| Send to Printer | << Back to Article |
| Local |
|
Dan Snyder's latest brand-name coach
 has on his mind vis^^a^^vis a new coach.','pp'))
(AP File)
It's tough to figure out what Redskins owner Dan Snyder (shown here in a file photo with his wife Tanya) has on his mind vis-a-vis a new coach. Football fans from coast to coast are placing bets this week during the overhyped run-up to the Super Bowl. Does that boot on Tom Brady's foot mean his ankle has healed? Will Giants coach Tom Coughlin's head explode before the end of the first half? Meanwhile, here in Redskins Nation, we are transfixed by yet another game of "What's Dan Snyder Thinking?" All bets are off, as the inscrutable owner of the beloved Washington team decimates his coaching staff. But wait! This just in - sources say the ideal new Redskins head coach will be Tom Cruise. Follow Dan's bouncing brain. Joe Gibbs exits after four years in a five-year contract. He leaves millions on the table and the team in relatively stable shape, with a promising quarterback and a proven coaching staff Snyder proceeds to elevate his buddy, Vinny Cerrato, and eject the coach in waiting, Gregg Williams. These moves infuriate fans. Vindictive sports columnists write scathing essays about how the young, rich owner is destroying our venerable football franchise. Washington, D.C., is once again the butt of jokes on late night TV. Hosts and comics used to make fun of Marion Barry; now it's Dan Snyder. Let's be honest. We know where Dan Snyder is headed for his new head coach: Hollywood, or the football equivalent. If there's one aspect of Snyder's choices during the nine years he's owned the Redskins, it is he's a slave to brand names. His first hires? Deion Sanders and Bruce Smith, worn out players with marquee value. He renames Jack Kent Cooke Stadium to brand name FedEx Field. He tosses Norv Turner for name brand coach Marty Schottenheimer. He becomes enamored of Steve Spurrier, brand name college coach. Tosses Marty, hires Steve. Spurrier can't win and leaves. At which point Snyder goes for the brandest name of all: Joe Gibbs. With Gibbs gone, Snyder sifts through the pile of brand names. Former Steelers coach Bill Cowher makes it known he's not available. Why not hot USC coach Pete Carroll? Snyder flies to Los Angeles to check him out. Nada. Mora. There's a brand name. Snyder calls in Jim Mora, who talks and leaves in a huff. He flirts with failed brand name coach Jim Fassell. Snyder's getting desperate for brand names. Dick Vermeil is possible, but a bit '80s. Tony Dungy is staying with the Colts; Andy Reid is tied to the Eagles. I was pondering Snyder's need for a brand name, when my wife threw me a copy of In Style magazine with Katie Holmes on the cover. She's a Redskins fan. She's famously married to Tom Cruise. Bingo! Snyder is backing Cruise's movie production company. They hang out together. Having Cruise coach the 'Skins creates perfect synergy with Snyder's entertainment cartel, which includes Six Flags amusement parks. He and Vinny can actually call the plays. He renames the team "Top Guns." Or "Mission Impossibles." Which would be a perfect name for the Redskins' chances of winning the Super Bowl with Snyder at the helm. |
