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Photo by Marc Aert
I have been promising you all another column strictly dedicated to reviewing a sex toy. I haven’t been trying to shirk my duty as your dating /sexual guinea pig; it’s just that these things take time.
You may think, Loyal Reader, that my experience as a sex and relationship columnist gives me the confidence to fearlessly jump into any type o sex toy situation. This is not a correct assumption.
Part of the reason it’s taken me so long to publish this review is…well, the fact that it’s a toy. You see, I’m old fashioned. And this sex toy in particular looked kind of scary. It’s called The Velvet Curve, which for some reason makes me think of an early 60’s song about someone romantically driving their car on a forbidden road and then dying dramatically in a fiery crash…like “he hit the brakes, he tried to swerve, but he couldn’t get away, from that ...Velvet Curve….da ba! Da da dah!”
When I initially got the Velvet Curve, I simply carried it around in my purse with me for about a week and a half. I then placed it on my coffee table one night as I had a glass of wine. Finally I allowed it to lie quietly beside me as I was sleeping. I’m sure this particular sex toy could have had its way with me much sooner had it just paid for shots at the first bar we went to, but I like to think it was patient, focusing on the possibility of a long-term relationship.
Part of my fear of the Velvet Curve came from it’s strange shape—it’s slightly longer than my hand (I have long fingers and overall what an ex boyfriend liked to call “man-hands” until he recently emailed me with that clever moniker and only stopped after I asked him how his itty-bitty ball sack was doing), and it’s flat on the end, and kind of goes up, like a shallow soup spoon. I would show you a picture, but it’s come to my attention that the Examiner is a conservative site and I can’t post pictures of sex toys, even if they look like innocent pink dolphins, so a link will have to do.
I was also having performance anxiety. The lady who threw the Passion Party , where I obtained the Velvet Curve, had told us that all females were capable of ejaculating and most females could ejaculate up to two pints. I was drinking sangria at the time, but I’m pretty sure that’s what she said, because I have “Two PINTS?!!?!” written down in my notes from the party. I was worried that I would try the Velvet Curve and end up being the only woman in the world who couldn’t ejaculate, and be forced to hide my shame with excess KY Liquid and water gun.
So I decided to do some research on female ejaculation. Unfortunately the first person I talked to had recently realized that they could in fact ejaculate. This was no good! I decided to turn to the internet. ***
I did my research off of Wikipedia, which in normal cases is not that great for solid research but in this case was fine, as no one knows much about the entire process anyway. It states that anywhere from 10-69% or 39-50% of females can ejaculate, and that no one really knows how much they are ejaculating specifically. To further research, I read Bonk (good book) and the author said much the same thing about the subject. Nowhere does anyone mention anything about two pints.
I went to dinner with a friend last night and mentioned the fact that it’s mildly disturbing that we know all about what’s in a guy’s ejaculation, and where it comes from, what it does, etc, but know next to nothing about the female counterpart. (For those of you about to argue it doesn’t matter because women’s ejaculation doesn’t contain sperm, I reply to you: How do we know? No one knows. It could be anything. It could be liquid diamonds.)
My friend argued that because female ejaculation isn’t toxic, there’s really no need to study it (I didn’t push the subject, just because that argument is not even worth addressing) and assured me that it was, in fact, hot when a girl did that.
Because I had now verified this sexual activity was indeed "hot," the time had come for me to become intimate with the Velvet Curve. Was it pleasurable? Why, yes it was. Did it feel kind of weird? Well, yes, because it’s designed to hit your g-spot. But if you're new to sex toys, I would recommend it above the traditional dildo, which most of the time can double as an assault weapon should anyone break into your bedroom.
And in the moment we’ve all been waiting for….it turns out I am not one of the 50% or 69% of women who can ejaculate, although at times I felt I was close (I’m not actually sure what that would feel like, because I never have, but it felt like something was going to happen). Part of me is disappointed in this news—guys think it’s sexy when girls do that, and I won’t have the pleasure of doing that on a guy after he does it on me. (I realize I’m sick. You would do the same thing, I’m sure.) But another part of me is A-ok with this news—I am pretty lazy, and this news means less cleanup, comparatively, after sex. Also, now that The Velvet Curve and I are friends, it's just a fun toy to use.
***When starting my research, I typed “female ejaculation” into Google, and the first phrase that auto-filled was “female ejaculation and Islam.” Is that what people type in most? Why did Google think I was going that route? This has nothing to do with the article, I just sometimes like to examine life mysteries in these end notes.
