Interview with Shyam K. Sriram, Coordinator for Muslim Men Against Domestic Violence

Recently I posted an article on domestic violence, Muslim men join together to prevent violence against women. In that article, I mention a few groups, including Muslim Men Against Domestic Violence (MMADV). Shyam K. Sriram, Coordinator for MMADV, graciously agreed to an interview with Examiner.com.

Among other things, Shyam states that the worldwide “statistics are grim and terrifying.” He also believes that “The first thing that Muslims have to admit is that domestic violence is a problem in the American Muslim community.”

Read more below about what this dedicated brother has to say about domestic violence in the Muslim community, Islamic teachings on domestic violence, and what his organization hopes to accomplish.

1.  How do you define domestic violence?

First off, I define violence as the use of force – or the threat of force – against a man, woman or child. Therefore, I define domestic violence as the use or threat of force in the home between two partners (intimate partner violence) or against a child (child abuse).

2. What is MMADV's mission?

MMADV’s mission is to end domestic violence in the Muslim community through Islamic education based on the Qur’an, the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and our pious predecessors. Our focus is on Muslim men educating other men about their responsibilities as husbands and partners so that we can instill nurturing values leading to happy relationships, happy homes and happy communities.

3. Who are its members?

Since the organization is so new we don’t really have members. Anyone can attend our events – talks, workshops, etc. –and we are open to men and women, Muslims and Non-Muslims.

4. Can men also be the victims of domestic violence? Why does your organization focus on male abusers?

Yes, of course, men can also be the victims of domestic violence. But, we also know that the vast majority of violence perpetuated in the home is by men against women and children. According to Atlanta-based Men Stopping Violence where I did my internship, violence against women will not end until men are educating about their violent behaviors and actions. As Men Stopping Violence likes to say, “We are the work.”

5. What types of education/resources does MMADV offer? Does it offer help to the abusers?

Again, because MMADV is a relatively new organization, we really don’t have a lot of resources right now. But our strength is definitely our desire to spread Islamic education and knowledge about the responsibilities of men as fathers, husbands and partners. So currently what we do is men’s based education, i.e. Muslim men taking on the responsibility of educating other men about domestic violence, the Qur’an, the Sunnah, etc.

Ideally, I would like MMADV to expand to the point where we can offer direct counseling and support for Muslim abusers, but we’re not at that point yet. Also, such a program needs trained social workers and it can’t be a part-time program. The responsibility of educating Muslim abusers is tremendous and the people who offer support will have to receive Islamic and secular training on why Muslim men abuse women. But it is definitely the kind of project I am shooting for in the future.

6. Why did you get involved with this organization?

I became involved with MMADV in December 2008 when I reached out to Sister Hadayai Majeed, the director of Baitul Salaam Network, Inc., the only domestic violence prevention advocacy organization in Georgia exclusively for Muslim women, Alhamdulillah. I initially wanted to present a lecture to her members on Islamic cures for depression and suicide – a personal topic for me – but then she invited me to attend a MMADV meeting. At that meeting, I became the coordinator, which worked out well because MMADV became the community project I had to complete for my internship with Men Stopping Violence.

7. Do you think there is more violence against women in the Muslim community compared with other communities?

That is a great question, but I simply don’t know the answer. I know that domestic violence is a huge problem in the Muslim community and from what I know, it is most affected by the particular racial and/or ethnic community of the Muslims involved. From what I have seen, although domestic violence is a Muslim pandemic, there are certain communities where it seems to occur more because there are some cultures where violence against women is more acceptable than in others. The tragic irony of all this is that culture doesn’t matter. Religion matters and our religion, our deen, does not allow the kind of brutal violence and oppression of women that has become so commonplace that the rest of the world now considers Muslim men to be the most abusive.

8. A big misconception exists among many non-Muslims that Islam permits men to hit or beat their wives; would you comment on that?

In the Holy Qur’an, Allah (SWT) reveals in Sura An-Nisaa (The Women), the fourth chapter of the Qur’an, that when a husband and wife are having marital discord, a husband can do three things. First, he can admonish his wife. If that doesn’t work, he can separate himself from her in the bedroom by not sleeping with her. The ulema (scholars) agree on these two. But the last option is the one that is so controversial because the ulema cannot agree on a translation.

