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If you are single, Jewish and in the City, it’s not unusual to contemplate the idea of soul mates around Valentine's season. Does it exist? Will I ever find mine? How would I know if I met my soul mate?
Some of us take a stab to find out if, in fact, our match is right here in the City. We log onto Jdate and check off green eyes, keeps kosher sometimes, lives next door please. Some may call the local matchmaker (check out my interview with NY’s #1 here) to find compatible dates who are also hoping ‘tis the season. To no surprise, this is a matchmaker’s busiest time of year.
But underneath all the excitement (or exhaustion) of finding the person we connect with, what is the spiritual science behind soul mates? What can Jewish law teach us as we stroll around New York - cold and blinded by pink.
In Yiddish, the word for soul mate is beshert, meaning fate or destiny; someone destined for us. Whether or not you believe soul mates exist, or that we have only one, we can’t deny that when meeting that person, falling in love, it all of a sudden becomes beshert. After all, that was G-d’s intention in the Bible, i.e. Eve for Adam. "It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper corresponding to him.” - Genesis.
Kabbalistically, the belief is that we and our soul mate were created as one soul, and then divided into two physical beings. Only with one another can we fully explore and fulfill the potentials of our souls, as the other has the characterists that will complete and challenge us to become great.
In the Talmud it says a soul mate is someone who is chosen for us before we are born. “Forty days before a child is born, a voice from heaven announces: ‘The daughter of this person is destined for so-and-so.”
But unlike New York culture to search for the next best thing, Judaism does not suggest we seek and voyage far and wide for our soul mate. As with any relationship or marriage (soul mate or not), it will be filled with difficulty and near-breaking points. It is possible to divorce a soul mate according to Judaism. It is also possible to remarry someone else “meant” for you. A lot about finding and being with a soul mate is a lot about finding someone in the same place in life who wants to go in the same direction and help you live out your dreams. For many of us New Yorkers, it is only other New Yorkers who might understand us and our chronic need to find the next best thing. But you can do that together.
So don’t be so cynical or surprised if your match is on Jdate or visiting the matchmaker as we speak. Don’t be surprised if he or she is at your local bookstore, or a few floors down. Sometimes living in this city we can’t imagine anyone in the outside world would get it, would get us. And that may be true.
But if you’re still feeling bummed about the whole holiday, remember, it’s not even a Jewish one! Save all the self-pity for Yom Kippur. In the meantime, eat lots of Kosher chocolates and check out all the great events (Jewish ones, too) going on in the city that day.
If you have a story to share about dating in the city, finding your soul mate, or plans for Valentines, please share. You can comment or contact me at the address below.
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