It would have ended like this.
I recently experienced an eye-opening situation in regards to communication in relationships, and whether or not it's best to bite your lip or let your opinion always be known.
I started seeing a guy who was quite "out-of-the-norm" when it comes to who I would normally date. Not necessarily in a bad way, just... different than what I'd normally shoot for, I suppose. Regardless, we got along great. He was loads of fun, took me to a really cool art show, cooked me dinner (I REPEAT: COOKED ME DINNER), and is solely responsible for my new addiction to Xbox Scrabble. However... there was one huge elephant in the room that just wouldn't get out of my way.
Our political views were polar opposite. I'm not just talking as in we voted for different people, I mean everything. EVERYTHING. Which is actually OK with me, for the most part. I can handle that, and I've always been open to people with differing opinions and people who can maybe help me see something from a different angle. It can really only benefit you in the long run, right?
First, he friended me on Myspace. Secondly, who still uses Myspace? Hello 2007, so nice to see you! That's when everything began to unfold. I read his blog posts which were not only filled with opinions I disagreed with, but peppered with hate-filled words, vulgar language, and ignorance to be aimed toward anyone who didn't agree with what he had to say. His statements were backed up with "sources" that were equally ignorant, just as biased, and twice as obnoxious. Even if I had agreed with his views, my blood would have been boiling solely at the fact that his mindset was so extreme.
Shoulda been a sign, huh? Well, he also cooked me dinner. That was a sign that mayyyyybe he wasn't so bad after all and that mayyybe if we just kept politics out of our discussions, we would be fine. The dude made a killer steak, OK? You can't blame me for trying.
After the third consecutive day of him posting hate-filled rants, I decided to ask him why he was so extreme in his way of thinking and why he was so hateful toward others. His answer was something along the lines of "What? You disagree? Oh please, enlighten me. Tell me how you could disagree with this and how you can't think that YOUR party has turned themselves into a total pot of stupidity, because they have. Maybe your problem isn't that you're open to others opinions, you're probably just ill informed. If you hang out with me enough you'll learn how politics really work."
Woah, woah, woah. Woah. Back. That. Train. Up.
I went on to make it clear that I don't associate myself with a party, my views are largely independent, and that I don't have a problem with us disagreeing on something, but I do have a problem with him jumping to assumptions about me and my beliefs and his plans to sway them. Also, I hope if he does plan on pursuing a relationship with me, that we can respect each others differing opinions and move on. We left it at that.
The next day he posted more hate-filled and biased information, so I quoted Winston Churchill on him, a simple, snarky and awesome quote about taking sides in politics. That didn't settle well. After that point I don't remember getting any other words in, but I do remember it leading to him calling me ill informed, uneducated, ignorant, redneck, and a priveleged brat. So what did I do? I quoted Winston Churchill again.
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
And then we never spoke again.
Had I just kept my mouth shut and let him think what he wanted, we'd probably still be hanging out regularly, if not dating. However, anyone who knows me knows that I'm not one to bite my lip, so I figured it would be much healthier to get everything out in the open and see where things went from there. As much as it hurt to be called all these things by someone who supposedly cared and had feelings for me, it taught me that I should know better than to avoid a subject or retract from voicing my opinion just because I fear ruining my chances or creating tension with someone I "really like." Anyone you "really like" should respect you, listen to you, and be able to have a grown up conversation about anything. You should learn from each other and open each others' minds, not sit there with your bottle of Haterade and throw stones in your glass house while you stomp your feet until things go your way.
And even if you do come to realize they're a total Jerkface McStupidpants, you should at least bite your lip long enough to bring him over to meet Dad. You'll regret it if you don't get to see that show.
"If you're going to go through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
Comments
Guy needs to relax. But I do think it's mostly important to agree on political issues; particularly more hot-button ones (if someone thinks abortion equal to murder and the other is pro-choice...yikes).
I, for one, am getting married in March to a wonderfully conservative gal.
"Anyone you "really like" should respect you, listen to you, and be able to have a grown up conversation about anything."
So true. He did sound like a Jerkface McStupidpants, though. I'm glad you're moving on to bigger and better things. (Bigger because we all know that conservatives have small... ;P LOL no jk jk.)
Kristan - That's the kicker. I wasn't going to post who's views were what on here, but he was extreeeeeeeeeemely liberal. I'm not even conservative except for in a few economic ways, but apparently that was too much for him.
this is an EXCELLENT article. your guy sounds like a friend that found me thru facebook and then cut me off abruptly. i think it's best that men and women who date be somewhat compatible politically. i am a conservative and i can't tolerate the ignorance that comes from many libs. this was thought-provoking and honest. thanks for sharing!
See what happens if I don't check on you for a few days? Love the "Jerkface Mcstupidpants" I may use it. It's bite your tongue. Must catch up with your other articles. As always, I enjoy your writing. Some how with some phrase you make me laugh and once in awhile even make me think - which is tough!
Maria - thank you! i do agree, having a common ground is easiest. there are people who can do it otherwise, but in the end it almost seems like an exercise in futility, especially once election time rolls around and the competition and tensity comes into play.
auntkelli - i made you think? i should get royalties for that :p
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