Burning Question: Do racial dating preferences make you racist?
I've seen this question tossed around a bit in online dating discussions. When filling out your online dating profile, you have to describe your ideal mate. But does filling out the Ethnicity section make you a racist if you don't select them all?
I think not.
I do not consider myself to be racist. I have friends ranging from super pale (my boyfriend!) to chocolaty brown (fave coworker!). I would positively die without real Chinese food (though the fake stuff is tasty, too!) and burritos made in places where nobody speaks English. The world is definitely a much cooler place when you get to experience the things that make every culture unique.
However, when it comes to the type of men that I am attracted to as romantic partners, I find that I am most attracted to white men, followed by Asians (especially half-Asians!) and Latinos.
Would I date a black man if I met one that piqued my interest? Sure. Have I, in my 14 year dating career (my first boyfriend was when I was 15), met a black man I was interested in as a romantic partner? Nope. Does this make me a racist? I should hope not!
But the question presents itself… if you are open to the possibility of finding someone with similar interests and passions who is a different race than you, why not put “Any” under your match’s ethnicity?
I guess it’s the same reason why we put preferred gender, age, height, education, income, family preferences, etc etc etc.
We’re looking for that perfect match.
Does that make us haters of all things that don't fit into our "About my Match" section? Nope. It makes us dreamers… am I the only one?
Comments
It's quite simple: If by race you mean physical characteristics (e.g. I just love the shades and colors of the African complexion, and I think the sharp, chiseled lines of the classic Aryan face are hot), then there is absolutely no difference between that and preferring blonds, or tall men.
But it goes even further. Why not prefer the melodious sounds of a particular foreign accent (Suresh's Indian, on Heroes, drives me wild)?
Or what about the stereotypical sensibilities peculiar to some cultures? My brother just prefers Canadians. There's just something about the way most of them come across that attracts him.
Obviously (or perhaps not so obviously), the variation of some traits within certain racial or cultural stocks is greater than their differences from traits in other races and cultures - especially with respect to personality and other semi-chosen characteristics.
And of course the wise person chooses her mate based on a huge set of attributes (and even circumstances) ranging from strictly superficial to deeply fundamental. But you have to start somewhere, and looks are among the most immediately available.
And besides, there's a difference between dreaming up your dream guy and not dismissing someone just because he's pasty white.
No, it does not make you anything. It states your preferences. Last time I checked, I'm supposed to be free to pursuit happiness among other things. Furthermore, I'm supposed to have free speech. Moreover, I didn't say anything about what I do not like.... I simply stated "my" preferences.
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