Dealing with loneliness (pt.1)

  Are you lonely tonight?

The importance of meaningful, interpersonal connections in our society is often underestimated. It can't be denied that everyone has felt lonely at some point in their lives - that empty feeling of being disconnected and friendless. But we all need to have good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Sadly, some people live their whole lives with loss and longing; but it doesn't have to be that way.

First we need to understand why this feeling creeps up.

• Social Acceptance: As social creatures, we crave company and the acceptance of our peers, family and friends. But some people just aren't socially accepted no matter how hard they try and may feel a sense of isolation even in the midst of a crowd.

• Life Choices: We are becoming a society that looks to fill every minute of every day with activities. It would seem we would be more social with all that effort, but the exact opposite is the truth. We no longer know our neighbors or even communicate in any deep way with family or friends. That lack of connection brings on loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. Moving to a different town, joining the military or college may bring the harsh reality of loneliness when we're separated from friends and family.

• Unexpected Life Changes: Divorce, death or a romantic breakup may bring on long periods of sadness, loneliness and often self-imposed isolation.

• Not By Choices: Sometimes our day-to-day life includes situations, like where we work, co-workers or our neighbors, that, as much as we would love to change, we are forced to accept.

People deal with loneliness in a number of ways, hoping to fill the void. Many of the efforts are not conscious; we just react and respond to our emotions. Some of our efforts will help us over the hurdle of loneliness but others will be only temporary solutions.

Negative Fixes
When we feel alone and disconnected, negative emotions may rise up like anger and bitterness; we may withdrawal or even fantasize about life. It may manifests itself in negative ways in an attempt to escape the loneliness, like sexual promiscuity, unhealthy attachments, gangs, drugs and alcohol. Still others seek "thrills" to fill the void.

Positive Efforts
Some of us look for positive ways to deal with feelings of disconnectedness and loneliness. It helps to envision what our life would be like if we made some changes. We may strive for a health body or academic achievements, become involved in a faith organization or self-help classes.

It takes a sense of balance, between the qualtity of time we spend with others and the time we spend alone and knowing we're loved and cared about, to feel secure and less lonely. Being a part of a group or a greater cause also strengthens our sense of purpose and lessens loneliness. If our connections are strong enough, we will be secure and happy even when alone, knowing that others are there and will always be there in spirit, if not in person.

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