10 Steps to Creating a Dating Action Plan

It seems intuitive that the things we want to create in life require action. We know this when it comes to our jobs, friendships, family, appearance, hobbies etc but somehow we often exclude our love lives when it comes to this principle. We wish that our soul mate would just walk up and ring our doorbell. And wishing is okay…it could even happen but I would not want you to count on it.

So today we are going to discuss the 10 possible steps for creating a Dating Action plan. You can tailor it according to your preferences (ie substitute going to a new class for attending a single’s event). The point is to get you to start taking action so you can walk your talk in this area of your life. Here are the 10 steps:

Be Clear What You Want: We are usually more successful in anything in life when we have a clear vision of what we want to create. So picture the most important inner qualities of the mate you want to attract and imagine how you will feel when you are together. This will help you recognize that person when you cross paths.

Assess How Important It Is: Often students tell me that they want to find a mate very much (a 10 out of 1-10) but their action in the area of their love life has been a 2 out of 10. There is an obvious disconnect between their desire and their action in this area. This is important for them to understand so they can improve this and take concrete steps to meet people and put themselves out there.

Get Online: Many people hate online dating and say that it’s for losers who have to pay to find love. First of all that’s kind of harsh and secondly, it’s just not true. There are all kinds of people online just like there are all kinds of people elsewhere. Some are busy and do not have much time to go out a lot; others are shy or just like the convenience and scope of meeting people online first. This is not to say that you HAVE to try online dating sites, I just do not want you limiting beliefs to prevent you from EVEN TRYING a resource that could help you more actively make dates and meet other singles. So consider whether you want to give this a try, even for a few months and decide based on your experience.

Tell Your Network: A terrific way to meet someone is through introductions from a person who knows you both. This gives the other person a stamp of approval and paves the way for some immediate commonality. We are often afraid to put the word out to our network for fear of being a burden or appearing desperate. Usually the people who love you would enjoy being the one who makes you happy. You’ll never know until you try. It’s important to remind people that you are looking because everyone leads busy lives!

Attend Singles Events: Often the best targeted place to meet someone is in a room full of available people who want the same thing you do! I know it can be uncomfortable putting yourself out there but if your goal is to meet someone who wants a relationship, it follows that you should go to places where others want that same thing. So grab a friend and try it for a few hours. Be friendly and make it a goal to approach a few new people and have a short conversation. If nothing else, this is good practice.

Get a Dating Buddy: Many people find it hard to go to singles events and parties alone. If this is the case, ask a girlfriend or even a family member to go with you at first. Sometimes once you do go to a few events, you’ll meet other singles with whom you can attend these events. I call this a dating buddy. It makes it more fun to frequent these events together and you can help keep each other motivated to get out, instead of staying home.

When Harry Met Sally: Sometimes there are good possibilities of potential mate’s right under our noses! I am not saying to convert all your existing friends into romantic partners but I am saying that some acquaintance that has a crush on you might be so excited if you began to notice him. Sometimes we overlook perfectly good people in our lives in favor of hard to get prospects that will not be good to us. So stop and think about who you DO KNOW (at least tangentially) and decide whether they might be worth a second look.

Make a Commitment to Act: It’s one thing to make a nebulous statement like, ‘I’ll take more action in my love life in 2009’ and it’s another to say, ‘I will go online and surf my dating sites 20 minutes a day and go to two events (or dates) each week.’ The latter is concrete, measurable and is something for which you are accountable.

Keep a Dating Journal: In my book, ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ I strongly suggest keeping a dating journal or notebook. This is a tool to help you take action and date consciously. It is used for learning not judgment. You are going to reflect on what holds you back and how these partners treat you. The objective is to find a mate who is not just gorgeous or rich but who is kind, supportive, treats you with respect and has similar values. This process of dating consciously can make you aware if you are repeating old destructive love patterns. My book guides you in this process by offering journal exercises throughout.

Keep the Faith: Dating can be a process that takes time. There are ups and downs and you cannot give up just because you experience some rejection. Remember that it just takes one person and you need to do your part by taking action to create the relationship of your dreams. Hopefully your soul mate will be doing this too and will be so happy to find you!

I hope you will have fun and success in creating your Dating Action Plan and you will stick to it!

Let me know how it goes.

My Best in Love,

Paulette

Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist and author of ‘Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart’ by Atria Books, award Winner of the National ‘Best Books’ of 2008 in the category of Self-Help: Relationships. She’s the Director of http://www.mydatingschool.com which offers coaching and classes in unconscious mating. She was a speaker of The Learning Annex and an expert on television shows such as the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show. She has been quoted in publications such as MSN.com, USA Weekend, Lifetime.com, Reader’s Digest, ‘Glamour,’ ‘Seventeen’ ‘Complete Woman’ magazine and the NY Times.