What women need

Ladies, you are up. It is time to unveil our sacred relationship needs to the men in the world.  Though many of us voice these desires to our partners, there may be men that have missed the signals or some that have never heard the truth straight from the horse’s mouth. 

Women are often considered the confusing partner when it comes to relationships.  We talk a great deal and often over explain situations.  These flowery words and lengthy clarifications sometimes leave the male species a bit perplexed as they attempt to decipher our female language.  However, we aren’t as complex as we seem.  In fact, we have similar needs to the men in our lives. 

Luckily, I am here to decode the mystery.  Men, I am going to spell it out in very simple terms.  Below are the secrets to a woman’s heart, so pay attention!

• Thoughtfulness:  Women need small tokens that let us know you still care.  Leave us a note on the counter that says “I love you”.  Buy us a card for no reason or drop us an email during the day to let us know you are thinking of us.  These actions don’t have to be an everyday occurrence, but a small gesture of affection from out of the blue will do wonders for our hearts.  It reminds us of the beginning of the relationship and all of those butterflies that once fluttered around in our stomachs.  I must mention as a sidebar that men also appreciate the small things.  I failed to cite this in my previous article, but men love to receive random emails and texts filled with sweet words just as much as we women do.   

• Team effort:  It is a modern world out there, and women are looking for shared responsibilities.  This does not always translate to a 50/50 division. That is ideal, but the world today doesn’t necessarily lend itself to that percentage on an everyday occurrence.  The reality is that there are some days when we are going to give 80% and you are going to give 20% and vice versus.  That is normal.  If you have had a rough day at work, we are going to pick up the slack, and we hope in return that if we are sick or just can’t find the strength that day, you will do the same.   Relationships are a team effort that adds up to 100%, and we want a man that is willing to work together in a partnership to achieve that percentage. 

• Support:  Trials and tribulations occur in everyone’s life, and when they take place, we want our partner to empathize with our emotions.  We need a shoulder to cry on when something bad has happened and a warm embrace to share our joy when something wonderful has been bestowed upon us.  We want a man to share our life experiences with, even when it isn’t convenient for him.  If you really care, you will be there for your woman when she needs you in her despair and in her triumphant.

• Sex:  Yes, believe it or not, this is a requirement for women as well.  Men dwell on this subject a great deal, but women aren’t too far behind, if not equal.  We want a steady sex life but keep it interesting.  We don’t want same old, same old night after night.  Ensure you are spending enough time in the foreplay area and don’t skip the kissing, it is an integral part of our libido.  You please us, we will please you!

• Romance:  Men, don’t be scared by this one.  I know all of you were not born Casanovas, but there are small things that you can do to achieve this effect.  We aren’t looking for candle light and rose petals every night, but surprise us once in awhile.  Cook us dinner with Sinatra in the background and a good bottle of wine.  Notice something small about our appearance or our personality that we don’t even notice about ourselves.  Tell us you love that dimple on our cheek or the way we say a certain word.  Noticing these little idiosyncrasies will make us feel so special and will show us that you are really paying attention to us as an individual. 

• Kisses:  Men, women LOVE to kiss.  I know sometimes it can get monotonous, and most men begin slacking on the deep kisses once we are in a serious relationship and past the “make-out” stage, but women still need a long, passionate kiss from time to time.  Use it during foreplay or spin us around in the kitchen and plant an unexpected, steamy smooch on our lips.  Brush our hair back, run your fingers along our face and slowly sweep us off our feet.  That will not only bring us closer to you, but you just might get lucky.  We are emotional creatures and live for that connection that a two hour make-out session brings about.  Try it, and believe me, you won’t be disappointed. 

• Independence:  Women want to be their own person.  We may need the men in our lives, but we also desire to be fulfilled in our own existence.  We want a man that can handle a confident woman and won’t be concerned when we have to work late or be threatened if we have a few male friends.  Double standards also need to be let go. Some men believe they can do whatever they want without consequence, but the minute their women carry out the same actions, they are furious.  If you can go drinking with your buddies until 5:00 A.M., then we can be out on the town with our ladies until the same wee hours.  Women don’t want jealous, domineering men that are only looking to control their lives.  We are partners, but we are also individuals, and each person in the relationship needs to remember that.  

• Honesty:  Tell us the truth, even if it hurts.  We would rather hear the truth, than listen to a cluster of lies that we discover at a later date.  This includes honesty with things you have done and how you are feeling about a situation.  We know that you want to protect us and don’t want to cause us pain, but lying or hiding something from us, will only hurt us more.  Remember, honesty is the best policy and omission is still lying. 

• Good listener:  Women need to vent, a lot.  I am sure that this is one of the hardest issues for men to deal with.  We communicate everything, out loud for the most part, and I know it can be overwhelming, but open your ears and listen.  Often times, we don’t even require feedback. Don’t get me wrong, we value your advice, and most times we seek your counsel, but there are times when we just need to talk.  We want to vocalize our frustrations aloud and don’t require your input on what we should or should not do.  We will give you a signal when we want you to chime in. 

• Follow through:  If you say you are going to do it, then complete the task.  This reverts back to my expectation article.  Women hate to be let down.  It only creates disappointment and frustration.  We want a man that can commit to something, especially if it is really important to us.  We want someone we can depend on, and when you continually slack on the follow through, our trust for you will diminish and we will feel as though we can’t count on you.  So when you make a promise, stick to it, and carry out your actions. 

• Dedicated time:  Women need time with their partners to reconnect.  Setting aside time in our busy lives for a date or a special night in with our honey is something we crave.  Though being able to exist together in everyday life is good, sitting on the couch every night doing the same lackluster activity will lead to boredom and leave us seeking more.  Women are looking for a lover and a partner, not just a companion, that’s what we have our girlfriends for. 

• Compliments:  Women may be confident, but hearing a compliment from our man gives us a rush.  Tell us we look beautiful once in awhile, even if we are in our pajamas lying next to each other in bed.  Though we know you still desire us, vocalizing it gives us the reassurance that you are still as attracted to us as you were the first day we met. 

• Communication:  As I have said before, women are talkers.  Being able to have a good conversation with a man, whatever the topic may be, is important to us.  We also need communication other than technology.  Pick up the phone and call once in awhile.  I know most men aren’t a fan of phone conversations, but when you are not living together or are in a long distance relationship, this is your only form of connection while you are apart.  It makes us feel closer to you.  It doesn’t have to be a nightly occurrence, but a call out of the blue will spark a surprise and a great happiness within us. 

• Chivalry:  I know most men thought that chivalry was dead, but it’s back baby!  Though there is a new generation of independent women, we still love the notion of a true gentleman.  Open the car door for us once in awhile.  If she is a good woman, she will reach over and open yours as you make your way to the other side of the car.  Offering those subtleties such as your jacket when we are cold or a hand to help us over the icy patch on the sidewalk will sweep us off our feet. 

So there it is, the top needs that women crave from men in relationships.  Again, this is only a generalization.  Keep the lines of communication open with your partner to ensure you are giving her everything she requires emotionally.  Typically, women are not afraid to ask for what they want, so men, really listen when she is vocalizing her desires.  If it isn’t clear to you, then ask.  Women yearn for a man that wants to do everything in his power to make her happy.  The universal purpose of a partner is to bring joy into our lives, so both men and women should be doing their part to make this a reality.

Thank you to all of my lovely ladies who contributed to this article.  With our combined efforts, I believe we have a list that will give men an insight into our needs and help them understand the complexities of our intricate gender make-up!