what purpose?
Then, there are the issues of infidelity, domestic violence and substance abuse. Trust and respect are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. If one of the spouses has been badly betrayed and the marital relationship has irretrievably broken down, why should these people stay together?
When dating, few people acknowledge that they are abusers. Should a battered spouse be compelled to remain in a marriage because of the simplistic view that marriage is forever?
While some people may prematurely end their marriages, most do not. The vast majority of divorcing couples elect to end their marriage as a gut wrenching last resort choice. Divorce only becomes an option after their attempts to salvage the marital relationship fail. No one should be forever imprisoned in a bad marriage because of the child-like belief that marriage has to be forever.
When Ms. Sims finally weds, I hope her relationship will be a healthy and nurturing long-lasting one. But, if life does not go as planned, it is good to know that are options.
Daniel Clement
www.thedivorcereport.com
Thanks for your comments. I definitely understand where you're coming from but I think a healthy courtship can help to quell some of the issues that people encounter when they get married. In my experience and that of people that I know, it typically takes 6 months for a person to show their true colors. I also think that many people get married too young which definitely leads to divorce because of growing apart or not growing together.
Now in terms of abuse or any other similarly horrible situations, there are a whole lot of other issues that must be addressed there. It's not that I don't support divorce but it's not an option for me. I have decided that once I get married, it will be once and for life. I know plenty of people in my age group (late 20s, early 30s) that get married with the idea that if things don't work they can just get a divorce. I wholly disagree with that idea.
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