Why so serious?
The world is Robert Pattinson’s oyster. He’s young, good looking and has millions of crazy (not in an endearing way --more like clinically insane) fans who would chop off their feet if it meant having Robby spit on them. Why, you may ask? See below.
The Twilight effect: Inheriting a huge built-in, potentially rabid fan base, simply by showing up to rehearsal.
So with all his money, fawning goth girls and a popular ready-made franchise, why is Robert Pattinson so depressed all the time? Is it because fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? Is the world so beautiful, sometimes he just can’t take it?
I want to cheer him up.
The first thing I’d do is buy the guy a sandwich from Jimmy John’s. They’re delicious. Maybe a cookie too, but I don’t want to push my luck. He doesn’t know me and I’m sure buying him a hearty sandwich might creep him out. I’ll take my chances.
If the sandwich doesn’t work, I’d invite him to go to Dave & Buster’s with me. He’d get me a Power Card with $50 on it. (I’m not buying him a card. He’s a millionaire and he should act like it. Throw money around at Dave & Buster’s, P-Diddy style and man up.) Skee-ball should cheer Robby up. It cheers everybody up...except for Sylvia Plath’s son.
Once we’re done playing $200 dollars worth of skee-ball and redeem the tickets we won for a cassette tape of Carmen, we’d go to a non-corporate coffee-shop and talk about our feelings. I anticipate this conversation to be one-sided. I don’t have feelings so this would really be up to him to make the conversation progress. Hopefully social awkwardness cheers him up.
Since non-corporate coffee-shops don’t really exist, we drive to Village Inn and he buys me a cup of Folgers and a slice of pecan pie. I hate pecan pie but I don’t want to hurt his feelings due to his increasingly fragile state. I poke at it, swill some bitter nastiness and tell him a dirty joke about Kermit the Frog.
As expected he doesn’t budge. “It’s not easy being Robert Pattinson either,” he tells me. Defeated, I pay the bill and give him a hug. Not a regular hug, but a guy hug. The kind guys do where they embrace and slap each other on the back as if we’re attacking each other. He murmurs something about the Dave & Buster’s card and leaves.
Poor guy. I feel bad for him. Not in a real meaningful way, but more like how I feel when I see a fish.
I hope he cheers up. Or at least goes on Twitter and tells Demi Moore his intentions before he does anything drastic.
Comments
"why is Robert Pattinson so depressed all the time?"
Um, says who? For your one picture of a gloomy-looking Rob (he was probably about to get mobbed by hysteric teens when this was taken, who wouldn't be nervous), I can show you hundreds of pictures of goofy-smily-happy Rob. Just watch any random youtube video: he's always laughing (usually at himself).
Lol, who wrote this has no investigative sense, does he? If you watch his interviews and go through the thousands of photos they took of him you'll (maybe) realize he doesn't look depressed. Actually, he looks like he should look. Happy, goofy and not growing his head because hes a millionaire (just like you said) and is the talk of hollywood.
In those many interviews and tons of pictures...and YouTube clips, he may SEEM like he's having a good time. Don't let that fool you. It's a ruse. He WANTS you to think he's your typical, fun-loving 20-something.
Don't fall for it.
God's speed Robby.
lol Mr Buckman, at least you have a sense of humour! Now please put it to good use - for instance, get your hands on Rob's indie movie "How to Be". He's hilarious in it :)
Some folks are missing the absurd humor. Well done, Mr. Buckman.
this is the best article EVER!!! and the only one i will comment on because it was brilliant! ha ha ha ha! i am a huge fan of our boy Robby but this was very funny! Well done! oh and chill out ppl! it was just a joke. a good one ha ha!
Sounds like jealousy is rearing it's ugly head again!
Okay, that's genuinely funny. Mostly because I was thinking about this last night. (Don't ask.) I think it's that post-modern angst thing that James McAvoy likes to go on about (but doesn't seem to suffer from. Maybe Mary Ann has something to do with it...). I'm sure he'll get over it some day (I keep thinking my brother will, too). If nothing else, he'll get married and divorced and then have something to be really depressed about, and not depressed in an emotionally floundering 20-year-old smoker way. (My brother is 28 and hasn't grown out of it yet. Well, he's not divorced yet, either...)
You really need to delve deeper into your subject matter. I know you are trying to be funny but you insult Pattinson's fans as crazy-not the good kind?! Even his buddies will tell you that the fans have been wonderful to Rob and all of them.
As for depressed..the only time he remotely appears irritated is with papparazzi following his every move...other than that EVERYONE looks depressed if they are not actively smiling....who smiles all the time? Oh Idiots do!
