Why your children throw up so much

Bring it on

A friend recently sent me a picture of her five-year-old son. He is holding a Ziploc baggie with dubious contents; it looks like maybe cornflakes with yoghurt and some other vague stuff. He made it at school, and the label on the baggie proudly states: “V is for Vomit”. Gross! I say, but of course I don’t mean it; as parents, we have an uncanny tolerance for throw-up, ever since that first bottle resulted in that first geyser.

My daughter must have thrown up on average twice a day during the first months of her life. Breast milk, instant formula, soy; warm, lukewarm or cold, none of it made a difference. After a year, it tapered off, and she’d only do it if she was actually ill, rather than for the fun of it. After a while, you built up a resistance; kid vomit is still a pain in the neck, but it no longer makes me gag. This is fortunate, as my children tend to announce that they have a bug by suddenly, violently, throwing up all over the place. There is never any warning; just a loud, out-of-the-blue, Splat!

The nasty part of it is not the clean up itself; it’s the knowledge that they never empty their not-so-little stomachs all at once. You know there’s another wave coming in half an hour, and you’ll be mopping that floor again. You can’t put them in their beds, no matter how sick they are; unless you want to change the sheets and do even more laundry. Best is to just strip them naked, place them in the shower, and tell them to stay put. Of course, no child would follow that instruction, but it’s nice to contemplate the idea anyway.

No, they’re sick; they feel nauseous and sad, and they want to cuddle. You feel sorry for them and relent, but be warned: as soon as you snuggle them on your lap, the next round of vomit will hit you squarely in the chest. And, of course, you were so busy fussing over your child; you forgot you were wearing that ‘dry cleaning only’ shirt.

There are exceptions to the sick-rule. Children do throw up when they get excited, dizzy, or eat too much candy. My daughter Isabella once woke up, ate two yoghurts and a granola bar, and then submitted to her Sit and Spin addiction. She threw up five times without actually slowing down; it was like a vomit-blender without the lid.

All this stomach-related violence is good for something. You can use it as a rationale when you are faced with stinky situations. Is your boss yelling at you? Well, it’s better than cleaning vomit from your son’s train set. Stuck in traffic? Remind yourself that you could be stuck in traffic with a sick child on the back seat.

Also, it’s a conversation killer. When somebody doesn’t want to get of the phone, you start with “you never guessed what happened after we fed Charlie two bowls of creamed spinach last night” and they’ll be signing off in no time. And trust me, they won’t be calling you back any time soon.

For more info: try these lovely sites (because you know what you really want to do right now is read more about vomit!) Kaboose, about.com, quickcare, and Cyclic vomiting syndrome. 
Of course, you'll also have to clean up, so here's a helpful site for that