![Writing can be very healthy for teens, however when is it appropriate for a parent to "snoop"?](http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/large/hash/a4/9c/a49c8c96da9f0ecab5f65254583b1d30.gif "Writing can be very healthy for teens, however when is it appropriate for a parent to "snoop"?")
This is a subject that has many answers and opinions. First and foremost parents need to remember, "When Safety Trumps Privacy!"
Teenagers earn their trust with their parents. Respecting each others privacy should always be priority, however if you fear your teenager is heading down a dark path, and is not willing to talk to you or a third party (therapist, guidance counselor, relative or adult friend), you may have to cross the line of trust.
What are some of the warning signs that may prompt you to cross this line?
- Is your teen becoming very secretive? Sure, teens do like their privacy, however if you have a "gut feeling" something is deeper than a secret, you may have to cross that line.
- Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Again, teens will develop some attitudes of not wanting to be with adults, however when it becomes extreme, it may be time to cross that line.
- Is your teen changing peer groups? And this is not into a better one, however to one that is less than desirable? You will again attempt to talk to your teen and find out why and what happened to the other friends.
- Is your teens eating habits changing?
- Is your teen sleeping a lot? Bloodshot eyes? Do you suspect drug use?
- Is your teen sneaking out? Becoming extremely defiant? Not respecting your boundaries?
- Overall, is your teen slowly becoming a child you don't recognize?
When safety trumps privacy you are being a responsible parent. On the flip side, if your teen is not giving you any reason to "snoop" then you should respect their journal and/or diary and not open it.
What happens when you read the journal and find out more than you expected? This can be a very scary and shocking time and the last thing you want to do is explode. If your teen is struggling already, you don't need to add to this and possibly escalate it and/or give them reason to continue the negative behavior.
More importantly, if you are reading that your child is being bullied or suffering with depression (whether it is from low self worth or not fitting in), it is imperative you attempt to open lines of communication. Starting a conversation about yourself and maybe some of the feelings you had at her age could be a great conversation opener.
If you don't feel you are able to do this, please reach out and be sure your teen get the help he/she may need. Teens need to know that we do care about them, we are very much concerned about their happiness and we are not trying to stop them from having fun, however if their safety is jeopardized, we need to be a parent first.
Should you read your teen's diary? That is a personal question only you can answer.
Remember writing can be very healthy for teens (and adults for that matter), so if your teen isn't giving you any valid reasons to "invade their privacy" - respect it.
Comments
Great advice! thanks for the tips on the diary reading. Safety first is our family motto.
Liza Weidle
www.examiner.com/x-32247-Parenting-Tweens-Examiner
Your warning signs help parents make good decisions about reading their child's diary, texting, My Space, etc. Safety does trump privacy.
Fine article, clear, helpful, and sensible.
Thanks for sharing.
Jean
This is such a hard thing to determine for a lot of parents. I know parents who snoop into everything. Then I know those who would never dare. I don't think either one is right. I like to walk down the middle. Parent controls are on the tv. But that doesn't mean they can't come off on a case by case basis. I don't check texts, but the phone remains in plain view. I don't read the diary, but I know where it is. There is a password on the computer and without it, my teen can't go on. I am a friend on facebook and we know his passwords. But that doesn't mean I use them. As you've pointed out, Sue, if I need to step it up based on warning signs, then I have all the access I need. But until then, I absolutely do my best to respect his privacy.
This is rediculous! A diary is private! Something someone chooses to write! Maybe reading texts are okay, but a diary? NO! What kind of parent would you be if you pryed secrets out of your kids behind their backs? Thats why they make diarys with locks, to keep people like you from hurting your kids. Besides if your kid has done something that bad they won't write it in their diary.
I have been reading my teens diarty because I am worried about her - her friends have deserted her and she is now going to enter high school and has high anxiety, plus no social life all of the sudden. I did start her with a therapist, however, don't know if I should discuss this with my therapist as to whether it is appropriate to be reading it.
My mom went into my diary... she found out that I had been hurting myself. At the time, I was really upset that she snooped... but looking back on it, I'm really glad she did what she did. I don't think I would have stopped hurting myself if my mom hadn't gone into my diary
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