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How do you avoid emotional vampires? What exactly is that anyway? A "vampire", as most people know during this Twilight Mania, is "a reanimated corpse that is believed to rise from the grave at night to suck the blood of sleeping people". An emotional vampire is "one who feeds upon the emotions of others to bolster their self-esteem and to gain attention".
You may know someone like this. As soon as you get around this person, you feel like you've just been through a major traumatic experience. I don't know how they do it, but they seem to suck all the energy and life out of you. They need advice all the time, they talk about other people, they share their inmost thoughts and darkest feelings without asking if you want to hear it. They load you with their problems. It is exhausting.
If you're lucky, you can avoid these people, but most likely they are people that you can't avoid, like family members, bosses, or coworkers. Your next door neighbor, a mom in your carpool group. So what if you can't avoid them? How do you cope?
Six Tips For Dealing with Emotional Vampires
Who Cannot Be Avoided
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Remind yourself (constantly) that their horrible behavior is their problem, not yours.
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Don't get sucked into their endless series of melodramas.
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Limit your interactions with them as much as is humanly possible.
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Always keep your cool and maintain your composure when dealing with them. (They will likely try to get you just as worked up and upset as they tend to get. After all, as we all know, "misery loves company;" so don't fall into their emotional traps.)
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Use a tone of voice that is not cold or cruel, but that does send the message that you intend to keep your emotional distance.
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Once they see that they cannot easily engage you or rile you up, the emotional vampires in your midst will likely figure out that you have already "got their number"; and chances are that they will give up and stop targeting you for emotional harassment.
It's a lot harder with family members, but I think the key is not to get sucked in. Take everything they say with a grain of salt, and try to see the amusing part of it all. Don't let them ruin your day. If you remember all the other happiness tips, you can use them to fortify yourself against the "feeding" of these emotional vampires. For a refresher course go here.
It's important for your children to see you dealing with these people in a positive way as well. They are bound to meet someone like this during their lifetime, and with some coping skills, hopefully they can avoid some of the heartache that goes along with being involved with a person like this. You can do it! Smile and be happy, because you love your life!
Comments
You made excellent points....Always a good reminder. Thanks.
This article was just what I needed to read. I had never thought about how we can let other people drain our emotions from us. I will definately try the things you wrote. Keep up your good work.
I used to be an "emotional vampire" although I didn't know it at the time, or the name of it. I like all of the advice you've given because, those of us who are not vampires need to protect ourselves from the one's who are. The "vampire" ususally doesn't know this is what they are or what they are doing to themselves and others. If you try to stop them or explain to them what they are doing, it will most likely cause more meledrama. It took me a long time and a lot of introspection to come to the point that I recognized what I was doing to myself and others. Thankfully I had a very understanding husband who gently guided me through the self discovery of the "vampire" side of me. The life I now enjoy as a reformed "vampire" is more sweet and amazing. The best part is now I get to help others, who are in the same dark place, to see the light and how things can be if you they just try. Life IS Beautiful!
Those are great comments Jenifer. It's interesting to see things from the point of view of a reformed "vampire". Thanks!
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