To grow a successful garden, one must start with good soil.
In open adoption, the quality of the soil is analogous with the quality of the selected agency (required by some states) or adoption professional. It's where all the open adoption relationships begin to sprout.
An excellent agency is squeaky-clean in its dealings with both hopeful adoptive parents and expectant parents. Ethics toward expectant parents may not be high on an agency checklist at the front end of an adoption, but make no mistake. It is in the adopting parents' long term interest (and that of their future child) to make sure that the child's firstparents are also treated ethically.
Here are some markers of an ethical adoption professional:
Regarding firstparents:
- Expectant parents considering adoption are referred to as a expectant parents or simply parents. Use of the term birthmother -- even when prefixed with the word prospective -- to describe a pregnant woman who might choose adoption is considered coercive. It's not until she legally surrenders her role as parent that she should have any prefixes attached to her title at all.
- Expectant parents receive neutral counseling about both parenting AND adoption options. Ethical adoption agencies provide this, and adopting parents should use one that does (there is enlightened self-interest for doing so: firstparents who don't feel victimized by The System are more likely to heal and move forward, which is better for all involved, especially the child. "Stuck" is not good.)
- Agency/professional provides ongoing grief counseling after placement.
Just as coercing a partner into marriage is void of integrity and not conducive to long-lasting relationship health, so is coercion in adoption. Adoption is ethical only when firstparents place with full information, no coercion, and all resources for the parenting option are presented.
Regarding Adoptive Parents:
- Agency/professional supplies accurate statistics on number of placements, number of waiting couples, average wait times, and un-placements during a recent time period.
- Agency/professional discourages matches prior to six weeks before due date. Expectant parents go through a lot of ups and downs, and adoptive parents don't want to be riding that roller coaster for more than 2 months.
- Agency/professional provides grief counseling to pre-adoptive parents who have experienced infertility. No child should be expected to fill a hole, and an excellent adoption professional should set adopting parents up for success by providing counseling.
- Agency/professional provides counseling on adoptive parenting, including the a discussion of the benefits of openness to the child (if possible) as well as handling adoption -related conversations with a child at various ages and stages.
- No less than 1/3 of the total cost for services is due at placement.
Regarding adoptees:
The agency/professional supports access for adult adoptees to their original birth certificates. Such information on one’s own DNA is a fundamental right which affects one’s physical, emotional and mental health.
For more info:
Best Practices in Ethical Adoptions
20 Questions: A Guide to Choosing an Adoption Agency
Comments
Lori -- Great information as always. Thank you!
I think it is important to know that the adoption as explained here would be illegal in Montana. Only licensed adoption agencies are able to put expectant parents and adoptive parents together if they do not know one another. This is clearly stated in Montana law.
I do think there is some excellent information here, but following the link will not produce the desired results. For those Montanans who are interested in the placement of infants from Montana, please contact an agency licensed in Montana.
In an effort at full disclosure, I work with Catholic Social Services of MT.
For adoptive parents who yearn for a child but do not live in Montana, please do not waste your heart, time, and money by attempting to use an attorney, a facilitator, or an agency not licensed in Montana. It will only bring you heartbreak.
Sheri -- thanks for reading along and commenting.
Becky -- Colorado also requires that all adoptions be done through an agency. It is my default setting, as well.
However, I know that using an attorney or other adoption professional is allowed in many states. While I personally have mixed feelings about doing so, I do know of many situations that have had an ethical process concerning all parties.
You are correct, though. As with so many services, caveat emptor.
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!