“What men really want: secrets from a matchmaker” was so popular, Janis Spindel, famed NYC matchmaker, has agreed to reveal even more secrets! Women, listen up!
Spindel’s book, “Get Serious About Getting Married: 365 Proven Ways to Find Love in Less Than a Year” is jam-packed with juicy nuggets of priceless and practical advice. Described as “owning the minds of men” Spindel is in a unique position to tell women what rich men are looking for as well as where women can find them.
“Women need to appear approachable” Spindel says. NYC women, in particular, walk with purpose – their heads are down and their cell phones are glued to their ears. Not smiling is another easily fixable mistake. Don’t expect a new man to strike up a conversation if you’re laser-focused on your BlackBerry. “Men are everywhere” Spindel states, “let your body language say you are emotionally available”.
Availability speaks to the amount of emotional baggage you carry – which, incidentally, should not require a porter! Criteria men cite most when describing the ideal woman starts with confidence, closely followed by femininity, intellect, and emotional availability. Spindel advises women to “be present” when on a date or on the phone with a man; catching every third word he says or putting him on hold will be the death knell to your budding relationship.
Deal-breakers are a part of everyone’s search list and vary according to personal preferences. Some are obvious gaffes while others qualify as subtle slip-ups. For example, asking for the check and not paying for it was an obvious gaffe causing one woman to lose her chance with a millionaire man. Manners are extremely important on both sides of the dating equation. One wealthy man had to stop wiping his mouth with his fingers before he was ready to present to a possible mate. Talking about your ex-boyfriend/husband or taking a political stand can also derail a once promising union. Also, being rude to waiters and cabdrivers can speak volumes about your character.
Once Spindel makes the match, it’s up to the couple to continue what she started. He MUST call to schedule dates – absolutely no email or text messages allowed! And she must keep her expectations realistic; saying you only want a man who’s over 6 feet tall is unrealistic if you’re only 5’2”!
Dating for marriage is the heart of Spindel’s business. She maps out a clear 3 stage plan relationships should follow:
Stage 1 includes meeting, connecting, and courting. Chemistry being the indefinable factor.
Stage 2 “ups the ante” where you both have “the conversation “hopefully establishing the fact that you both want marriage and are on the same page with other important issues.
Stage 3 means you’re marriage bound and moving quickly towards the altar!
All three stages can be completed within 6 months if you are “dating intensely”, defined as multiple dates per week. Spindel advises women to pay attention to his actions and behavior to gauge where your relationship is going while noting the timeframe between dates. Big gaps are not good. Most importantly, get a ring before moving in with a man – why should he buy the house when he can live there for free?
For more info: What Men Really Want, How To Date Men: Secrets From a Matchmaker, Get Serious About Getting Married: 365 Proven Ways to Find Love in Less Than a Year, Janis Spindel Matchmaker
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