Tony Giro, The Examiner
2008-07-30 13:38:33.0
Current rank: Not ranked

Welcome to this week’s edition of “Hump Day Pop Quiz,” a quick exam to see how closely you have been following the local and national sports scene. Remember there are no stupid questions — just stupid answers.

1. Andy MacPhail, the Orioles’ president of baseball operations, wants this in return for the team’s most coveted players:

• A) A firm commitment the Blast will play next season.
• B) Assurance from PETA it will not protest the team allowing any Oriole bird it gets in exchange for Aubrey Huff to eat sunflower seeds and chew tobacco in the dugout like the rest of the guys.
• C) About 20,000 cardboard cut-out replicas of cheering fans to fill empty seats in Camden Yards.
• D) Glenn Davis.

2. The Philadelphia Soul defeated the San Jose SaberCats, 59-56, in Arena Bowl XXII. The last time a team from Philadelphia won a title:

• A) Camden, N.J., was an upscale suburb.
• B) Ben Franklin was a Flyers season-ticket holder.
• C) Moses Malone spoke intelligible English.
• D) Father Carmine was giving Rocky blessings from the second-story window of a rectory.
• *There is no answer. It’s indoor football ... who are we kidding?

3. Ryan Seacrest claims he was bitten by a shark while swimming in the Pacific Ocean. What is the saddest element of this story?

• A) He survived.
• B) He knows better than to swim during “that time of the month.”
• C) Paula Abdul threw him overboard for not mixing her drinks fast enough.
• D) Never one to miss out on a marketing moment, he immediately changed his signature sign-off from, “Seacrest. Out.” to “Seacrest. Ouch.”

4. Speaking of sharks, what is the biggest reason for the sudden resurgence of golfer Greg Norman?

• A) He’s been much longer off the tee since he started using a stiffer driver shaft sponsored by Cialis.
• B) His wife, Chris Evert, prefers second-place finishes.
• C) His new “HGH Chardonnay” is paying dividends.
• D) He’s just another in a long list of white guys who have renewed hope since Tiger got hurt.

5. What will be the end result of the never-ending, Brett Favre-Green Bay Packers soap opera?

• A) The Packers agree to keep Favre on the condition he gives all of his team-issued rollover minutes to Aaron Rodgers.
• B) To really tighten the screws on general manager Ted Thompson, Favre replaces his agent with a kid from The Boys & Girls Club of Green Bay to ask the tough questions.
• C) Favre accepts a trade to Tampa Bay because former teammate Mark Chmura informed him the town is ripe with baby-sitters for his two children.
• D) Favre will stay retired and begin production on “There’s Just Something About Mike McCarthy.”

6. Why is Boston Red Sox outfielder Manny Ramirez so adamant about being traded?

• A) The dugout just isn’t big enough for Kevin Youkilis’ goatee, J.D. Drew’s contract and Manny’s pants.
• B) He doesn’t get enough bars when using his cell phone inside the Green Monster between innings.
• C) The moist, Boston air is causing him split ends that just won’t end.
• D) It’s too easy to beat up Boston’s traveling secretary, Jack McCormick, when he doesn’t come through with free tickets for a lazy player who is making $20 million this year.

7. Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs has yet to report to training camp. What must happen before he shows up?

• A) The team must name him starting quarterback.
• B) Ozzie Newsome must sign a player who can end Suggs’ stranglehold on the team’s “King Ugly” award.
• C) Adalius Thomas must return to Baltimore so Suggs can start making plays.
• D) The “100 tubes of ChapStick per sack” clause must be added to his contract.

Tony Giro is a lifelong Baltimore sports fan who blogs on examiner.com for fans. If you subscribe — it’s free — you’ll be e-mailed each time Tony posts a column. He can be reached at timeout@baltimoreexaminer.com. And yes, he’s still bitter about the Skipjacks and Bullets leaving town.