Tony Giro, The Examiner
2008-03-14 08:00:00.0
Current rank: Not ranked

BALTIMORE -

Dear UMBC Retrievers,

I have some bones to pick with you. Why, after all these years of Division I basketball futility, does the biggest game in program history have to come this Saturday?

Why, instead of dogging it like you used to, did you pick this season to follow in your chess team’s postseason glory?

Why is 2008 suddenly the “Year of the Dog” and I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear?

I’m not going to lie: I was cheering against you guys in the first two rounds of the America East Conference tournament. That’s right. I said it.

The sad part is, I never thought I’d turn on you. Growing up in Arbutus, the Retrievers were a kid’s best friend.

Baseball camps, basketball camps, lacrosse games — you guys were my dogs.

And out of all the local teams making a push to March Madness, you guys were my favorite team; that is until you actually started getting fitted for glass slippers.

Hey look, it’s nothing personal. It’s just that I had a couple special events planned for Saturday, and now I have to make a choice: My brother’s wedding (actually, his second wedding — his first attempt at endless love failed like you in each of your past eight conference semifinals until this past Sunday) or coaching my team’s high school state championship basketball game?

Both life-changing events are scheduled for 5 p.m., but they weren’t until you started sniffing around the NCAA Tournament. All you had to do was lose to Vermont, and my Mount Hebron girls basketball team would’ve played Poly at noon for the state title, and everything would’ve been perfect.

I could have coached in the “Dogs’ house” in the afternoon and seen my brother begin his life in the doghouse that evening. Instead, I’m now double-booked and twice bitten.

I guess the best-laid plans of second wives and men often go awry.

I miss the days when the RAC was littered with 10 or 12 people — namely UMBC’s players and coaches — pulling for you guys to win. I would do anything for Coach Randy Monroe to ban you from the locker room, make you wear anything but UMBC clothing and basically have you guys practicing in your underwear again like he did a couple of years ago.

I’ve been assisting Mount Hebron coach Scott Robinson for nine years now, but I guess I shouldn’t complain. You’ve waited 22 years — a little more than three dog years — as a Division I school for Saturday at noon.

Potentially, you’re this year’s George Mason — I said potentially. Hell, if you make it all the way to the Final Four like George Mason did in 2006, I’ll don the Retriever costume and let every coed on campus take a shot at neutering me.

But I guess I should be happy for you, if for no other reason than we have a lot in common. After years and years of close calls, bad calls and no calls, we both pick the same year to make a run because every dog has its day — and yours is Saturday.

Tony Giro is a lifelong Baltimore sports fan who blogs on examiner.com for fans. If you subscribe — it’s free — you’ll be e-mailed each time Tony posts a column. He can be reached at timeout@baltimoreexaminer.com. And yes, he’s still bitter about the Skipjacks and Bullets leaving town.