Dealing with misbehavior yanks on every parent’s chain of emotional impatience. Learn the art of a taking a parent time out. You’ll learn new emotional skills and your kids will too.
Parent Time Out with Positive Discipline Tool Cards
The Positive Discipline Tool Cards have become a popular way for parents to learn new skills to solve discipline issues and teach the whole family a new way of thinking. Parents who want to learn the art of a parent time out can take a 4-step approach using the tool cards. (The Positive Discipline Tool Cards are available in a physical deck of cards or as an iPhone, iTouch application on iTunes.)
Single Dad Brad has been writing on his blog about the Positive Discipline Tool Cards. The links in the section below will direct you to blog posts that show each of the four tool cards.
The 4-Step Tool Card Approach for a Parent Time Out
- Understand the Brain: This tool card explains why we aren’t able to do our best thinking and problem solving when we’re upset. The "Understand the Brain" tool card helps parents understand why they “flip their lids” and lose control when the brain is stressed emotionally.
- Positive Time Out: In order to “get your lid back on”, the brain must calm down. To access the rational part of the brain, parents must take a time out, get away from the stressful situation and help the brain feel safe and unstressed again. It’s helpful for many parents to plan ahead for exactly “how” they will take the positive time out and what they will do to calm down.
- Anger Wheel of Choice: This circular list of choices is explained as a way to help children – as a tool card, but it can be just as effective for parents to create a list of activities that will help them calm down. When parents have flipped their lids, they often can’t think of anything to do to calm down, because they aren’t thinking with the rational part of their brains. So it can be handy to have a list or Anger Wheel of Choice prepared ahead of time, as a gentle reminder.
- 3 R's of Recovery: This tool card is used after a parent has taken a time out only if the parent said or did something hurtful during the time the parent was not calm. One bonus about using the 3 R’s of Recovery is that children learn about the 3 R’s of Recovery from seeing parent model them.
Parents, try this 4-step approach to learn the art of taking a parent time out. Learn what actions help you calm down the most. Tell your kids you’re trying to learn some new skills and ask them for patience with you as your make mistakes along the way.
More Resources about Positive Time Out for Parents
For more inspriation on learning the art of taking a parent time out, read Jane Nelsen's blog post, Positive Time Out - You First!
Jane Nelsen has even written an entire book called Positive Time Out and Over 50 Ways to Avoid Power Struggles in the Home and the Classroom, a wonderful resource that helps the entire family learn how to calm down and come back later to focus on solutions.
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