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Losing a pet to death is not a small matter. You never really get over it. They will always be in your heart. Your pet is a family member, companion, and the love of your life. Just thinking about the pet you lost can bring you to tears. There are things you can do to help you and your family deal with the loss of your beloved pet.
Humans grieve, dogs grieve. If the pet you lost was a companion to another animal the one left behind will grieve. Not all pets grieve the same way. The pet left behind will exhibit some behaviors like sniffing the other pets bed, waiting by the door, sulking, whining, searching for the other pet, and other behaviors that can be translated into coping with the grief. Animals live in the moment and they move on from grief faster than humans. They can be distracted by the mere fact that they do live in the moment. They have no schedules to keep. They do have feelings and those of us who are connected to our pets know that they have these emotions. Sometimes people transfer their emotions to their pets. Research is ongoing in this field of animal behavior.
I found a place where you can get some support if you are grieving the loss of a pet. It is called Rainbow Bridge. You can Google it on the internet. I read the poem and wept for the loss of those dear pets. I wept when I thought about how tragic it will be when my sweet golden retriever passes on. It is sad that animals don’t have a longer life expectancy. We have to enjoy our pets and their unconditional love every day, in the present moment.
I included the poem about the Rainbow Bridge. The author is anonymous.
You will meet again at the Rainbow Bridge.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals that had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
In talking to folks about their loosing a pet I found there were varying degrees of grief. It was the same grief as if it were a person who died to some of these folks.
Some animals just break out hearts open. The innocence of a dog can crack open the heart of even the most gruff person. I walk my dog past a construction site and am amazed when these burly guys come over and talk to Buddy in “doggie sweet talk”. There voices get high pitched, they are like little boys again kissing and hugging the dog.
When you loose a pet you may hear the same lines from well meaning folks around you; “you will get over it”, “time heals all wounds”, “it was just a dog/cat and you can get another one”. You may be fortunate enough to have some coping tools at hand or be able to cope with the pain in your own way.
Grief has no time-schedule. It feels different to every individual. Grief for humans can be overwhelming. Sometimes we never get over the loss of our most precious companion. We can go on and live our lives while keeping those memories in our heart. You may want to talk about your feelings with a close friend, other pet owners, family, therapist, or pet grief support group.
Talking to your children about grief can be challenging. Encourage them to talk about how they feel. Do not downplay this event. How you handle grief will have a lifelong impact on how your child handles grief. Talk about the happy memories of your pet. If your pet was ill or injured, explain that he/she is no longer suffering. The Rainbow Bridge is a wonderful place to talk about to your child. There is a picture in their website of the bridge.
You should have a pet memorial to honor your pet. It does not have to be elaborate. You can do it in the backyard or perhaps at a favorite place you took your dog. It can be anywhere you choose that has importance to you and your child or family. You can bury a piece of the dog’s hair or a favorite toy of the dog. You can make a photo collage or scrapbook in memory of your pet. You can write a poem.
You get to decide what is right for you and what values you want to teach in this difficult time. Whatever you decide will be a personal decision. There is no right or wrong way. You will know in your heart what the right thing to do is. You are not alone in your feelings. Having good intentions and the willingness to do the right thing for yourself and your family is a step in the right direction in coping with the grief in loosing a pet.
This column is dedicated to all the animals we have loved and lost. It is a reminder of how lucky and blessed we are to have the love of any pets we have now. It is a reminder that someday we will meet our beloved pet at the Rainbow Bridge. Imagine how sweet that reunion will be.
Comments
Our organization* frequently needs to deal with these emotions when a condo association board refuses to let a unit owner get a replacement animal after their beloved pet passes away. This is a very tough situation, because people who are already hurting are being hurt further.
Many condos have a "poison pill" rule that lets original owners, especially in new complexes, move in with pets, but does not allow the pets to be replaced. I am guessing that the original rules favor the developers who want to get their money out quickly. Then condo law firms and condo management companies push for their "cookie-cutter" no-pet rules after the complex is established.
*Citizens FOR Pets in Condos www.petsincondos.org is a 501-c3 tax exempt private operating foundation dedicated to increasing acceptance of companion animals in condos and other types of association-run housing. We educate the public about the health benefits of having animal companions and also advocate for responsible pet ownership/guardianship. Our motto: “creating a win-win situation for both people & pets.”
Informative and compassionate article. Thanks for covering this delicate subject matter.
I lost my puppy today and im sad she got ran over even though im sad your rainbow bridge helped me a lot thank you
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