Help your college student celebrate his or her birthday the old fashioned way!

For you and your college student, it is now officially "Fall - Freshman Year."  You may not be more excited than your freshman but you are probably more anxious.  Is she meeting people?  Is he getting along with his roommate? Is she eating properly?  Is he sleeping enough?  What about drinking...and sex?.....and then there are all those questions about the academic side.  There will be ups and downs, crises and successes. Parents who have already gone through this say:   relax...what will be, will be....and

Find a bakery:  Nothing will make you more nostalgic than if your child's birthday occurs during the school year.  You and he will both be sad that you cannot celebrate it in the family's customary fashion.  Identify a local bakery to deliver his favorite cake with his favorite frosting to share with his roommates and friends.  (College students tend to be very caring when it comes to birthdays.)

Buy the plane/train tickets now:  It is easy to forget to plan for holiday travel but remember that those reservations book quickly and there may be limited availability.

Make your hotel reservations now:  Are you planning to attend a football game?  Parents' Weekend?  A performance or conference champs? Identify the local hotel that best meets your needs and reserve early -- again, there may be limited availability, especially in the smaller college towns. 

Attend parents' weekend:  For freshman year, this is really important.  The weekend introduces you to your child's new life and helps you understand his experience. It keeps you connected.

Send mail:  Students enjoy bringing a box back to the dorm from the post office filled with cookies, candies, banana breads....anything, from home.  It is a treat he or she will appreciate.

Expect some homesickness:  After the first several exciting weeks, many freshman begin to experience some homesickness.  They miss clean sheets, your cooking, their room, the family pet and, though they  may not admit it, they are a little tired of having to take of themselves so completely.  It is natural.  A trip home might be necessary for some but is not always feasible.  Your child will work it out; she's tougher than you think.

Don't hover:  The term "helicopter mom" is a dead-on description of the parent who stays too close and too involved in their college student's life.  You are not driving this train anymore. Perhaps the most important job your child has in college is to grow up, make decisions, navigate the system and learn how to be an adult.  He or she needs to do that without your constant involvement.

Bite your tongue:  You have cared for this child since birth; you have dedicated your life to teaching, helping and advising him or her.   Now you need to let him apply all of that careful instruction and  make his own decisions.  Be there to listen and advise gently.  Your child will more likely listen to your advice when he asks you for it. Those unsolicited "you should's" will drive him or her crazy.

Pay attention:  No one knows this college freshman as well as you do.  Just the sound of his or her voice may telegraph a problem. You may wonder if there is a problem if he calls infrequently or if she calls too often.  Try not to overreact.  Just pay attention and stay connected.

Expect to miss him:  No matter how busy your life is, you will miss this child terribly.  For the past 18 years, the two of you have been on a journey as if joined at the hip.  Without him or her, it is almost as if you are missing a body part.   Experts -- parents who have gone through this -- say it takes about six months for you to adjust. 

Is it the end of an era?:  The answer is, as you feared, a resounding "yes."  Your family unit is no longer intact.  There will now be many times when your child simply cannot attend those family events and other occasions as part of the family.  Accept this (and try not to have your child feel badly about missing out.)