Comments
I personally don't ejaculate either. It seems that some of us are just biologically born with it I guess. Just as I side note I checked out that site you posted to buy the toys, they're quite expensive. I have been getting mine here friskycity.com as they honestly had the cheapest prices I could find.
Here's a good article for you to read. Enjoy!
newscientist.com
"everything-you-always-wanted-to-know-about-female-ejaculation-but-were-afraid-to-ask"
You're definitely my new favorite Examiner. Love this article.
How could you decide already that you are a non-ejaculatory woman?
I think you need to look a little deeper.
I found info stating all women can ejaculate. I guess if you believe it is impossible for you you won't ever be able to.
I love your article! I am a Home Romance Consultant with Brown Bag Party. I found your article as I was looking for info to put in my monthly newsletter to my customers. Just earlier today, I was reading Cosmo on-line and these are a couple of articles that might help you. Of course, if you're interested in finding other toys, you can visit my website and click on "For Her" and "G-Spot". BrownBags4Lovers.com
cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/yes-you-have-a-g-spot-0409
cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/Orgasms-Unlimited
Another little tidbit of info for you, 75-80% of women cannot climax without clitorial stimulation, so, you may want to try something that has the clitorial stimulator, maybe the Insatiable G.
I hope this helps you.
Chrys Kendall
brownbags4lovers@yahoo.com
Dear Sorry For You,
Ow. But you're probably correct, it was my stupid, powerful mind that has been blocking my ejaculatory abilities all these years. I'll keep working on that.
It doesn't matter if you don't ejaculate and don't have the capacity as females have all types of orgasms. I can and copious quantities if well aroused quite easily with the right stimulus. I'd ejaculated a number of times without having even known about G spots etc., earlier in my sex life. An ex boyfriend fine tuned it( not because he cared, I'd say experementing a quicker way to get me over with). If you could there'd be a time someone or something hit the spot and would've happened. I'm actually fussier in getting an orgasm clitoraly, right stimulus and wow, otherwise a sneeze. I don't know if its true, but those not ejaculating seem better at the clitoral ones, and these are more practical in solo moments. Most unrepressed females in a great context have wow climaxes whatever their mix of hot spots, so it's not important to ejaculate, especially to entertain guys. Guys should be glad of what they share w
Every woman can ejaculate you just haven't figured out how to access it. Watch some videos. You'll probably think it's pee when you do it at first. Also articles that try to be witty are lame.
Lil back story, my GF is much younger than me and didn't have much sex before our relationship. She also doesn't masturbate, just can't get into it. I've tried encouraging it as a way to learn for yourself, kind of thing, but alas. Anyway, she squirts, but only when I'm going down on her. Finger stimulation and intercourse don't produce the same thing. However, she climaxes differently as well depending on the stimulation. So Sorry for You may be partially right, maybe it's mental and while on your own it's harder to do than with an intimate partner who's willing to play a little. In the end it's not as important as getting a few O's in and having fun while you're at it. The more you think about it, the more frustrated you'll get.
Kudos: It could be liquid diamonds.)
Kudos again: Less clean up..
loves it!
I agree with not writing yourself off as someone who can't female ejaculate right away. I only recently did it (still not sure it wasn't a one-time fluke!), but I'd known about it for years. I'd actually bought my first G-spot toy to try to ejaculate three years ago, and worked at it for about a week before giving up on that and just returning to having a good time.
So, yeah. Just don't assume you're a non-ejaculator off the bat. You might be one of those women who can't, but just remember that it often doesn't happen on demand. It definitely surprised me!
I have found that my sexual satisfaction is very dependant on my partner. If I am relaxed, and he's into playing, we can do it. But another partner is more selfish and I may not even have a regular O. I also have been with a man whose ejaculate is a thick foul lump the size of a smartie and another who needs a bath towel to clean up well. So, maybe women vary in amounts too? Keep trying and change it up a little and maybe...
I'll be honest, I masturbate but scared to have sex with someone because I'm embarassed the guy would get weirded out and think I've pee'd myself... I don't know much about female ejaculation myself but it's different depending on what type of stimulation I do. The ejaculation I researched on the internet, saying they prove it's not urine, I get this through clitorial stimulation. So I guess experiment more?
"S" do not not feel embarassed. When this happens to my friend when I give her oral it does not bother me. Why should I be bothered I gave my lady friend such an orgasm she loses momentary control. It reassures me I have done a good job and therefore more a turn on.
I have been into women who squirt for 5+years and I have been with a few women who say they never have. For a them I found that most won't the very first time. I have a theory that the Gspot needs to be stimulated several times and if that still wont work a little pressure on the pubic mound makes a big difference...
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