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Hot Read
BALTIMORE -
Welcome to today’s Examiner online exclusive “Hot Read,” a quick-hitting volt of humor into the lovable wide world of sports — the way we see it. Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley? Which player will Chicago take with the first pick? We’ll find out during the NBA Draft tonight at 7 on ESPN, when America’s newest millionaires are announced to a worldwide audience. But the reason to watch the NBA Draft isn’t to find out which teams will take local players Donte Greene (Towson Catholic High/Syracuse) and Joey Dorsey (Douglass High/Memphis) or how many obscure foreigners will take jobs that were once awarded to Americans. Top 5 Reasons Why We’re Watching the NBA Draft 1. Grills, and we’re not talking about cooking. Have you seen some NBA players smile? My goodness! We haven’t seen that much gold since Marion Jones was ordered to give back her Olympic medals. 2. Fashion. Forget Versace, Jean Yves, and Andrew Fezza. How many times do you get to see someone wearing a lime green suit with a pink hat? Really, who dresses these guys? We haven't seen that many guys in pastels since well, last year’s NBA Draft. We could care less who the Bulls take with the top pick, but let’s just hope he doesn’t follow in the footsteps of Joakim Noah. Let's take a walk down memory lane with our boy, Noah: http://rushthecourt.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/joakim-noah-suit.jpg. 3. Arm candy. We don’t know fashion, but we know a pretty woman when we see one — and that’s a bet Tim Donaghy won’t even take. Seriously, does the NBA only let beautiful women into the draft? 4. David Stern. It doesn’t get much better than watching a guy who looks like our grandfather exchange awkward high fives, handshakes and — shudder — hugs with 7-foot Europeans and teenagers with enough tattoos to make a cameo appearance on “L.A. Ink.” 5. Carl Everett. We know he’s a former baseball player. But we were talking about the dumbest quote ever by an athlete and his take on dinosaurs is a classic: “Didn’t exist. God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.” We can include this on our list because when we watch the NBA Draft, we are going to think of the discussion we had and Everett will be on our minds. WHO WE LIKE: Arizona’s Maricopa County Sheriff Office and its leader, Joe Arpaio. Arpaio said he is taking away Shaquille O’Neal’s special deputy badge after the Phoenix center used a racially derogatory word and other foul language during a rap performance at a New York nightclub this past weekend. During the performance, which was captured on videotape and posted by the Web site TMZ.com, O’Neal makes fun of his former Los Angeles Laker teammate, Kobe Bryant, asking him “How my ass taste.” The video is hysterical, trust us: http://ballhype.com/video/shaq_uses_freestyle_rap_to_rip_on_kobe_for_losing_nba/ But don’t worry about Shaq, he had his 15 minutes of fame in law enforcement when he risked life and limb to save Mike the Tiger in an ESPN Commercial last year. WHO WE DON’T LIKE: Rick Dutrow, horse trainer. One of the horses he trains reportedly tested positive for a banned performance-enhancing substance. Really? Stop the presses! What is Dutrow’s biggest strength? 1) Bragging that Big Brown was going to win the Belmont Stakes. 2) Telling us why Big Brown is superior to all other horses. 3) Knowing how to beat cocaine and marijuana addictions. 4) Doping horses. Seriously, how many times in the past eight years has Dutrow been fined or suspended for a doping-related offense? Try all eight. At least he’s consistent, even if he makes Cedric Benson look like a saint. What would happen if a professional athlete had that track record? Something tells me he or she wouldn’t be playing. Big Brown’s owners claim they no longer give performance-enhancing drugs to any of their horses. We’ll believe that when Big Brown wins the Triple Crown. STAR OF THE DAY The linebacker is being sued by Professional Events, a limited liability company in Arizona, which claims he never paid $5,780 to several hostesses he hired for his Super Bowl party in February. The suit alleges Lewis promised on several occasions he would compensate the company that provides beautiful women for functions, but the company has yet to receive a dime. Lewis’ agent could not be reached for comment, but here may be some of Lewis’ reasons for why the bill has not been settled. 1) When he tried paying the women in gift cards, Mayor Sheila Dixon made an “interception” and is trying to hire one of her boyfriends in the construction business to build a custom closet to hang all of her fur coats. 2) He hired Cedric Benson to deliver the payment, but the former Chicago Bears running back is rumored to have lost the money at the liquor store. 3) He decided to put the money toward his campaign for Baltimore mayor since he heard the job may become open soon. Lewis promised the women spots on the city council in lieu of payment, but they figured they could get just a few more gifts as “hostesses” than as city officials. DONKEY OF THE DAY BRONSON ARROYO, CINCINNATI REDS He wins in a landslide after becoming the first pitcher since 1900 to give up 10 runs and 11 hits in one inning in a 14-1 loss to Toronto on Tuesday. The Blue Jays got 22 hits and pretty much did whatever they wanted to against Arroyo — even Toronto Raptors forward Chris Bosh went 2-for-3 and drove in three runs. We didn’t even know Arroyo was still alive, let alone still pitching in the majors. He must have been going through a really, really, really bad hair day. Fortunately for Arroyo, he has his music career to fall back to — we heard New Kids on the Block is looking for a guitarist. Thank goodness for Cincy, baby. We haven’t seen anybody get lit up like that since Chad Johnson revealed his feelings about playing for the Bengals. —Compiled by Examiner sports staff |
