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It'll cost you
Congratulations, you’ve managed to save up enough money to go to the movies. You’ve paid the 10 to 12 bucks for a ticket (12 to 15 for 3-D, your first born for IMAX). You’ve gotten the most ridiculously oversized small soda imaginable, along with a few snacks that wouldn’t regularly cost you your life savings. You’ve suffered through the 8 or 9 previews whose total length is longer than the movie you came to see. You win. You’ve finally made it to the feature presentation. Then, for some unknown reason, all hell breaks loose in the theater you’re sitting in.
You see, there are people who willingly shell out their hard-earned cash to see a movie in the theater and don’t believe that just because they spent upwards of a million dollars to get in, that said theater is their home. But, there are others who believe that since they spent the same amount of money, it gives them the right to behave however they please, even if they happen to be ruining everyone else‘s time. For those selfish dunderheads I have made this list, consisting of five easy to follow rules for when you’re at the movies.
Sit down and shut-up
It may come as a great shock to those people who have an ongoing diatribe with the characters on the screen that the rest of the theater could care less about their opinion. That’s right, woman in the back row who‘s been repeatedly telling the actors what they should and shouldn‘t do, no one wants to hear you talk. Shut-up before an angry moviegoer gets up and duct tapes your mouth hole closed.
Also, if you decide to show up to a movie twenty minutes late, don’t draw attention to yourself, screaming at the top of your lungs. While you’re at it, don’t stand at the front of the theater having a conversation about where you’re going to sit. Enter quietly, find the nearest open seats, and sit down. When you’re finally seated, don’t try to figure out what’s going on in the movie through an out loud conversation with yourself. It’s your fault that you came in late to the 7:00 show instead of getting tickets for the 7:30 show like a rational human being would. Don’t make the rest of the theater suffer for your stupidity.
Don’t make a mess
Just because there are people hired to work at and clean up the theater you’re sitting in doesn’t mean you should treat it like one huge garbage can. Trust me, the poor high schooler with the dust pan and broom you pass at the end of the film isn’t getting paid enough to scrape your gum off the floor, clean up the popcorn you spilled then mashed up on the ground, or pick up all the half empty packets of ketchup and mustard you concealed under your seat. I know it’s hard, but try to show some class.
Don’t bring small children to R rated movies
A few years ago, I was in a packed theater on the opening night of Rob Zombie’s “The Devil’s Rejects.” For those of you who have never seen the movie, in the first scene, a dead, nude woman is dragged across the screen. This is followed by around 90 minutes of extreme violence, nudity, and language galore. Front and center at this rated-R-for-a-reason fun fest was a man and woman with three small children, the oldest no more than 8-years-old. At “Land of the Dead” I heard a small child begin crying about halfway through the movie. Recently, at a showing of “Orphan” a woman came in with her four small children and let them run loose through the theater, not even bothering to sit in the same section as them.
To the parents who bring their small children to movies that are definitely not for kids, I say this: not only should you be ashamed of yourselves, but also, social services should remove your children from your care. I can’t imagine that the price of a babysitter is more than the price of your child’s ticket, not to mention the price of the poor kid’s sanity, as these films will surely give them nightmares for weeks. If you can’t afford a babysitter, you shouldn’t be able to afford a night at the movies for five people. Wait for it to come out on DVD and watch it after you put the kids to bed.
Give people some space
Have you ever gone to see a movie about a month after its release, in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday to try to avoid the madness of a packed house? While sitting in the empty theater did one other person show up and sit in the seat directly in front, behind, or next to you? It’s a big theater, guy. Spread out. You can’t tell me that one row forward or back is going to make a difference in your movie-going experience.
Turn off your cell phones
This seems rather obvious since it’s posted on just about every door you pass through in the theater, as well as there being several advertisements before/during/after the previews that tell you to do so. Still, there are some people who just can’t be disconnected from the outside world, even if only for a couple hours. Maybe they think everyone in the theater cares about their plans for the rest of the weekend. Or maybe they just downloaded a cool new ring tone and want to show it off. Either way, if you’re someone who not only leaves their cell phone on, but also answers it and has full conversations during a movie, let it be known that the rest of the theater hates you and is wishing great harm to come upon you on your drive home.
In closing, if you cannot follow these five seemingly simple rules, just stay home. The movie-going public will thank you for it.
Comments
You forgot to mention the people who cannot keep their feet on the floor and repeatedly kick the back of my chair.
GregR, if I'm kicking your seat it's because you're annoying me. You'd be surprised how effective it is at shutting people up.
Just a nitpick: the phrase is "couldn't care less." To say that people could care less means they have some emotion towards it that could be lessened. Couldn't care less means they don't care.
