Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?

We have all heard the saying “why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free,” so why do we as women constantly ignore this age old credo?  When we care for someone, instinctively, we want to give.  We desire to give them our hearts, share our emotions, and do things that make them happy.  The thought of seeing a smile spread across someone’s face when we have presented them with a thoughtful gift or the excitement we think they are going to feel when we do something special is enough exhilaration to create happiness within us as well.  Giving and putting effort towards a relationship are both good principles to live by, but we must be cautious about how much, how often, and what we are receiving in return. 

To be clear, giving is not always about getting back.  You should do things selflessly with the intention of pleasing your partner, not because you want something in return.  In relationships, there must be a balance.  When one person gives more or has stronger feelings, it throws off the equilibrium of the partnership, causing problems for at least one person if not for both.  Someone is bound to get their feelings hurt or their heart broken.  Give to your partner, but only if he is willing to return the same care and consideration.  Be fair to yourself, be a good partner, but demand respect as well.

On the flip side, many women tend to be eager to please, so they often give everything they have up front and don’t expect a commitment in return.  This creates an ideal situation for many men.  They can receive everything that they need from a relationship, i.e. cuddling, sex, companionship, all without having to promise anything to the person they are with.  Women will flow with the circumstances because they are scared to communicate how they really feel for fear that they will rock the boat and send him running for the hills.  Women are willing to go without the pledge of monogamy while they remain faithful because of the passion they posses for the person or because they would rather be with someone than be completely alone. They will stay in a relationship that is going nowhere, live with a guy for ten years without the hope of marriage, or remain the woman on the outside that can’t completely break into his heart simply because they can’t bear the thought of him not being in their lives.  

So here is my advice.  For those who are content remaining in a stagnant situation, stay with the man, but stop complaining.  Accept your situation for what it is flaws and all.  But for those of you who want more from your guy, you must take some action.  If the pattern persists, and you continue giving with no expectation of some sort of commitment, nothing will change.  He certainly isn’t going to breach the subject, so you have to take control and have enough self-respect to stand up and voice your desires.   A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. If you do, and he still can’t commit, then it’s time to bolt.  If a man really wants you, nothing can keep him away, and if he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.  His lackluster response means he isn't ready for a commitment, and if that is what you truly want, then move onto someone who can offer you that promise.  You won’t find the man of your dreams attached to Mr. Scared of relationships.  If you decide together that you want to make it work, take it slow.  With his fear of commitment, you will need to institute baby steps to soften the transition.  Start with something simple like planning a few dates in advance to spend quality time together.  From there, move forward at a gradual pace so he won’t be in relationship overload.  As they say, slow and steady wins the race.  Like the tortoise, your guy may just need a little time and a gentle nudge from the hare to get to the finish line.