Though many translate “idribuhanna” as “to hit” (since it is derived from the Arabic word “daraba”), there are dozens of other competing translations – “to strike lightly,” “go away from them,” “to move,” “to set up,” “to take away,” “to ignore,” “to cover,” “to seal,” etc. Why are there so many different ways of looking at this word? Simply because verbs derived from daraba are used throughout the Qur’an with different meanings. So how can we know for certain what Allah SWT’s hikma (wisdom) was in the usage of this one word in one verse?

And this is the most important issue – even if the translation is “to hit,” the concise opinion of Shia and Sunni ulema is that it should be symbolic, should never be in the face, should leave no mark, etc. If you must, use a miswak (herbal twig used as a toothbrush) and tap her lightly. There is not a single sahih (authenticated) hadith that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) ever hit any of his wives. So, if he is the best of creation and we strive to follow his habits, customs and traditions, then how can Muslim men be believers and abusers? If Rasulullah (SAW) said, “Do not beat the female servants of Allah SWT” (Riyadh Al-Saliheen) and the men with the best character were the best towards their wives (Tirmidhi), then how can Muslim men be so abusive?

9. Do you know Muslim men who believe that Islam allows them to hit or beat their wives?

I have personally only met a few men who believe that it is their right and their responsibility to beat their wives. Some of them interpret the verse from Sura An-Nisaa erroneously and without the proper tafseer (commentary). Others put culture ahead of religion. If they were socialized to believe that violence against women was acceptable – in Morocco, Bosnia, Thailand, Afghanistan, Puerto Rico or even Illinois – then Muslim men oftentimes don’t think about the religious aspect of it, but just social and cultural. And that is what I am trying to single-handedly change.

10. Are there any statistics on the prevalence of domestic violence in the Muslim community?

I don’t have any national statistics, primarily because the Muslim community is so insular in some ways about not letting these issues become public. What I can tell you is that there have been no shortage of honor killings and gruesome murders of Muslim women by their husbands and fathers in the last few years – Shapara Saaed, Aasiya Haasan, Aqsa Parvez, Sandeela Kanwal, etc. May Allah (SWT) forgive all of them of their bad deeds and grant them all the highest level of Jannah Firdous (paradise).

In terms of international numbers, the statistics are grim and terrifying. 1 in 4 Syrian women are victims of domestic abuse; 4 in 10 women in Turkey say their husbands beat them; and 90% of Pakistani women say their husbands are abusive (physical, emotional and psychological).

11. Do you think that masjids are a good place for women who are abused to turn to for help? Why or why not?

Yes, they are a good place for women to turn to help, but they are poorly equipped to handle the responsibility. Most imams lack the knowledge or the resources to help women in need. Some don’t even think it is their responsibility, but the “sisters” responsibility. This is another issue I am trying to change in the Muslim community – it is not only the women’s responsibility to help women, it is also Muslim men’s responsibility to help sisters in need. In Atlanta, when battered women call one masjid in particular, the imam calls me because he knows that I can help the sisters by working with them and with Sister Hadayai at Baitul Salaam.

I think Muslim women also turn to masaajid because they may not know of the resources in their own communities. I have posted a list of Muslim-related DV prevention organizations in the U.S. at mmadv-atl.blogspot.com. Insha’Allah, the site can help someone in need.

12. What do you feel is the best way to reduce domestic violence in the Muslim community? 

I wrote an article recently titled, The Troubling Rise of Suicide in the American Muslim Community,” for the MSA Link Magazine. I wrote,

The only way that the American Muslim community can move forward in tackling social evils like suicide is for us to remember that it is wajab (obligatory) on us to serve those around us because in serving them, we are serving Our Creator. Perhaps when we have such a collective mindset can we really make strides in ameliorating the mental health crisis in our communities.

I think a similar statement can easily be made about domestic violence. The first thing that Muslims have to admit is that domestic violence is a problem in the American Muslim community. Next, our scholars and imams need to be actively involved in finding solutions. The biggest solution is the education of men. I am trying to make a small change in Atlanta, but I know that every day, there are thousands of Muslim women in Atlanta who are being abused. Some of their husbands know what they are doing is wrong, but some do not.

Just as I am trying to start a movement in Atlanta, I definitely am looking at the big picture. We need groups of Muslim men in every state and every major city taking on the responsibility of educating other Muslim men about their responsibilities following the Qur’an and Sunnah. I echo again the motto of Men Stopping Violence – “We, Muslim men, are the work.”  We need to work on ourselves and then educate others.

I am trying to start a national movement. I need Muslim men of all backgrounds, ages, ethnicities and races to join me and pledge their support. If you are interested, please email me at ssriram@gpc.edu.