Andre Agassi reveals crystal meth and wig obsessions

Andre Agassi  made headlines (and laugh tracks) in an interview last night with Katie Couric while promoting his upcoming memoir, Open. Agassi dove right into uncomfortable confession mode, claiming, "Hating tennis was a deep part of my life for a long, long time." Apparently, hating tennis is highly lucrative, as Agassi has earned an estimated $100 million plus fortune being a tennis hating wonderstar. (FYI I personally would be amenable to hating tennis for way less. Call me.) To Agassi, tennis in general "It always came with a level of anxiety. It always came with a level of pressure. None of it ever made sense to me." It's normal for people to have that very same mindset about not only tennis but Kate Gosselin.

Agassi disclosed problems got far worse than his $100 million double backhand. For instance, after his hair started falling out when he turned seventeen years old (excuse me?) his mind became ravaged with thoughts about his (diminishing) hair. Instead of perhaps investigating if he was experiencing a medical issue, Agassi frantically wondered, "What this could mean if people found out? What's it mean to me?" For one thing it meant his haircuts at Supercuts were about to get a lot cheaper - lucky. Unfortunately, a seven dollar buzzcut wasn't enough to bolster his spirits, for a somber Agassi confessed, "I was living in a hell."

Agassi wasn't afraid to talk religion. Oh boy. He divulged that before the 1990 French Open he prayed to God...about his hair. Agassi confessed, "I was praying for my hair to stay on." He actually wanted that synthetic snarley gnarly late 80's rat's nest to stay superglued to his scalp? That's hectic. Fear that the said late 80's rat's nest would swoosh off his head during match play consumed him, "I kept envisioning what this would be like...would I go over and kill it? Would I clip it and put it back on?...I didn't know what I was going to do." Sidenote: Didn't realize people could kill wigs. Maiming a wig? Definitely possible. Killing a wig however? Definitely certifiable. Must be an Agassi super-power.

After revealing his crushing hair battle, the interview took a noticeably lighter turn when Agassi chit chatted about his crystal meth use. Upon being offered crystal meth for the "first time" (mega eye roll) by his assistant, Agassi reasoned "My decision was: why not?" Ahh, the power of a good old fashioned, "why no?" Want to ruin your life (never mind ruin your skin - hello)? Why not? Want to jeopardize your endorsement deals? Why not? Want to rock the meth mouth? Why not? Mr. Why Not however viewed his meth use not as a wildly dangerous pastime but as a "chemically induced reconnection to life." Some might view that statement as a chemically induced reconnection to stupidity.

Despite revealing his crystal meth obsession, passionate hatred of tennis and visually horrific wig-arama, Agassi views his memoir as a "hopeful, inspirational story." Confession: I already feel inspired...to not finish reading.