If you are single and have been wanting to marry for a long time, don't give up. Be proactive. Try this practical step-by-step approach to getting married:
Step 1. Make a written list of all external obstacles that you perceive as preventing you from marrying. For example, you might say that few eligible prospects exist in your geographical area.
Internal obstacles to marriage may include fear of intimacy
Step 2. List in all Internal obstacles to your getting married. You may write, for example, that you are too thin, fat, old, poor, or uninteresting to attract a suitable marriage partner.
Fear of intimacy is a common, yet often unrecognized, internal obstacle. People who are afraid to risk being vulnerable in a relationship may find all kinds of excuses to end a relationship before it becomes serious. Be honest with yourself. Are you afraid that you cannot succeed in marriage? Many people believe unconsciously that they do not deserve a good marriage. They may fear emotional abandonment or divorce.
Find true love by overcoming obstacles
Step 3. One by one, look at each obstacle you have identified. Brainstorm for how you can overcome it. For example, if there are too few eligible prospects in your area, consider moving to a greener pasture. Or try an on-line dating service where geographical barriers are nonexistent.
Apply cognitive behavior theory
Cognitive behavior theory explains how our thoughts influence our behaviors, emotions, and even our physiological responses. Suppose you think all the good people are taken. That attitude makes you reject anyone who shows interest in you because you have already decided that anyone who is available is faulty.
Consider telling yourself instead: “Some people are late bloomers," or "No one's perfect, including me, so I'll give him (or her) a chance."
Do you really want to get married?
Step 4. Again, be honest. Ask yourself, “Am I 100% certain that I want marriage?” Make a list of advantages of being single. Marriage is a wonderfully fulfilling experience, but only for people who are willing to make the necessary trade-offs.
If you are not certain about wanting marriage, ask yourself, "Am I willing to invest energy into keeping a the relationship on track?" (Go to http://marriage.suite101.com/article.cfm/marriage_meetings for a great way to keep your marriage happy) To make tradeoffs that result in less privacy, less independence, more sharing of money and other resources, and more emotional vulnerability.
Be happy now
Step 5. Make sure to lead a balanced life. If you are certain that you want to marry, know that emotionally healthy men will be attracted to vibrant women, and vice versa. So do what makes you feel happy and alive. Learn to believe in yourself as capable of having a good marriage.
Know what kind of person you want to marry; know yourself
Step 6. List in writing ten qualities you require and desire in a mate. Revise the list for accuracy and separate wants from needs.
Step 7. List ten of your own positive qualities.
Step 8. List a few areas in which you can use some improvement.
Step 9. Review your lists and accept that you and your future spouse can love each other even if you are both human and not perfect.
Acquire mentors
Step 10. Seek out happily married individuals and couples as mentors and role models, and find a psychotherapist who can help you reverse a self-defeating pattern. Often our friends are “birds of a feather” who tend to share our beliefs, including negative expectations about our chances of achieving of a good marriage. Confide in trustworthy people who will help build your confidence.
Create you own happily ever after
You can marry with confidence if you apply this approach. Be honest when making your lists. Address each obstacle, and get past it. Talk with people who believe in you and will support you toward reaching your goal. Your journey to a wonderful marriage is about to begin. Take the first step now!
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