Online Dating: What's the deal with the stigma?

All of my good friends know I did it. A few years ago, I tried it for a few months. I didn’t tell anyone for a while that I was doing it. Sometimes it was nice, but most of the time it was painful. I don’t regret it but I didn’t enjoy it. And I got out when I was burnt out and tired of paying for it. And truthfully, I’m a little embarrassed that I tried it at all.

Get your mind out of the gutter kids. I’m just going to bite the bullet and admit to you all that I tried Online Dating. I wasn’t a success story, but I wasn’t in it to win it either. I did it out of sheer curiosity. The result? I met a bunch of losers looking “to get some” whether they admitted it on paper or not (clarification: none of the aforementioned got anything from me). In recent years, Online Dating has become a mainstream way of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right. I know a few couples who have shamefully admitted to meeting a la internet and it is reported that twenty million people engage in online dating sites in one way or another per month. So, what’s the deal with the stigma?

1.  The resume doesn’t always speak for the applicant. On my profile, I tried to be brutally honest about myself. I didn’t want to give anyone a false impression of me. But what I encountered was that most people put their best foot forward on an online profile and fill it with little white lies. After meeting a “match” in person, I quickly discovered that there is often a disconnect between what is reality and what people say they are online. For instance, a picture from a college formal shouldn’t be used as a profile picture for someone who is 10 years older, 50 lbs. heavier, with inches of hairline lost. Meeting in person will always be your best gauge of who someone really is.

2.  You’re going to be viewed as Little Miss Desperate or Little Miss Hopeless. Most people try online dating as a last resort; an act of desperation. What do you do when you can’t find a decent sober life-form at a bar to go on a date with, or your friends and co-workers aren’t successfully finding you a match either? You hit up the next dating phenomenon! And if you are dating online because can’t find someone in the traditional “real world,” it must be because you lack the right social skills.

3.  You have to PAY FOR IT. Most of these dating websites require a monthly fee to stay active on the site and to be able to message other members. When there is an exchange of money for goods or a service, dating becomes a commodity. The idea of buying a love life makes it demeaning and shameful.

4.  Will Smith said it best: “Parents Just Don’t Understand!” Generations past didn’t have to resort to the www to find love, so they won’t be able to relate or understand. Until online dating becomes a common practice by every one (of all age groups), it won’t be seen as within “normal” boundaries of what is acceptable. So often we hear that meeting someone on the internet is dangerous and will result in kidnapping, rape, or death, so everyone is slightly hesitant (unless you are into that sort of thing).

5.  Dating is about quality, not quantity. The internet is known as a meeting ground for casual sex for a reason. Let’s face it, if online dating is a vehicle for you to date MORE, then you will probably have more dates that lead to sexual encounters as well as more relationships that DON’T work out (after you’ve succumbed to your wildest desires). There’s truth to be found in numbers.