Octomom unseen footage: "I screwed up my kid's lives"

Wednesday night FOX aired a two-hour special titled Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage, which gave a deep, dark glimpse into the life of Nadya Suleman and her 14 kids. Nadya allowed RadarOnline.com to shoot all of the exclusive, never-before-seen footage shown in the documentary.

The first scene opens with Suleman bringing the first two of the famous Octuplets home from the hospital. As paparazzi and photogs swarm her vehicle, she panics, covering her new born babies with blankets so they can't be photographed. She then stops to re-apply her makeup.

I don't know how many people in the world actually care for this woman, but I'd say her ratio of foes to fans is a good 90/10. I began watching this show with an unbiased mind. I put aside what I knew already about the Octomom, and the fact that I think she's a loony bin. I also disregarded the fact that she recently said her Octuplets were a mistake, and that she's now exploiting them for monetary gain.

Two commercial breaks into the program, I want to jump through the screen and squeeze the collagen out of this woman's lips. She has already said that her home is dilapidated and unsafe for the kids (actually, it's her mom's home--an ill-equipped three bedroom deathtrap that Nadya, her mother, and her original 6 kids share), admitted that she wanted a big family only because she never got enough attention, and her mother told us that Nadya never pays for anything--not even rent.

The production crew facilitates the first interview by asking Nadya's mom if she has anything to say to her daughter. Her mother responds by asking the Octomom what the hell she was thinking and how she's going to take care of 14 kids with no job. Touche.

Suleman said that people can't comprehend why she's not worried about her situation, but that through intrinsic motivation and faith, she will find a way to take care of her brood. Faith is wonderful, Nadya, but how will you support the children? Pay for their diapers and toys and taking them to the doctor? How will you put clothes on all of their backs and food on the table? How will you possibly send 14 kids to college? Oh, I know--put them on a reality TV show.

Before the Octuplets came home, Suleman and her family moved into a larger house in La Habra, California. She brought Elijah, 8, Amerah, 7, JJ, 5, Aidan, 4, and the twins Caleb and Calyssa, 2, all of which Nadya claims were conceived in vitro by the same donor.

I can't believe she could keep up with 6 kids, let alone 14. I actually was starting to think "this woman might be stronger than I thought," until I heard her frantic call to 911 when she was five months pregnant with the Octuplets and JJ, her five-year-old, went missing. On the tape, she's screaming her head off and begging God to help her find her kid, who it took her an hour to realize was missing. Turns out he had gone for a walk with the nanny.

Suleman blames her raging hormones on the over-dramatic phone call, saying the doctors had never seen anyone with hormone levels as high as hers. I bet the doctors also never saw anyone pregnant with eight babies at once, either. 

Nadya was asked, "Do you understand why some people may question your ability to handle 6 kids let alone 14?"

"No," she said. "No, I just completely think that's just completely unrelated. Absolutely."

Nadya's mom even called her "sneaky," saying that she was obsessive compulsive and never should have had her left over frozen embryos implanted. She added that she had begged the doctor not to do that to her again. "She's not working, she has so many children already. Why would you do that?" she said.

"I never ever in my wildest imagination would have thought more than one would have grown," Suleman responded.

As crazy as she is, at least she was able to admit that having any more children would just be plain selfish.

By April of 2009, all eight babies are safely settled in the Suleman home, and the result is a loud, crowded, crazy mess. Nadya enlisted the help of a team of nannies--five during the day and four at night. But she quickly became weary of the nannies, as she said she felt they were constantly scrutinizing her, waiting for her to mess up, taking photos of her house without her knowledge, talking behind her back, and compulsively taking care of the babies so that Nadya couldn't even come near them. She even added that one nanny in particular had alluded numerous times to her babies being abducted because their faces had gone public. She repeated this many times, pointing out specific children and why certain races would want each. She even made a joke about fitting one of them in her purse. After this, all of the nannies were let go for safety reasons.

Throughout the special, a lot of focus is on comparing Nadya with Kate Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8--who had sextuplets. It's been no secret that Nadya does not agree with Kate's parenting style and overall seems to dislike the reality mom. Which is ironic, considering Nadya selfishly created a family of 14 kids when she had no job and no help. But that's neither here nor there.

"It's just my opinion but I think some people are very desperate for attention," Suleman said, regarding Gosselin and her recent bikini-clad vacation.

Besides the eight screaming, pooping, crying, drooling babies, the older six seem to be the difficult ones to handle. One of the twins, Caleb, is completely unruly and hits Nadya on multiple occasions, and even calls her a bitch. The kids seem to be acting out because of the intense situation that they are faced with. They can't play outside like normal kids, or go to their friends houses without Nadya knowing the families. They are constantly photographed and attacked, forcing them to almost be prisoners in their own house. A gate out front aims to keep intruders out, and a video surveillance system helps to keep them all safe. But will they ever really be out of the spotlight?

It's no surprise that Nadya admits she resents herself sometimes for having the Octuplets because of how it has negatively affected her older six children.

"I screwed myself. I screwed up my life, I screwed up my kid's lives," Nadya said. "What the heck am I gonna do? I have to put on this strong facade and pretend like 'Oh, I don't regret it.' I can't regret it now because I love them, they're here. What was I thinking?"

According to Nadya, people sometimes like to re-create their childhoods because either they want to change something they didn't like, or because they want to give their children the lives they think they want. Her struggle is daily as she copes with the life of a single mother of 14. Her parents say they haven't forgiven Nadya for what she's done and she isn't the same person. To Nadya, the more children she had the more comfort she felt. She said this stemmed back to her childhood where she always felt disconnected from her parents.

For Nadya, abortion was never an option, neither was adoption. She admits that while her life will never be the same, she has to make it work for the sake of her kids.