I'm rather surprised that the theater personal lets kids in to see movies they are not supposed to in the US. In Germany you're only allowed in if your age matches the movies rating even if you bring your parents. As for the rest: true, but those who didn't care before are still going to give a **** about this rules.
Remember when there used to be ushers? They would usually put a stop to this and all other types of bad behavior.
People bringing small children (toddler and under) to ANY film and sitting no where near an exit so you can watch the film with their kid(s) being fussy and screaming! While hearing "SHHH".
I do think the sit down and shut up rule can be tweaked a little. I've heard some funny comments during movies that helped in the enjoyment of that said movie. I think there are exceptions to that rule only.
There are NO exceptions to "sit down and shut up." NONE. It is rude and disruptive and can RUIN a movie. If you actually think some stranger's witticisms about a movie are funny, go home and read some message boards afterward. They should NEVER be an interruption the entire theatre has to hear.
There are NO exceptions to "sit down and shut up." NONE. It is rude and disruptive and can RUIN a movie. If you actually think some stranger's witticisms about a movie are funny, go home and read some message boards afterward. They should NEVER be an interruption the entire theatre has to hear.
Texting counts as cell phone use.
A girl beside me started texting on her blackberry, and I started reading what she was writing. She looked at me like I was infringing on her space, but I felt justified if she was going to have her phone glowing right beside me.
DAH!! Finally!! i think the only thing i disagree with is that you were not violent enough...these people should be beaten, then thrown out of the theatre..
I used to love going to the theatre. But recently, it's like having a cheating girlfriend - you take her back, sure that it'll be different the next time, but it never is. Now I hate going to the movies. Even when the experience is fine, I stress that something will happen, and it pulls me out of the experience. The worst time is Oscar season, in which dumb people go to see good movies, and then get confused when it's not G.I. Joe.
There are always exceptions to 'sit down and shut up' , if you want to watch a movie in the absence of noise and distractions, then watch it on DVD in your own home - or stream it off netflix. If you want to watch a movie and evaluate it artistically, then go to your local art-house theater (Hey Baltimore, go see a revival film at the Charles!). You went to the multiplex - not everyone watches films the same way, that's part of the experience! stop griping, there are plenty of other ways to watch a film.
It's completely inane and overdone to gripe about people at the movies. but, hey - that food on the airplane sure is terrible!
Along with the cell phone issue--NO TEXTING!!! Your glowing screen is really, really annoying.
((You forgot to mention the people who cannot keep their feet on the floor and repeatedly kick the back of my chair.))
Good shout. I'll second that.
Got to agree with 'Give people some space' - It's extremely frustrating. Whether its behind you, beside you or even worse, infront of you, you just want to scream at the top of your voice -Get lost you big headed moron!!!!
Thank you!! People who can't shut the f*** up at the movies should stay at home and watch dvds. There they can talk, eat, text, smoke and do whatever they do that distracts not only them but especially others who really want to see movies on a big screen (cause thats what movies are made for) as much as they want.
Gosh, so it happens in the States too! I thought it was just over here in the UK where morons pay to see a film and then spend the whole time talking, texting and making a nuisance of themselves. It doesn't matter what time of day you go or what film you go to see, there is always someone (or more likely three or four) who just can't sit and watch the film and enjoy it. They behave as if they're in their own homes, feet up, talking, shouting, texting throughout. And when the lights come on, there is the popcorn bucket, spilled over the whole floor, the drinks cup left in the seat holder, etc. Just pick it all up and dump in the bin when you leave!
It seems like every movie I have seen this summer (and there have been that many) there is some imbecile who violates not one, but all of these rules. Just the other day I saw Perfect Getaway, and in addition to the movie, I got the special limited addition Old People Describing What is On Screen to No One in Particular Commentary!
Spot on.
And by have, I mean haven't.
And by addition, I mean edition.
"You forgot to mention the people who cannot keep their feet on the floor and repeatedly kick the back of my chair."
yeah, thats the standard... can't understand why
AMEN!
This is why I don't go to the movies anymore...selfish, stupid people. Maybe the studios will figure this out and start releasing movies on DVD or maybe On Demand at the same time as the theaters, so the unwashed masses can go act like apes at the theater, and people who just want to watch a movie can stay home.