At 22 years of age I think he is handling all this fame extremely well and even temperedly and considering I have heard many stars express joy that their fame didn't come to them when they were younger (as Pattinson is) I think it is marvelous tribute to his intelligence and sanity that he hasn't gone off the deep end with his lack of privacy.
Ok, this is just dumb. Yeah, he looks like a somber type of person, ever heard of personality types? Maybe he is someone who is typically serious, introspective and introverted, maybe not...that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him or that he's unhappy, maybe it's just who he is (I'm guessing of course.) Not everyone needs to run around with huge smiles on their faces to be happy...a lack of a grin doesn't denote moroseness either. If you've noticed he's often smiling in interviews and he's very self-depricating (humble). But hey! Go ahead, offer to buy him that sandwich, perhaps he'll take you up on it. Personally, I'd rather sit back with a couple of cocktails and some good music having a conversation with him. I think it would be interesting to discover who he really is, not just who he appears to be or who the media tries to portray him as.
Very noice.
I heard that Robert Pattinson eats babies.
Is this true?
Just kidding.
(:,'. <---Dali Face
Alice, even Kristen Stewart has commented on his “rabid” fans and that large groups of tweens/teens/cougars scare her. If you don’t include yourself in that group, that’s cool. But just as you’re taking me to task on painting all of his fans as psychotics (I’m not. Just the psychotic ones.), you’re describing them all as “wonderful.”
Sorry, writing a thesis on Pattinson’s revered intelligence and supposed insanity doesn’t float my boat. I’d rather opine on my imaginary man-date with him.
He is not depressed. Granted he probably feels like he is in a fish bowl. The guy can't even sneeze without it being news!
I think the reason he continued his unkept-style dressing (he even added wearing a cap all the time) is a sort of resistance to becoming stereo-typed as a heartthrob. He does not like that at all. Geezz, his favorite actor and whom he wants to work is Jack Nicholson. That oughta show us his psyche as an actor.
But the poor thing, no matter what he wears is just ooozing with sexiness, charm & 1000% likeability!
Anita – I wish you wouldn’t have wrote all that. Now the Media has you in their sights. I tried to change their minds but…I can only do so much.
So you’d rather fill him with booze and listen to Lou Reed? I think you’re on to something. Alcohol is great for people who are sad…and for guys who write rebuttals to comments left on posts about playing skee-ball with the guy from ‘Twilight’.
Erik do you have a man crush? It's ok to admit, I've come to terms with my naughty thoughts on being his Mrs. Robinson.
Your piece made me laugh - skee ball and Demi Moore saving the day, thanks for the giggle.
This is hilarious. Seriously, you have to feel bad for the guy. If I had people running around with t-shirts saying "Bite Me" I would be nervous/scared/apprehensive/you name it. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders, let's hope it stays that way.
Love your commentary... especially as it is not derogatory - just well written and amusing with none of the 'crap' other online writers dish out. Well done... think I might follow you...
Great article...as far as the comments all I can say is.....wow...
I think it's good someone has written something non-inflammatory (sort of) about this guy. I have seen lots of interviews with him smiling, though. I think it's just hard to all of a sudden have your life out there for everyone to see and speculate on. What's up with all the B/S rumors? “He smells bad” Blah, blah, blah.... It angers me to have someone who's obviously an easy going and genuine guy get so attacked like he's been. Not to mention he's a visitor in our country. What is wrong with us? It's called a lack of hospitality or more appropriately the jealousy of hundreds of past sex symbols getting their poor little feelings hurt. I don't know either way, but yeah, I do feel bad for the guy. As far as I'm aware of, he's never said anything bad about anyone here.
@ Erik - Imaginary man date - holy s@*t. And, the majority of his fans are insane. There are very few of us who just think the guy happens to be talented and hot. No need to scream like you're trapped in the bowels of hell if you see him. He's normal, remember this...HUMAN not VAMPIRE, Robert not Dali. Thanks for the good read.
I would cook for him and just hang out. I am sure he gets sick of eating out...and being out with people bugging him everywhere he goes. I am happily married and have 3 young kids, so he won't have to worry about me throwing my panties at him or anything like that. I am nobody...actually, I am somebody...I am just me...isn't that simply what he wants to be.
Great! I have to give it to you... this was funny... Have to love irony.
It's spelled hearty, not hardy. Sorry, I always correct people's spelling. Otherwise, great article.
"Plants are hardy. Soup is hearty"
Thanks Melissa. Updated.
OMG that was Hilarious.. i didnt want it to stop it was like havn to put down a good book..haha your awsome!!
