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(AP Photo/CNN, Peter Stone)
In George Orwell’s 1984, the novel’s main character Winston Smith works every day re-writing history. Enemies and outcomes of wars constantly change, what people were told was true one day isn’t the next. The newspapers and radios and videos constantly tell an ever-shifting story in the Orwellian land of Big Brother.
In our own current media, things aren’t as degraded or extreme as in Orwell’s world, it’s more subtle, but the tendency to recreate reality is ever-present. The latest case is Chris Brown’s denial of remembering the brutal beating he gave former girlfriend, Rhianna. Brown, sitting on the Larry King Show wearing a sweater and bowtie out of “Leave It To Beaver,” said, ““I'm in shock because that’s not who I am as a person, and that’s not who I pride myself on being. When I hear about the police reports, I don’t know what to think.” He then went on to tell King that he didn’t even remember beating Rhianna.
This is similar to the case of Mel Gibson, who in 2006 went into an anti-semitic rant after being arrested for drunk driving. Gibson subsequently said, “Please know from my heart that I am not an anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith.”
Again, “It’s not who I am.” Here’s the thing. The reason people forgive someone is that they believe that person has learned from their mistakes. But in the cases of Chris Brown and Mel Gibson, there’s no indication given that they learned anything, except that they’d better say something quick or their career will be over. And what they say is, “That’s not me. I don’t know who that was, but it wasn’t me.”
How is anyone suppose to forgive someone who says that? How are we to know they won’t do it again? If there’s no self-reflection, no admission of responsibility, no self-knowledge in someone’s apology, what’s it worth?
Nothing.
My question is, What’s so hard about just admitting to the truth? Everybody already knows it.
Here’s what Mel Gibson should have said – “Yes, this incident has made me realize that I have deep seated issues concerning my attitudes toward the Jewish people. I didn’t even realize myself how pervasive this sickness was within me, but now I do, and I’m having counseling and taking steps to come to terms with and correct by tendency toward my anti-semetic feelings. I deeply apologize to the Jewish people and my fans and ask for their forgiveness as I work my way through this problem that I have.”
OK. Honest statement. He admits to it and is taking steps to change. Now, we can forgive him.
Same thing as far as Chris Brown. All he needed to say was this – “I obviously have a serious anger management problem. What I did to Rhianna was unforgivable, out of control, cowardly and not worthy of anyone who calls himself a man. This incident has shown me that I need to take this problem very seriously, and now I am. I’m getting professional counseling and praying about it. I ask everyone to please forgive me. I have resolved never to allow myself to do anything like this again. I deeply apologize to Rhianna, all women and all my fans.”
Again, an apology with remorse and honest self-reflection. Fessing up to the deal. With the young kids who follow Chris Brown always talking about ‘keeping it real,’ isn’t that what’s required of him?
The reason celebrities won’t tell the truth is that their lawyers advise them to evade it and be vague and say nice sounding words that are meaningless, hoping people will forget reality over time and let history be re-written. Lawyers know that if you blow enough smoke, you can sometimes fool people.
But if history is allowed to be re-written, if the facts are allowed to be warped, if celebrities can just say “Hey, that wasn’t me. Don’t know who it was, but it wasn’t me,” then there is no responsibility taken, and it perpetuates a lie. It tells fans, in a subtle message, “You can get away with anything, if you’ve got enough money and fame.”
No one really believes that in their heart, though, because they know it doesn’t work that way in the real world. What goes around comes around. Ask OJ. Unless you change it, one day it’s gonna come back and get ‘cha.
Chris Brown’s fans, the general public who've watched the case in the news, and even Rhianna herself, can’t actually, truly forgive him, until he gets honest about what he did.
That’s what's known as reality.
Comments
i agree 100%. i was hoping he would do that. but he just keeps hanging on to this idea of omg i cant believe it. just admit to it and be real heartfelt about. he wont get anywhere until he does that. i am a real chris brown lover and its painful to see him squirm like a dying fish(especially on television live).
