Body Language:
In Marital Problems Due to Poor Relationship Communication - Part I, we began talking about body language and how it affects communication in your relationship.
According to Kevin Hogan, Psy.D., "Non-verbal communication is between 60%-75% of the impact of a message." You will notice it is well over half of how you are communicating with your partner.
Let's say you and your partner are having a discussion that is becoming more tense by the moment. The following is a partial list of body movement "don'ts," and why they fall into the "don't" category. Though you may not be feeling the emotions often associated with these actions, be aware of the message you are sending, and how the conversation with your partner can escalate further:
- Crossing your arms - by crossing your arms, you are sending the message of closing yourself off to what your partner is saying, and/or you are possibly being defensive.
- Standing with your hands on your hips - this can be a sign of aggression toward the other person.
- Rubbing your eyes or your nose - can indicate doubt about what your partner is saying.
- Sitting with your hands clasped behind your head - often indicates a feeling of superiority over the other person.
- Tilting your head for an extended period of time - this can indicate boredom with what the other person is saying.
(List culled from http://www.Listverse.com.)
Facial Expression:
As we wrap up body language issues, let's not forget how important your facial expressions are while communicating with your significant other. The following is a partial list of don'ts:
- Rolling your eyes - by doing this, you may be conveying disgust, disbelief, and/or annoyance.
- Pursing your lips - by pursing your lips, it can appear as if you believe the person speaking to you is lying.
- Narrowing of the eyes - while this can sometimes mean you are listening intently, it can often be interpreted to convey anger and/or disbelief.
- Wrinkling your nose - this expression often denotes you are detecting a foul scent, but during an argument, it can be interpreted as disgust.
Bottom line: go with your gut. From the time we are children, we begin to interpret and use body language. Start paying very close attention each time you communicate with anyone, and notice the cues you pick up as well as the cues you give out. You may be surprised.
The next time you and your partner start a tense conversation, pay attention to what your body is saying...not just what is coming out of his/her mouth.
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Next up: Assess Your True Emotion
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