'Halloween II' is a lousy way to end your summer

Theatrical release poster

Way back in 2007 when Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” hit theaters, the musician-turned-director stated that there would be no sequel. His vision of the John Carpenter classic was met with much hostility, but turned out to be one of the best remakes in recent years. It stuck true to the original, but added new life to the Michael Myers character by showing the audience his home life before his initial killing spree, followed by his years spent in the sanitarium. Of course, it ended with Myers getting shot in the face at point blank range after his Halloween rampage through his hometown, so it wrapped up nicely. Done deal. No sequel.

Almost two years exactly from the release of Rob Zombie’s “Halloween,” the sequel he said would never be made is in theaters. You’re going to wish he kept his word.

A year after the infamous killing spree by the hands of Haddonfield’s own Michael Myers, the effects are still being felt by its survivors. Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton), who supposedly killed Myers with the aforementioned gunshot wound to the face, is a shadow of her former self. Gone is the sweet and innocent teenage girl, replaced by an apathetic, grimy punk rocker. She lives with Sheriff Brackett and his daughter Annie who also survived the Myers night of terror. While this new, patchwork family tries to get on with their lives, Dr. Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), Myers’s former psychiatrist, has made a career out of exploiting the murderous rampage of his former patient. All the while, Michael Myers has been roaming the countryside waiting patiently to make his return to Haddonfield.

In concept, the idea of seeing how everyone’s life has turned out after surviving a horror movie is interesting. How are these people going to put their lives back together after enduring a night being hunted by serial killer? After Laurie Strode has her second or third dream sequence involving Myers killing everyone in sight, it becomes apparent that “Halloween II” isn’t going to live up to whatever expectations you had for it.

Remember those commercials where the little boy would ask the owl how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? If that same boy asked that same owl how many times Michael Myers would have to stab someone before the scene can move on in Rob Zombie’s “Halloween II,” the owl would surely answer, “An excessive amount.” Let it be known that I’m no horror rookie. I enjoy a good slasher movie, but when every time the killer comes across a new victim he has to stab them over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over (see how annoying that is) it becomes as boring and redundant as sticking to close-ups where the character onscreen is just continually dropping the f-bomb (wink, wink). Not only are these excessive stabbings enough to want to jump to your feet and yell, “We get the point,” at the screen, they’re repeatedly shot in an ultra-annoying, shaky close-up, making it indiscernible what is actually happening on the screen.

The most baffling part of “Halloween II” is the return of Sherri Moon-Zombie as Michael Myers’s mother. For those of you who don’t know, she killed herself in the first installment, making it impossible for her to be around for part 2, right? Wrong. In “Halloween II” she’s back as some kind of ghost or voice in Michael’s head, I don’t know. Either way, her inclusion in the film is so utterly pointless, it would seem Zombie just wrote in the part to give his wife a pay day.

I am a huge fan of Rob Zombie’s other films. “House of 1000 Corpses” brought horror to a new level. “The Devil’s Rejects” showed the world Zombie’s serious side, while he shined as a filmmaker. “Halloween” gave us a remake by a true fan of the genre. “Halloween II” seems more like a half-hearted attempt at staying in the game, than an actual end to an “extreme vision.” Hopefully, Rob Zombie will be able to get back to his own ideas and leave the remake trend in the dust.