Tony Giro, The Examiner
2008-05-14 07:00:00.0
Current rank: Not ranked

BALTIMORE -

Welcome to the fifth edition of “Hump Day Pop Quiz,” a quick exam to see how closely you have been following the local and national sports scene. Remember there are no stupid questions — just stupid answers.

1. For several years, relocating the Preakness to a different city has been a hot topic of discussion. If the second jewel of the Triple Crown does vacate Pimlico, which will be the most gaping hole left in Baltimore’s culture:

A) The city’s outdoor vomit production will be cut in half.

B) Euthanized horses no longer will count against the city’s homicide total.

C) Former Baltimore sports columnist Vito Stellino will need a new stable to find head-shot look-a-likes.

D) The Orioles will be the city’s sole proprietor of horse manure.

2. University of Southern California officials claim to know nothing about former star Trojan athletes Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo allegedly getting gifts and money from boosters and agents. Other events they are oblivious to include:

A) The mind-blowing durability and effectiveness of the other-worldly ShamWow! towel.

B) RuPaul is actually a man.

C) We landed on the moon.

D) Darth Vader was, in fact, Luke Skywalker’s pops.

3. Mayo told ESPN.com: “I would just like to know if I did [get money], where did the money go? I was a struggling college student like everyone else. I bicycled to class.” By “struggling” he means:

A) It was hard to take his $9,000 Serotta off the Lexus bike rack without scratching the rims.

B) He had trouble with the horizontal hold on his free-of-charge, 50-inch Samsung LCD television.

C) $200,000 in quarters only gets you so far at the Laundromat these days.

D) It’s hard to juggle 10-12 girlfriends, play major college basketball, work on future endorsement deals and keep up with your studies.

4. Orioles pitcher Daniel Cabrera is today’s starter against the Red Sox. Ever since I destroyed Cabrera in a column on April 4, he’s not only become the team’s ace, he’s also:

A) Gone green.

B) Freed Tibet.

C) Ended world hunger.

D) Become the odds-on favorite to win Saturday’s Preakness.

5. In a document obtained by The Examiner, which of these hard-hitting questions did NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell ask former New England Patriots gopher Matt Walsh about “Spygate”:

A) “If a plane leaves Boston at 9:35 traveling at the speed of Randy Moss walking off the field before a game is over, what time will it arrive in New York?”

B) “Was there ever a time when you asked yourself, ‘Why am I breaking the rules by using Super 8 mm film instead of the digital camera Coach Belichick gave me?’”

C) “Can you or can you not do birthdays, weddings and bar or bat mitzvahs at a reasonable rate?”

D) “Did you happen to capture any footage of the Jets cheerleaders?”

6. Despite being the fastest-growing sport in North America this side of competitive eating, the NCAA Men’s Lacrosse Tournament has been cast aside by network television. Which program are you most likely to catch on CBS, ABC or NBC instead of lacrosse:

A) Reruns of “It’s Academic.”

B) A three-hour infomercial on the “Waffle Express.”

C) The Ryland Homes weekend marathon.

D) “Bowling for Dollars.”

7. In his 70-page response to the NCAA regarding allegations he and his staff committed recruiting violations, former Indiana University basketball coach Kelvin Sampson wrote this:

A) “Name one person who can correctly dial a number on these tiny little cell phones these days.”

B) “I once lost out on a 3-year-old prospect I saw draining threes on a Little Tikes hoop at Nike Camp. Ever since then I decided to be more proactive.”

C) “I was doing some surveying on the side, and those players just happened to be on my call list.”

D) “Everyone else is cheating. Why can’t I?”

Tony Giro is a lifelong Baltimore sports fan who blogs on examiner.com for fans. If you subscribe — it’s free — you’ll be e-mailed each time Tony posts a column. He can be reached at timeout@baltimoreexaminer.com.