OK, so I don't usually like snubs about Robert because he's sensitive and stuff... Seriously - I'm not joking.
BUT, this article was THE funniest thing I have read in ages!! I am a writer, ok not really published, but I write a lot and this made me bust a lung! Though it was awkward and if he read it he'd probably wince it was BRILLIANT!!! I am now a huge fan of what you write - I don't even care if it's about cow poop, I'm sure it's facinatingly funny!
Keep it up!!!
Do we really know Rob? I'm not talking the actor, but the man. Not everyone responds the same. He has a right to keep his life out of the media. Why do we make assumptions or stereo type a person? It's like getting a promotion without it going to your head. Right? Whatever he is feeling about the whole situation, that is totally his business. If having to have a few drinks to relax does the trick, then so be it. I blogged about something like this the other day. Just my opinion and respons to some of the comments as well.. =^_^=
sorry, just to make one thing clear. when I say he has a right to keep his life out of the media, I meant his personal life and his personal feelings. There is more to him than a pretty face or the characters he play. ugh.. Sorry, it just gets me alittle aggrivated. Although, I thought the article had some great humor to it. I would have probably laughed at it, if were about myself. ok, well.. onto the next person to comment.. =^_^=
Uh, her name is Sylvia Plath. That was really insensitive, and this whole article is a waste of time.
Amber, thanks for your correction and your insensitivity regarding my insensitivity.
I thought this article was hilarious. I don't think he's depressed; I think he's just a loner. People transpose loneliness on him among other things...He seems pretty well adjusted. I like him because he comes across as simple and honest though others take that and speculate all kinds of things about him because they think he's all kinds of complicated and angsty. Maybe he is. Who cares?
Rob himself would laugh if he read this article...truly. I think he looks around and still thinks "What the hell is going on?" Thanks!
Something wrong with you?
I mean...haha I dont know what to say.
emm...really,maybe someone should give you a Jimmy John`s sandwich.Probably you would even take the cookie.
You seriously waste your time writing this weird,so not funny stuff about somebody you think is always depressed because(of course) you know him so well? Yeah,well thats hilarious...(You know what sarcasm is,right?)
Gosh you are mean!!
(and funny)
I can't believe you guys are REALLY angry and discussing this post.
It's just plain funny. Not a treatment about human behavior or prozac users. C'mon! It's a funny dark joke that can't hurt Rob in any way!
Cheer up you guys (too). We all know how lovely, polite and kind Rob Pattinson is. And there's no one around here WISHING him bad stuff.
Deep breath!
I'm not sure which is more funny- reading Erik's article or reading his rebuttals to the rebuttals to his article.
That sounds like an awesome man-date, I'm jealous :D
I wouldn't buy the cookie, I'd buy the pickle. Actually, I wouldn't take him to Jimmy Johns but to Babes and get the Chubby Cheeseburger. All that grease dripping down his chin onto his t-shirt. . . You know what, scratch we'll go to Incredible Pizza. They already the skeeball. Too many children though
Now Now girls, ladies and women.......Erik was doing a little tongue in cheek thing. I like millions of others adore Robert Pattinson, I've been saying for a long time "How I wished he was MY SON." Rob is really in a weird place, think about it how are you broke to the bone last year and now your a mlti millionaire and nearly every female on the face of the earth wants to take you for their own. He may be depressed, with money and fame comes so much game playing, fraudulent friendships male and female. The article was fine and if you look through your own "craziness" this could be exactly what he may need right now, JUST TO BE A GUY WITH A GUY DOING WHATEVER. Lay off girls
This article is funny! I agree, Rob just needs a man date! Get away from all of the crazy, screaming girls and just hang out with the boys! Dave and Buster's will be awesome. It will definitely loosen him up. I totally understand the not use to the fame. Who could be use to having tons of people screaming at you and having dirty, sexual thoughts about you on a daily basis. Wait.....did I just tell my secret? :) Rob, please don't write him in your black book. Instead write his number down and go play some skee-ball!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE it's not funny to see or even hear that rob it's like this i mean don't you have a heart, don't you feel bad for him i know i do i would do ANYTHING to make him happy you people just neet to stop saying that and do something else. = }
hahahaha You folks are really funny hahaha
Despite the fact that were discussing who should buy or not buy, or eat or not eat a sandwich,
YOU DON`T REALLY THINK HE GOT RICH WITH THIS TWILIGHT STUFF,ARE YOU?
hahahaha well...THAT`S hilarious^^
(Besides,I think he did a grat job playing Dali;)
Aaaaand scene.
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