What can parents do to help their child feel better about himself?

Children need to feel good about themselves and to know that they are loved. Many suffer from low self-esteem and parenting style can contribute to feelings of low self-worth.

What can parents do to help their child feel better about themselves?

Children need to experience success. When a person tries very hard to do something but still fails, then self-esteem suffers. Parents can analyze these tasks to figure out what portion of it the child can do well, and help the child to take “baby-steps” toward the end goal. If this relates to schoolwork, the child’s teacher might need to be involved. Communicate your concerns to the teacher and ask for help. Meanwhile, at home provide frequent opportunities for success so that your child can see that he can do some things well.

Parents should offer praise when it is earned. At times parents fall into the routine of praising every action a child does. When praise is offered too often, it becomes less meaningful. Praise should be specific and offered for genuinely praiseworthy efforts. For example, “Great job!” is not specific enough, and if the child hears it too often, it becomes meaningless. If you expect your child to brush his teeth before bed, then brushing his teeth before bed probably should not be praised. This is especially true if you had to remind him three times to do it!

On the other hand, “Thank you so much for picking up your toys without being reminded. I really appreciate your help,” is meaningful. Your child knows exactly why she is being praised and she can be proud of doing something that helps out.

Encourage positive self-talk. If parents are too critical of their children, then children have a hard time learning to speak well of themselves. Children get in the habit of talking about what they cannot do. “I am so dumb, I can’t even do these problems.” Sometimes, children can learn to speak of themselves in a more positive way and as a consequence of this positive talk, begin to feel better.

Parents can be creative about how to get this to happen. Some parents make the mistake of doing the positive talk for their child, “But, you are so special! Think about how well you play soccer.” It is more beneficial if the child comes up with the positive statements himself. For example, you could say, “Tell me about something you can do well.” At that point, you can help him phrase it into a statement about himself. “I am a good writer in English class.” Or, “I can run really fast on the soccer field.” With practice and encouragement, the negative statements can be replaced with positive ones.

Consider splitting 50 marbles between two containers, one labeled “Positive” and the other labeled “Negative.” Every time your child says something positive, have her move a marble from the negative container to the positive and vice versa. This provides a way to visualize the progress she is making towards saying positive things about herself.

So, change the way you interact with your child so he can begin to develop feelings of self-worth based on having more success and knowing that praise he gets is truly deserved. This in turn leads to positive self-talk instead of constantly saying and thinking negative thoughts.

Local Information

According to Richmond.com, there will be a lecture called Developing Positive Self-Esteem in Children (at Family and Community Support, 2807 N. Parham Road, Ste. 306, Richmond, VA) on July 21, 6:00-7:30 PM.

You might also want to read this related article:  Developing Your Child’s Self-Esteem

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Livia McCoy is a learning specialist whose mission is to make sure all students have a chance to be successful in school. Learn about her ebook, When Learning Is Painful How to Help Struggling Students--A Resource for Parents and Teachers which is now available in paperback.