Port-a-pots, the color of...
As concert festival season approaches, I will periodically offer some tips that I have learned the hard way. First up on the festival circuit is Coachella. Coming two weeks earlier this year (Friday April 17th-Sunday April 19th), Coachella also boasts a lineup that many have decided not to pursue. Ticket sales are way down, in part because The Killers and The Cure have been tapped as lightweight and irrelevant headliners respectively. Paul McCartney however, will certainly bring the crowds, despite folks whining that he's too old. Bottom line is that people will wait for hours to get a good McCartney spot, especially if Ringo shows up. This post speaks most directly to the dedicated fans amongst you. Our first tip: how to go to the bathroom at Coachella (and other concert festivals).
The basic rule of the festival port-a-pot is go early and often. The later in the day you go, the nastier everything will be. The lines will be longer as thousands break the seal at once. Beyond being an unpleasant experience, the port-a-pot line will force you to lose your spot at a certain stage. For those who don't have any major allegiance, that's not a problem. But imagine my dilemma when I wanted to be front and center for Prince last year, especially with a stunning lead-in lineup of Krafttwerk and Portishead. Losing your spot to go to the port-a-potty will ensure that you don't get it back. The later the festival gets, the more competitive positioning becomes. Good luck fighting through crowds of pushing idiots. So what do you do?
There are five main options. As is the case with many urination related things, guys will have it easier.
1. Hold it
This is the most simple and possibly most painful. If you have to hold a full bladder for a few hours, it doesn't matter how close you are, you won't be able to enjoy the show.
2. Go in your pants
This option will relieve your bladder but will be equally uncomfortable. By the time the show lets out, no one will see that you wet yourself, but just as going on water rides in your clothes at amusement parks leaves you miserable the rest of the day, pee-soaked clothes could get a bit annoying (and gross).
3. Pop a squat
What an awful phrase. Anyway, if you're a girl just squat and go. If you're a guy, just pull down your pants a bit and go. Of course, since the place is extremely crowded, you will probably end up going on someone's leg.
4. Use a catheter and urine bag
Homecare Supplies sells 25 oz bags for $2.99 each. If you already have a catheter inserted for whatever reason, you'll probably do this anyway. If not and you don't mind the pain, this is probably the easiest option since you can just go and not get anything anywhere. But again, catheters are no joke.
5. Use a bottle
This method is way easier for men than women and will probably be the most preferred choice. Earlier in the day, get a bottle of Gatorade (or another beverage with a large mouth opening). Then when you have to go, slip it down your pants and fill up. No one will see you. Either hold onto the bottle for the rest of the night (if you don't want to litter) or drop the pee-container on the ground.
There you have it. Take your pick. For everyone's information, I didn't have to use any of these methods last year. My bladder magically stayed relatively empty. The 100+ degree heat of the Coachella Valley can do that to you.
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