Top 10 Worst Films of 2009

Naming the lead role after me gets you nowhere.

Here are the ten worst, hands-down-bad, terribly-awful, no-good, horrendously-horrible films of the year (so far):

10.  Aliens in the Attic - Three signs you shouldn't see a film: Studio changes the name to pull in any whining-begging kids that can read (was originally titled They Came From Upstairs); directors last film was a disaster (John Shultz's The Honeymooners); and studio won't let press see it early.

9.  Knowing - Walking out on Nick Cage films in theaters is becoming the norm for me - so if you rent this and manage to stay awake and in front of your TV until the end, please let me know how it ends.

8.  Land of the Lost - Even Will Ferrell die-hards and fans of the TV series won't laugh very often at this horrible spoof.

7.  My Life in Ruins - This film about a girl who has lost her kefi (Greek for "mojo") is one of the worst movies of all time!

6.  All About Steve - The stars of two of the summer’s biggest comedies - Sandra Bullock (The Proposal) and Bradley Cooper (The Hangover) come together in this unfortunate misfire - marking what could be the end of Sandra Bullock's career.

5.  Spread - You care less about Ashton Kutcher in this film than you do in real life.

4.  Post Grad - In all reality these actors aren't as awful as they seem, the script is just as bad as it could possibly get.

3.  I Love You, Beth Cooper - This film, like its star Hayden Panettiere, is the same formula for a teenage romantic comedy and poster girl you've seen a hundred times before. Beth Cooper lacks any originality and actually reinforces the stereotypes it attempts to exploit.

2.  The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard - The Goods is as bad as it gets, despite the mass amount of talent behind and in front of the camera.

And the worst film of the year is...

1.  Miss March - Here was my prediction back in March: "Miss March will be on one more list this year - Ten Worst Films of 2009." Call me Nostradamus.

Other films that just missed the top ten:

G-Force - Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer is an interesting combination that results in a far from interesting story or characters.

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt - A story about lawyers starring Michael Douglas has historically been a successful equation, but this time it equals complete failure.

Homecoming - The OC's Mischa Barton returns in another completely contrived story about high school love and crazy childish jealousy.

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 - Despite Denzel and Travolta's usual draw there seems to be a lack of interest in this remake of the much better original of the same name.

Five Fingers - You won't be able to get passed Laurence Fishburne and Ryan Phillippe's terrible accents to believe any part of this story about terrorism and torture.