Aaron Keith Harris
2008-06-13 07:00:00.0
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BALTIMORE -

One of the advantages of being a columnist is that you have the occasional opportunity to take a break from the events of the day to bring to light certain things that bug you in day-to-day life.

I’ve still got five months to criticize the presidential candidates – so here’s a short list of my pet peeves.

The first pair has to do with stores, and they are particularly upsetting because they happen  just before you’re trying to give a merchant your money, while you’re trying to do so or just after you’ve done so.

First, most stores post their hours clearly, but in lettering too small to do anyone any good unless you’re at the door already. Why not make the lettering big enough to see from the street?

Second, many stores open only one side of their double doors. Which means I routinely grab the one that’s locked, and feel stupid for doing so. Lean over and unlock both doors, please.

Third, clerks who answer the phone when there’s a line of customers right in front of them also annoy me. There’s nothing more insulting to a customer. When this happens, either walk out or, if you’re brave like me, reach over and hang up the phone for them.

Sit-down, non-fast-food restaurants are another fertile field for annoying behavior. I may be a little old-fashioned, but it seems to me that until a decade or so ago, a man wouldn’t think of sitting down to a meal with a baseball cap on his head, but now it’s quite common. How hard is it to make that simple showing of respect for the establishment and your fellow diners?

Children in restaurants are not a problem. Bad parents who bring their children to restaurants are a huge problem. Whenever there’s a kid or two running around, kicking seat backs, crying or screaming, the only party that seems not to notice is the parents. Those parents may run their homes like an untamed jungle, but they should stay home or go to McDonald’s if they can’t keep their kids in line around the rest of us.

But an increasingly common meal-ruiner is loud conversation, especially on an inappropriate topic. More and more people have lost the ability to talk in an indoor voice. Most, but not all, of them are my fellow Gen-Xers or younger. And a large percentage of those don’t seem to realize that one’s sexual escapades, colon surgeries, spousal arguments or favorite slasher movies should be discussed in hushed tones, if at all, when complete strangers are seated less than a yard away.

Those who aren’t obsessive baseball fans may not quite get this one, but those who are I’m sure will be with me. I’m talking about the pernicious practice of people in the stands who wave to the television cameras while talking to their friends on a mobile phone. Ushers should be empowered to confiscate phones from these yokels.

Finally, talking in the movie theater. Talking during the preview trailers is fine. Laughing, crying or otherwise reacting to what happens on-screen is great. But talking, either to the person next to you or into your mobile phone, is without doubt one of the worst social sins anyone can commit.

Sometimes, a simple “Shhh” will snap these offenders back to consciousness. Other times, that has to be followed up with a sternly worded and firmly delivered warning to be quiet.

I think we’d all be better off if we tried to do something about them.

Am I right? Did I miss any?

Aaron Keith Harris writes about politics, music and pop culture. He edits the music review blog The Lonesome Road Review (lonesomeroadreview.com).