How to Please Nobody Any of the Time

Today, Iran is friends with the American and Israeli people . . . No nation in the world is our enemy.

An envoy from the future, perhaps? No, that's newly appointed Iranian First Vice President Esfandiar Rahim-Mashaei, speaking last year. The Iranian Constitution provides for 10 vice presidents, including the First Vice President, whose role would seem to be most analagous to our own office of vice president. The other nine vice presidencies are basically cabinet positions, and Rahim-Mashaei had previously served as Vice President and Cultural Heritage and Tourism.

With the appointment of Rahim-Mashaei, Ahmadinejad has reportedly alienated his own conservative base, who, we should bear in mind, aren't exactly crazy about the State of Israel. Bear in mind the whole Wipe Israel Off the Map controversy. (Note: The preceding links are to Iran's national television service, which should be taken with about a shaker full of salt, and to Wikipedia, the latter of which seems to offer the range of possible explanations of Ahmadinejad's remarks about Israel.)

At the time, Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has said, "Who are the Israelis? They are responsible for usurping houses, territory, farmlands and businesses. They are fighters at the disposal of Zionist operatives . . . The Iranian nation has nothing against Jews, Christians or followers of faith. However, it is mistaken to say that we are friends with the people of Israel in the same manner as we are friends with other people around the world."

Well, for fun we can parse the Grand Ayatollah's remarks and provide a few examples. For instance:

• Who are the Israelis? The Israelis are citizens of the State of Israel. While about three-quarters of the population of Israel is Jewish in ethnicity, the rest, according to the CIA World Factbook, is not.
• They are responsible for usurping houses, territory, farmlands and businesses. While it's certainly true that the Israeli governments since 1949 have done all this to the Palestinian people, it's also true that the Iranian government, since rigging the most recent election, has engaged in home invasions. Property belonging to the minority Baha'i faith has been expropriated and destroyed both before and since the Islamic Revolution. Iran has had territorial disputes with Iraq, some of which have resulted in Iranian expropriation of what had previously been Iraqi territory, notably the Shatt al-Arab waterway that was the flashpoint of the 1980-1988 Iran-Iraq War.
• They are fighters at the disposal of Zionist operatives. As reported in the most recently Atlantic Monthly, many Sunni Arab states resent what they see as Iran's attempted exportation of Shi'a Islam. That it employs "operatives" to do so seems patently obviously. How this is fundamentally different from "Zionist operative as" trying to spread support of Israel is beyond me.
• The Iranian nation has nothing against Jews, Christians or followers of faith. Except the Baha'i, apparently.
• However, it is mistaken to say that we are friends with the people of Israel in the same manner as we are friends with other people around the world. That's because you don't have any friends in the world, and you, Ayatollah Khamenei, are one the principle reasons why.

So Khamenei and the other "conservatives" are not angry that a "moderate" vice president has been named. One question to consider is why Ahmadinejad would have promoted Rahim-Mashaei in the first place, given last year's controversy. Perhaps Ahmadinejad was seeking to assuage Israel's concerns over Iran's alleged nuclear program.

The bottom line is that it won't work. Whether it was some kind of olive branch extended to Israel (not likely), the U.S. (possibly), or some other party, Ahmadinejad probably won't get to keep his pick. It only goes to show two things: (1) Ahmadinejad is a stupid man with little idea of how deep a hole he's dug himself with this election fiasco; and (2) He has no real power, as has been frequently said. Ultimately whether Ahmadinejad serves out his own full term is irrelevant. It's the current régime and its control by the mullahs that needs to go.