We expect it, it is good for our health, we need it, we want it; so it comes as a surprise when, for one reason or another, we stop having sex.

Pinpointing the reason for lack of sex is the major key to getting back a healthy sex life. Unfortunately too many people put the subject of sex aside hoping “things will straighten out on their own eventually.” They won’t.

What are some of the things that cause no sex marriages?

Our frenetic lifestyles for one; we tend to put sex last on our daily “to do” list. Work, kids, activities, long hours of “day-into-night,” all lead to exhaustion and exhaustion leads to lack of sex drive. How romantic can you be when you can barely keep your eyes open? As one harried mother and wife put it:

Researchers have found that when couples in a so-called sexless marriage are able to get away from family and work, and vacation on their own, their sexual activity is comparable to honeymoon sex. It becomes a priority when they are relaxed and stress is a distant memory.

The solution to a lifestyle that physically drains you is to take stock immediately of what you and your spouse need to be sexually active with each other. Is getting away for a weekend out of the question or is it a possibility? Can you prioritize a time to “get together” at least once a week, at an hour early enough so that you’re both still relatively fresh?

Take charge of your life. Be your own manager. If you were being paid to arrange a schedule for a client or businessperson, you would do it. Why not treat yourself the same as you would another person?

A second reason for no sex is the “anger syndrome.” Do you hold on to anger and let it smolder, keeping your spouse away? Anger is one of the least productive emotions. It drains you and keeps you from living. Get rid of it! Remember: Anger isn’t kissable, touchable, or sexy!

If stress, overwork, exhaustion, or fighting is not the reason for lack of sex it may be time to see a doctor. Health problems, both physical and mental, can cause a drop in sex drive. Get a complete physical check-up. Physical problems from diabetes, thyroid, menstrual cycles, menopause, prostate, arthritis, etc. can be affecting your libido.

Taking everything into account, remember that you are in charge of your health and that includes your sex life. Make it a priority.

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©2010 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved.

Kristen Houghton is the author of the new book, "And Then I'll be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" published by GPP Life