Care of Superstock.com
On my personal blog, I like to give accounts of different events in my life. One such account is my Globetrotter Confessions series where I document the crazy things that happen to my friends and I both out of state and abroad. I've decided to give similar accounts of my NYC partying experiences(clubs, house parties, etc) to give people, whether you're from NY or California, an opportunity to see the humor I do in my own situations. This opening chapter will focus on a club phenomenon I like to call the Designated Boyfriend.
So I'm in the club last Saturday with a bunch of people celebrating birthdays. I'm chillin at the bar with a bunch of my homegirls (all of whom are attractive). So I'm trying to get a drink and post up, when one of my homegirls pulls me to her side and starts looking at me, rubbing my arm and chest. Now, these are all FRIENDS whom I've had NO relations with of ANY kind. That doesn't mean thoughts don't go through a brother's head though. So in my mind I'm cycling through all the possibilities: "Is she drunk? What does this mean? Why is she being so forward? She's definitely drunk....but should I rock with it? Jamie Foxx already gave me an alibi...this could work...hmmm... No NO we gotta use logic!! Damnit! Just ask her what's good". So I being to open my mouth to speak when I glance over and see why I got the pull over. Some 40+ Indian dude was kicking that Mumbai pimp talk and she needed me to play Mariano Rivera. I realized and thought to myself "Sorry you perv, your fantasies aren't fulfilled. You have become the designated boyfriend".
Fellas, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Let's say you hit the club with a few female friends. A dude, whom one of your attractive female friends have deemed "undesirable" tries to kick it to her. She needs the save, so she tells the other dude she has a boyfriend. When dudes challenge this boyfriend theory, she pulls you to the side, to confirm her words. No matter how confused you look, it usually works out that dude will get the message and walk on by. I swear this happens to me once a month, and gets more hilarious by the moment. While I have no problem helping out a friend in need, the designated boyfriend move can pose some problems for the designated individual (me).
1) Retaliation by the Undesirables - So now you pull me over with the claim that I'm your boo. Dude looks at me, smirks as if in his head he says "Fcuk this Ray-J lookin @ss Nikka, he aint shit!" and walks away. What if dude is drunk and wants to "show you he's a BAWSE". He won't come to mess with you. I've made a new enemy without even trying. While I laugh every time this happens to the other dude, I laugh, also knowing to watch my back. Hate is a helluva drug.
2) Miscommunication - I get pulled over to the situation and may not know why I'm getting pulled. If I'm not hyper aware that she needs a save, I may just tell her stop playing and walk away, thus crushing her save attempt. Ladies, if your going to pull a DB move on a dude, at least when you pull them, let them know off-top that you need the save so he can react accordingly. The confused look is NOT what's hot in the streetz!
3) Inadvertent C*ck Block - When my female friends need that Designated Boyfriend(DB), they will come grab you at a moment's notice, irrespective of what you do. So if I'm in the club conversing with a shorty, and my friends pull the DB move, I officially become the "grimy dude trying to holla and I have a girlfriend". It takes too much too explain, and automatically turns into a "Shorty Holla FAIL". What do my female friends say to this? Either "You weren't trying to kick it to anyone right? **smiling**" or "It's not like you aint gonna holla at 7 more chicks so its whatever. She aint cute anyway" We cool and all, but if you won't substitute yourself in her place, or offer an appropriate CP3 inspired alley-oop to a female of equal or greater value, then this type of collateral damage is unacceptable!
This brought a smile to my face writing this, as situations like these at parties leave room for many future stories and clowning sessions on my friends who dub me the designated boyfriend. Fellas has this happened to you? Any crazy situations? Ladies, when have you needed the save badly and had to pull a male friend for assistance? Let me know!
Until next party, lol.
Comments
I actually only go out with guy friends as I always get bumrushed at parties and it's just easier to "let" them save me by playing 'bodyguards' than go through all that other. Most guys don't catch on that a sister is mean-mugging because I want them to keep it moving, and claiming I have a man who isn't there doesn't always work either. They just want to be on my LIST in case my man gets fired. But I'm glad to see that YOU already know how to play that role though! ;) Might have a job for ya in the durty durty. heh
Dr. J says--Well, its ironic that you would write this article. Brethren you know how it is for me out here in DC, 85% of my friends are females. And 99% of them i've had no sexual contact with. I always end up in the DB role. Here's how you can keep that from affecting your game: be consistent. If you always have some arm candy that's not your girl, it will be hard for someone to tell who's who. Most other women will be like, he's just very close with his female friends.
As it pertains to 1, I live for the haters. Bring them on 2x2. I love when some dude is hating on me and I hear about it through the grapevine. The best is when a dude tries to tell one of my female friends how i'm always out with a different group of girls and they are like, "Yeah, we know." He looks real dumb.
lol i feel you...ive def been that guy plenty of times...
almost got into a fight bcuz of it
This has happened to me so many damn times. Funny that all of the women who have ever done this to me I don't speak to anymore. You don't get the interference without giving out the benefits. LOL
So I Just Read This And Am Dying With Laughter But What Makes This Extra Funny To Me Is That MyBoyfriend Was My Cousins DB For Years In Tabu Before We Became A Couple. To Think Of It Sometimes When We All Go Out He Still Is Cause They Are Both Tall As Hell. Lol Jeff I'm Officially Hooked To Your Blogs. Lol
LMAOOO jeff... this is great. But when a girl needs to be saved, you as the friend, should be there to help! lol Because if you needed the help I'm sure anyone would do it for you :)
...yes it has it's cons ie: bad timing ..but life goes on :-P
"Fcuk this Ray-J lookin @ss Nikka, he aint sh!t!"
LMAOOOOOO
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!