Don't see it alone... seriously!
Not sure which movie to see this week in theaters? Let me help you out. The following is a list of films playing in the majority of theaters around the nation, and you'll start to see the studios rushing out the pre-Halloween not-so-scary movies before the monster that is Saw hits theaters and consumes the box-office numbers. However, just when you were starting to think you couldn't be scared by modern horror, one film finally hit theaters in limited release (after two years in post production) that is completely refreshing - and by refreshing I mean pee-your-pants, watch-through-your-fingers, crunched-in-the-back-of-your-seat paralyzing:
1. Paranormal Activity - See-it if you can - This film about a "real" haunted house might be a month too early, but hopefully that will give it time find a more wide release, because you HAVE to see this before Halloween. Paranormal Activity is an absolutely terrifying faux-documentary (think Blair Witch Project) that will having finally believing that horror movies can scare the living sh*t out of you again.
2. 9 - See-it - Besides being unable to connect with these strange creatures, this film has everything you want in a movie, including some spectacular visuals that will have you standing in line at your local Blu-ray dealer on some Tuesday in 2010.
3. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs - See-it - A delicious family comedy with a plate full of slapstick and a side of quirky humor.
4. Boys Are Back - See-it if you can - A funny yet touching film about a sportswriter/father played by Clive Owen, in his best performance to date and likely Oscar-nominated role.
5. The Informant! - Rent-it - Don't let the poorly marketed trailers fool you, this film is not a slapstick comedy, it's an ironic satire, and Matt Damon is quietly hilarious playing this corporate whistle-blower named Double-O-14.
6. Sorority Row - Rent-it - If you haven't seen the trailer (in other words, if you live in a log cabin with no TV or internet - but then how are you reading this?), this film might be worth catching in theaters - otherwise, wait for DVD.
7. Fame - Skip-it - Sorry all you SYTYCD fans, this reinvention of Fame is a dummied-down, unsophisticated version that's targeted at teens to make them think fame is all that truly matters in life.
8. Pandorum - Skip-it - Read this sentence and tell me you actually care what happens to these "two astronauts stranded on a spacecraft soon learn they're not alone."
9. Whiteout - Skip-it - If you went to see H2 or Final Destination 3-D and are hoping for a scary movie to satisfy your thirst for horror, Whiteout is not your answer. One sure sign of failure is a laughing audience during scenes intended to induce fear.
10. Jennifer's Body - Skip-it - A topless Megan Fox and R-rating will draw far too many movie-goers to this horror comedy with zero laughs and screams.
Other films in theaters that didn't make the top ten:
Surrogates - Skip-it - For a Bruce Willis film, Surrogates is massively being under-marketed - a sign that something disappointing abounds. Go rent Minority Report and then I Robot instead.
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell - Skip-it - A disappointing film adaptation one of the shocking books written by the always shocking and hilarious Tucker Max starring a midget, a fat girl, and a gaggle of strippers.
I Can Do Bad All By Myself - Skip-it - I'm always shocked Tyler Perry continues to attach his name to films and TV shows this pitiful.
Burning Plain - Skip-it - If you weren't sick of multiple fractured storylines in films yet, you will be after watching this romantic mystery starring two sexy blondes (Charlize Theron and Kim Basinger).
Love Happens - Skip-it - Love Happens is as bland, obvious, and sappy as its title.
Other Man - Skip-it - With names like Liam Neeson, Laura Linney and Antonio Banderas you might think this story about love and affairs might be interesting, but it’s far from Unfaithful and nowhere near Fatal Attraction.
All About Steve - Skip-it - The stars of two of the summer’s biggest comedies - Sandra Bullock (The Proposal) and Bradley Cooper (The Hangover) come together in this unfortunate misfire - marking what could be the end of Sandra Bullock's career.
Gamer - Skip-it - The latest testosterone charged thriller from Lionsgate will only draw ticket sales from real-life gamers and fans of 300/Gerard Butler. PWNED!
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