Tony Giro, The Examiner
2008-03-21 07:00:00.0
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BALTIMORE -

I had some fun at UMBC’s expense in last Friday’s column. For my effort, I was viciously attacked via e-mail by a few loyal Retrievers fans. So, to atone for kicking the “Dogs” and to prove there are no hard feelings, I’m throwing the team a bone.

Here are my Top 15 reasons the dunking dogs will cut the nets down in San Antonio on April 7.

15. They are soooo due.

14. In his best Johnnie Cochran pep talk, Coach Randy Monroe was overheard telling his players, “If the glass slipper fits, you mustn’t quit.”

13. If any of their games go into overtime, the teams will play a winner-take-all game of Frisbee fetch instead of the usual, five-minute period. Advantage: Retrievers.

12. After regular-season battles with powerhouses Goucher College and Stony Brook, taking on the likes of Georgetown, Gonzaga, Wisconsin and Kansas will seem like Catonsville YMCA competition.

11. They’re tired of playing second fiddle to — and being ridiculed by — the university’s championship chess team.

10. Part of UMBC’s campus is located in Arbutus, and as everyone knows, “Arbutus” is synonymous with “winners.”

9. CBS announced Snoop Dogg will rap an alternate version of the national anthem before each of the Retrievers’ games. Here is a snippet of the version: “Ho, say can you see by the Dogs’ Frank McKnight. Not so proudly we heeled for the last 20 years, but in 2008 we finally here. No bowls of Kibbles ‘n Bits, its strictly dribble and kick ...”

8. Gary Williams is in no way affiliated with the program.

7. UMBC luckily avoided a first-round matchup with Coppin State (16-21).

6. They have a player named Cavell.

5. Known for its fine dining, ambiance and boutique shopping, Arbutus is often referred to as “The Georgetown of Baltimore County,” and it is time the rest of the country recognizes it.

4. In keeping with “commuter school” tradition, all of the team’s fans met at the Southwest Park N’ Ride on Rolling Road to caravan to Raleigh, N.C.

3. Phil Mickelson allegedly picked UMBC, just like he did the Terrapins in 2002. So should you.

2. Disney is so sure the Retrievers will win it all, its scheduled summer release, “Air Bud 47: Nick-Knack-Patty-Whack, Give the Dogs a Throne,” will feature everyone’s favorite dunking canine in a UMBC jersey.

1. In Article 7 (paragraph three) of the Bad Newz Kennels’ official handbook, Michael Vick clearly states: “When in doubt, always take a retriever over a bulldog.”

Tony Giro is a lifelong Baltimore sports fan who blogs on examiner.com for fans. If you subscribe — it’s free — you’ll be e-mailed each time Tony posts a column. He can be reached at timeout@baltimoreexaminer.com. And yes, he’s still bitter about the Skipjacks and Bullets leaving town.