Who are this guy's advisors? He needs to fire them. Any kind of learning, healing, etc cannot be done in the media. This media tour is a mess. Every word will be dissected and used against him and Rihanna. And also gives insight to his thoughts, which, as the author of this post has indicated, are not that great. Get it together, Chris. Focus more on healing yourself rather than proving to others you have healed.
I appreciated this interview with Chris Brown on Larry King. I think he realized he made a mistake and he has apologized for it and is paying for it dearly and working to improve himself. That is the most that anyone can do. What is difficult is when someone does something like this and doesn't make any effort to change their behavior. The fact that he is trying to do that speaks volumes for the person he is. I think every person in life makes big mistakes. I don't think those mistakes should be held over their head forever. I think Chris Brown deserves another chance. By not forgiving someone once they have resolved to change for the better, only reinforces the prior behavior. I for one, support Chris Brown.
As an American living abroad, I am ashamed. It seems these days that if one has the connections, one can be trotted out on Larry King and be completely absolved.
It is apparent that King panders to show biz folks, and they circle the wagons to protect their own. Just look at the ridiculous two-week barrage of damage control over the drug addicted pedophile Michael Jackson. Has King been cut into a piece of the estate?
If I were to be caught red-handed, guilty as sin, I want my 15 minutes on Larry King! I'll put on a bow tie, too!
who are you to say what Mel Gibson should have said? Clearly, he does not need to say anything when hacks like you say what they think he should have said. And what on earth makes you think he needs your forgiveness. Grow up and go do something decent.
Candy
1-3 People should stop misrepresenting their personal opinion that MG is a hot-headed bigot as a rational fact. These are wrongful, prejudiced assumptions. First, one has to believe that people are never unfair, or that drunk people are never unfair, to consider the type of event that took place in 2006 proof that a person is a bigot. And that level ignorance would make one unfit to judge to begin with. Secondly, this incident was in reality a once in a lifetime event in over 50 years of life that shouldn't be misrepresented as the opposite, a characteristic trait. Yet many abuse it that way. When people have to twist a point to make a point not only do they not have a point, they have cast doubt on their motives and/or ability to reason in a balanced way. And if making a number of hurtful remarks once in our entire life in an extreme set of circumstances would make us hateful, nasty human beings, not a lot of us could honestly claim to be decent, reliable and kindhearted anymore ..
2-3 .. including most of those attacking MG. Is it unlikely that a person would have taken- cheap shots under the circumstances MG was in at the time? No. Who wouldn't feel bullied if ever arrested, it's an instinctive reaction to having our freedom taken away. And when are we most likely to take a cheap shot; when we feel bullied ourselves. Additionally, when is it most likely that we would give in to that type of emotion instead of reprimand ourselves; when our defenses are down, which is the case when we have consumed alcohol. For many of us it was completely clear that this is exactly what MG meant when he apologized and said it was the stupid ramblings of a drunkard. He felt attacked and bullied and took a cheap shot, he wasn't expressing an inner felt truth on the contrary, he was being unfair, something he feels ashamed and appalled about. And as it never happened before of after, it was indeed out of character. For anyone who cares about being fair, who sets that as a normal ..
3-3 .. standard in day-to-day life, crossing that line anyway is a legitimate reason to apologize, to take the unfair statement back and replace it with a fair one. And that is exactly what MG did. It equals taking responsibility, not the opposite.
More and more people, fans and non-fans alike, have become increasingly alarmed by the amount of hatred and condemnation coming MG's way based on this one time event. Contrary to MG, who misbehaved once and apologized for it, many of these people go on and on and show no remorse at all. The time that we are willing to take these continual attacks seriously is over. It is beginning to look a lot like bigotry itself. Whether MG is a bigot remains to be seen, many of those attacking him however are at least themselves infected with the disease they accuse him of having; a hateful, prejudiced attitude with no ability and/or willingness to deal with facts and emotions in a balanced and unbiased way.
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