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At last month’s Dating Boot Camp event, NYC-based matchmaker Matt Titus talked about the rules of attraction. When a woman makes herself too available to a guy, he warned, it’s “game over.” His declaration raised the obvious question -- does the age-old rule of playing hard to get still apply today?
Years ago, a California-based boyfriend had this to say when asked why he was so ardently pursuant.
“Sometimes, it’s the quest of knowing what you can’t have that makes you so persistent,” he said.
His observation made sense. When it comes to romance, drama can be a pretty enticing thing. But is it a prerequisite for passion? And does playing hard to get have to be a part of it?
Maybe not, says 37-year-old NYC dancer Heidi. Her new boyfriend recently told her that if they’re still together in a year, they should get married.
“This,” she says, “is how our relationships should be... easy. I know the whole thing about ‘if it's not worth fighting for, it's not worth having,’ but I like this way much, much better.”
Maybe it’s easier to do without the drama – self-made or otherwise – when it feels like a relationship is progressing naturally over time and, of course, when you’re both on the same page about the direction in which it’s heading.
As for playing it cool, another way to think of it is in terms of taking things slowly. Because when you’re making room for romance in your life, and balancing that with staying true to yourself, why rush it?
Comments
I think the "play hard to get" scenerio is for traditional macho guys and girlie girls. For me, it's important to feel the mutual attraction, both initially and over time and to not play games. I enjoy a natural ebb and flow to relationships where both the woman and the man get the chance to take the lead at different times.
As far as "taking things slowly" is concerned, what's slow for one might be excrutiating for the other...it's all part of the chemistry. It's either there, or it's not.
Taking things slowly and playing hard to get are two different things.
Getting to know someone is smart. There shouldn't be any rush to commit, if two adults are comfortable with themselves and each other. And, like Michael said, "It's either there, or it's not."
But, playing hard to get, I think, is a waste of time. Games, in general, in the dating world are out-dated and overrated. The best way to go about dating, in my opinion, is honesty and by doing what feels right. If you don't want to wait 3 days after the first date to call, well, don't. Why make things more complicated than they are?
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