A reader emailed me about my recent article on friends with benefits, and said she wished she had read it before she had got involved with the guy next door. The relationship went very badly and now she is stuck living with a constant reminder of just how wrong she was about the guy.
If you are having a hard time meeting quality men here in New York City, you may not just be tempted by your neighbor, but worst still, the cute guy in the office with the great laugh and terrific prospects. Or pecs.
While office romances are not as politically incorrect as they once were, again, it is case of exercising common sense and not risking everything for a relationship that might be going nowhere. Or heading straight into the shredder.
You do not want to dump toxic waste on your doorstep, or on your desk. You also do not want distractions in the work place. Above all, you really don't want to bring what can be emotionally untidy situations into the office for friends and colleagues alike to see and gossip about, or even take sides over or interfere and participate in.
In addition, you do not want to distract others, or make them feel uncomfortable. This can be especially true if there is a lot of 'chemistry' between the two of you. 'Getting a room' in the supply closet or under your desk or in your office, even with the blinds down, is NEVER a good idea. Yet somehow many foolhardy lovers think that they will somehow get away with it. That no one will know.
Even if you think you are being discreet and trying to keep your relationship far away from the office, it's the little things that give you away. And while it is clearly not that big a deal between two single consenting adults, I have seen married people get too emotionally invested in each other at work for it to be a good idea to view your colleagues as anything other than that. Colleagues. Or friends at best. But certainly not friends you confide your deepest darkest secrets to, or grope at the office party once you've had too much punch.
Keep things light and professional at all times. If you do sense an attraction, don't act on it. If it is clear that there is an attraction on his part, think about how it might affect your position in the company. Also think about who has the power. Is he higher up than you on the corporate ladder? Are you feeling pressured by him to spend time with him?
Dating and romance should be about feeling fun and free and easy, and above all, being able to be yourself and grow in the relationship, with the relationship growing in the right direction. Careers are about work, paying the bills, and living your purpose and meeting your goals and achieving or even surpassing them.
Dating and having a career do not have to be mutually exclusive, but the one should never jeopardize the other, or vice versa.
Comments