The McDonalds McRib sandwich has become the stuff of legend.
The semi-annual return of the McRib, with its "limited time only" disclaimer, turns a fast food sandwich into a special occasion, complete with its own marketing scheme and advertising.
We see the commercials, we hear the jingles, and we can't exactly remember what the McRib was like last year, but man, it looks like fun.
"Hey, that looks good. I remember getting one of those last year, I think I'll get one."
And so we eagerly plunk over our cash, take our prize and sit down at the table to enjoy the moment we've been anticipating since it went away last year.
And then we realize, "Hey, this sucks."
Ladies and gentlemen, NFL preseason football is the McRib of pro sports. We've been anticipating it for so long, we've forgotten how bad it really is.
Like an oft-concussed wide receiver, every year I forget exactly what's going on. Every summer I can't wait for football season to start, and every year, I eagerly sit down to watch the first preseason games with all the passion of teenage love.
And then, about ten minutes later, I'm bored and flipping the channel to see what else is on.
Preseason games are just absolutely awful. I know I'm not exactly shocking anyone's world here, it's common knowledge. However, every year that detail just leaves my mind completely.
I'm a reasonably smart guy. I went to college, I can dress myself on most days, and I can recite verbatim the entire script of "Fletch." It's all about ball bearings these days, fellas.
However, every year I get all "Memento," and completely forget how awful these games really are.
I watched the Dallas Cowboys - Oakland Raiders game last weekend, a game so awful that when I heard reports saying Tom Cable had punched one of his assistant coaches, I just mumbled to myself "Yeah, that's about right."
This game had 25 flags and 216 yards in penalties. I swear at one point Dallas was called for holding, and the Raiders countered by getting flagged for having seventeen men on the field.
Preseason football gets worse the longer you sit there. We get a series or two of guys we've heard of, then a half a quarter of guys who could conceivably make the team. After that, it's a whole second half of highlights from guys who'll be back working at Home Depot next month. I don't fault these guys at all, they're living the dream. If we could be out there, we would. However, the whole thing seems to looks like what I figure that new United Football League will be.
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By the way, the new UFL team in New York will be the Sentinels. I hope they get Keanu Reeves to flip the coin on opening day.
It's a testament to the power of the NFL that these games are covered on television at all. No one's lined up to put a spring training baseball game on national television. In the NBA developmental games, they barely wear recognizable uniforms. There's no demand to air the dress rehearsal of Saturday Night Live, but glorified NFL scrimmages get the prime time treatment.
Don't get me wrong, you can get some useful information out of preseason football. It's a good idea to go ahead and see Brett Favre in his new purple "4" jersey so you're not shocked on opening day. Perhaps you need to check in on your fantasy football players, and make sure Brandon Marshall's constant complaining hasn't led to him being left at home.
Maybe you want to make sure your new 1.2 billion dollar stadium doesn't have an HD billboard that blocks punts. That would seem to be something you need to know before you place your 160-foot video screen, I'd think.
In any case, there are small doses of information you can glean from preseason football, but you can really get those from seeing the highlights. There's no reason to sit through the entire game.
If I wanted to see starters giving half-hearted efforts, I'd just watch my DVD of "Ricky Watters: The Eagles Years."
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