In my local multiplex, peaople will leave there session when it finishes and randomly walk into another session, then they will text, or try to figure out whats happening in the movie that is already 3/4s finished with the friend with them
Also Parent need to realise that a 2 hour movie isnt a babysitting service, too many parents drop there 2 kids off at pixar film and leave to go shopping - its not on, your kids are are not cinema trained, so dont dump them on us
Dear blah blah blah,
No, we will not stop griping. This isn't about "people experiencing movies in different ways." This is about people who are thoughtless and completely inconsiderate of the other audience members. I go to a theater to WATCH A MOVIE, not to listen to rude morons talk and make noise throughout it. By your post I think you are one of these rude morons. You may think there's nothing wrong with your disruptive behavior, but it's really annoying to everyone else. For everyone else it completely ruins the movie. And don't give me this "just stay home and watch DVDs" crap, it's the idiots who can't keep quiet during a movie who need to stay the hell home.
i live in downtown toronto. there's one particular theatre that has problems one afte another. would you believe this one though? for cheap midday matinees, hobos will gather their 4 dollars in loose change and come in to a warm dark theatre and sleep the whole time..it's like a hotel for them! they're smart about it too..they'll pick lord of the rings or another long ass film and crank out some z's the whole time..complete with snoring.
i live in downtown toronto. there's one particular theatre that has problems one afte another. would you believe this one though? for cheap midday matinees, hobos will gather their 4 dollars in loose change and come in to a warm dark theatre and sleep the whole time..it's like a hotel for them! they're smart about it too..they'll pick lord of the rings or another long ass film and crank out some z's the whole time..complete with snoring.
You've failed to answer the most important question of cinema-going etiquetee. When sitting in the cinema with your overpriced snacks and drinks, one occasionly gets a little tired. Too tired to sit upright for 2 hours. Sometimes, one wishes to recline slightly, to take some of the exertion out, to relax. And so, the most important wquestion is - Which arm rest is yours? Right or left?
i live in downtown toronto. there's one particular theatre that has problems one afte another. would you believe this one though? for cheap midday matinees, hobos will gather their 4 dollars in loose change and come in to a warm dark theatre and sleep the whole time..it's like a hotel for them! they're smart about it too..they'll pick lord of the rings or another long ass film and crank out some z's the whole time..complete with snoring.
You've failed to answer the most important question of cinema-going etiquetee. When sitting in the cinema with your overpriced snacks and drinks, one occasionly gets a little tired. Too tired to sit upright for 2 hours. Sometimes, one wishes to recline slightly, to take some of the exertion out, to relax. And so, the most important wquestion is - Which arm rest is yours? Right or left?
You know back in the dark ages, they used to have movie ushers that would preserve sanity in a movie theater. Isn't this the function of the theater owner? I have been tempted to tell people to be quiet, but you never know who has some type of weapon on them. Plaxico Burress could be in there!
"blah blah blah" may want to know others share his general approach to life. I was on the subway with a guy carrying a boombox blasting at top volume, forcing everyone to listen. When the transit cop told him to turn it off or use earphones, he said, "Not everyone experiences the subway in the same way."
That "wall" in front of your seat..is the back of another person's seat. Don't kick it..nudge it..push it..or lean on it.
I agree with everything mentioned here especially the rule of not bringing your children to innappropriate movies. I just recently saw 500 Days of Summer and right in front of me was a family of 10 or 11 (5 of which were small children under the age of 13). To begin, the family came in late, walked up and down their aisle handing out snacks for 10 minutes, and whispered constantly. Now the movie is rated PG-13 so you know that means there will be some sex and language. Apparently, they decided after the first sex scene that this film was not right for a family outing and one by one they all stood up and walked out. DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE YOU TAKE YOUR KIDS TO A MOVIE. I can't tell you how infuriating this was. Who takes their kids to a movie without first finding out what it is about?
Morons. That's who.
All so true. I'll never forget the two little girls in pigtails and frilly dresses who showed up front and center with their dad for a showing of Blade. At our local theater they often have the managers come out before the show and go over the whole "no cell phones" rule.
The first movie I was ever taken to see was "Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs". I was maybe four years old. The auditorium was dark and silent, even before the feature started. My mom told me to sit still, be quiet and watch the movie. The lights went down and the magic began. Since then I have always treated a theater like my church. Today, people treat it like their living room. They've become used to being able to see movies at home soon after the theatrical release so they don't care if they miss anything. They're filling their time. And wasting mine. Going to movies anymore has nearly become more trouble than it's worth. People don't respect the craftsmanship involved, even in a summer blockbuster. It's very disheartening.
I don't know about the U.S but in the U.K, they have an "over 18's" viewing of most films.
That keeps the annoying children away anyway.
I don't know about the U.S but in the U.K, they have an "over 18's" viewing of most films.
That keeps the annoying children away anyway.
I have an audience scale that I developed in the mid-90s. It still holds mostly true.
3) Blockbusters - the worst kind of audience; loud, messy and vacant
2) Independents - slightly better, though when independents became hip, some of the blockbuster crowd started crashing them. This category can float based on the genre. Costume drama audiences are generally respectful. The Tarantino knock-offs that bred like bunnies generally brought out the clueless.
1) Foreign Films - the best audiences. You either need to know the language or have to read the subtitles. Either one requires too much brain power to carry a conversation with a friend, and the genre itself turns off more people than it attracts so the audiences are small.
