Looking Back With Sarcasm: For the next two weeks, every day we'll take a look back at the NFL Drafts of the past ten years. These timelines were written as the draft occurred, and are printed here, warts and all.
This was the draft where Eli Manning was the consensus number one pick, but refused to go to San Diego. Years later, it still looks like a good move.
The NFL Draft Day timeline, 2004:
Tuesday - A higher court reverses an earlier decision, ruling underclassman running back Maurice Clarett ineligible for the NFL Draft. Clarett's options are now to either appeal, or to try to go back to Ohio State. Since it appears Clarett stopped going to class about a year ago, he opts to appeal.
Wednesday - Archie Manning tells San Diego management he doesn't want the Chargers to draft his son. San Diego is amazed that anyone wouldn't want to be the next choice in their never-ending series of top five draft picks.
Thursday, 9:00AM - Maurice Clarett makes an emergency appeal of his case to Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. She tells him to get off her lawn.
11:00AM - Archie Manning petitions the NFL to use the karma points he stored up from eleven seasons with the New Orleans Saints to free his son from the burden of San Diego football.
1:00PM - Maurice Clarett makes another emergency appeal to Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. He denies the appeal. Maurice Clarett's agent realizes that at no point during Clarett's career as a student-athlete at Ohio State did he attend a class in civics, since he appears to think the Supreme Court of the United States functions the same way as an all-night laundromat.
4:00PM - Maurice Clarett appeals his case to Judge Wapner. Rusty the bailiff escorts Clarett out.
Saturday, April 24, 2008, 8:15AM - From his suburban Batcave, Mel Kiper, Draft Expert finishes his list of the top fifteen prospective suitors for Jesse Palmer.
11:00AM - ESPN begins their 2004 draft coverage. This year's team includes four broadcasters on the desk, Michael Irvin dressed like a giant burnt umber Crayola, eighteen reporters at different teams' draft rooms, Suzy Kolber following the Manning family, two reporters following Suzy Kolber, a current players' panel, a retired players' panel, an overweight players'panel, and Merril Hoge and Ron Jaworski in an isolated underground studio in case of terrorist attack.
11:04AM - The fans at the NFL Draft boo the Manning family when Archie and Eli appear on screen. They would boo the San Diego Chargers, except none of the fans can recognize any Charger except Doug Flutie, who they've seen on ESPN Classic.
11:12AM - Jets fans follow a moment of silence for Pat Tillman with a "U-S-A" cheer. Energized, they follow it up with an "Osama Sucks" chant.
11:25AM - The San Diego Chargers select Eli Manning with the first draft pick. Manning has a look on his face like he's been invited to the Academy Awards as Rosie O'Donnell's date.
11:26AM - Manning holds up a Chargers #1 jersey, but politely declines to put on the customary team cap. The camera shifts to a shot of a 400-pound Chargers fan in a much -too-tight jersey chanting "Wear The Hat." In thousands of homes across America, viewers simultaneously yell at the fan to "Wear A Bra."
11:28AM - Eli Manning gives a post-draft interview where he is so vague and unemotional, he receives electoral votes for the Presidential nomination.
11:35AM - Oakland selects offensive tackle Robert Gallery. His draft status was improved by the fact he appears to be wearing a custom-made suit containing enough material to serve as a tarp for Fenway park.
11:39AM - A commercial airs for the NFL's new product, draft day hats. Their slogan is "As not worn by Eli Manning!"
Comments