Oh man, this is all too true. I remember sitting in a theatre and about ten minutes into the film, a guy opens the door to the theatre and yells in, "Hey, Joe, you in here?" A lot of the audience yelled back to tell him to shut up, and he responded with a lot of profanity. When everyone goes to the theatre, everyone needs to have an ice cold glass of SHUT THE HELL UP.
You tell 'em, Mark!
I have this friend who could never shut up and always had to comment on something in the movie with this big loud voice. What do i do with that? She is my friend and i didn't want to hurt her feelings but her talking to me constantly always disturbed me not to mention that if i say something in a whisper she talks in her loud voice saying "why you whispering just talk normally they cant do anything to us" and it disturbs others and i hate that i don't like to cause trouble for other people.
it happens everywhere - I can say for sure about india/uk/hong kong. in india you spend 5-6 hours for the whole 'experience'. 1 hour each way to the mall through a traffic jam, 30min to get in/out of parking, queue up for tickets, security checks, line up to go in the halls & then if someone starts spoiling the whole experience (and it's a movie which is really worth 'it') you want to do pretty terrible things to them!!!
... consequently I now watch 90%+ of my movies on the computer - using my ipod earphones for incredible sound, with the movie page open on imdb & ready to download songs which I like after the movie!
Just do what I do: if something disruptive happens in a movie, complain to the manager afterwards and get your money back. It will work every time (or they give you a free pass for another movie). If enough people do that, they'll start policing their theater better to avoid the loss of income.
And if that doesn't work, then do what I've also done: throw people out yourself.
Thank you, Mark Jones! I've been complaining about all of the above for YEARS!!! Here's another: People who bring outside food. That's their business but WHY do they wait until the feature starts to take their containers out (*rustle* *rustle* *crinkle* *crinkle*) instead of doing it during the LOUD previews. #$%@!
I often sit in a darkened theater and wonder "Why are all these people here?", since I feel like the only person there to actually see the movie. The newest scheme of the gigaplex theaters is to bring in a cart of food before the film begins and ask people if they want to be served in their seats. I think this just fuels the "here to do anything but actually watch the bloody film" mentality. Sorry, but if you can't make it through 2 hours without having a crackly plastic container of messy nachos to tee hee about when you make a mess all over the place, then maybe you should stay home.
Oh, and NEVER see a film when the gigaplexes are giving out free balloons to kids. Imagine watching "Indiana Jones and the last Crusade" with two dozen balloons on strings in front of you at various places about the theater. I believe my soul shriveled and died that day.
If you insist on drinking a 64 oz. soda for 3 hour movie, please sit in an aisle seat. Common sense says you will have to take a bathroom break, and nobody should have their toes stepped on because you were stupid enough to drink a Super Big Gulp.
As a general rule, you should always visit the restroom before the movie starts, whether you're drinking a beverage or not. This will ensure you don't miss any of the movie and not bother anyone else getting in and out of your seat in the middle of the film.
I remember going to "South Park: BL&U" where a father brought three kids under 10 years of age. All I could think was, "Good luck explaining the word 'clitoris' on the ride home, Dad!"
May I add... "no cellphone" includes text messaging and/or emailing during a movie. I can't tell you the number of times I've been in a theatre and random pockets of light start appearing. And I've expeienced most of the above at the Toronto Int'l Film Fest too. Frankly, I think I should have the right to euthanise people who get on the phone during a screening. They're begging to die.
I totally agree with these rules, especially the not bringing children to late night inappropriate movies. I could be wrong but I thought the PG-13 rating was that you had to be over 13 to get in and R means you have to be over 18. I used to worry about being turned away from a PG-13 movie when I was a kid because they used to actually check. Are the ratings just options for the viewer or are they actual restrictions?
I was at a late movie (9:30-11:30pm) and I heard a kid crying. It looked to be several 3 year old near the front close to a couple baby carriages! I thought there are special theatres now where parents can sit with other parents and their babies.
While watching Shrek, my friend and I were continuously kicked by a couple behind us who were doing some hard core hands down the pants action. when we turned around to show we noticed our seats kicked (and first saw what they were doing) the guy just looked at us and continued. oh awkward.
Anyway, that's my moviegoers rant
While working in the box office, a mother of two asked for two child tickets for a R rated movie. When I pointed out that anyone under the age of 17 had to be accompanied by an adult, she asked me "well, there isn't any S-E-X in it is there?" I kid you not, she spelled it out. I lied to her and said yes. The only rating with a law enforcing it is NC-17. You can't even bring a baby into the theater. The R rating is up to the theater to enforce. Some do, some don't. The rest nobody cares about enough to worry about. Incidentally, PG-13 means that there can be some nudity. Yep.
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