SNL skit coming out of the Tiger Woods (video)

According to Yahoo News, several media outlets have criticized Saturday Night Live (SNL) for their Tiger Woods skit, a parody of domestic violence. The two main criticisms: Rihanna, a victim of domestic violence, was the musical guest, and the topic was not something to make light of. Indeed, domestic violence crosses all boundaries, gender, racial and otherwise, and undermines families and communities. Despite its poor taste, Modern Love thinks the SNL skit and what is coming of out the Tiger Woods story may be beneficial after all.

In no way do I mean to minimize the embarrassment and suffering of the Woods family, nor do I sanction humor with regards to violence. Instead, I suggest that this brouhaha of non-news that has become news offers all of us an opportunity for reflection and growth.

Couples
On a personal level, Tiger Woods infidelity and rumors of mistresses opens the door for couples to talk about their values and expectations vis-à-vis marriage, fidelity and sex.

For example, what one person considers infidelity may not qualify as cheating to another. Some couples in open relationships approve of polyamory, and for them, sex with others is allowed. Other lovers may be hurt if they found out their spouse simply flirted with another. It is false to assume because you are married or cohabitating, your values and expectations of fidelity are the same or even compatible unless you’ve discussed it. (Gaylen Moore, the Cleveland Open Relationships examiner, writes extensively on this.)

Sex and intimacy are not synonymous, nor should they be confused as such. An authentic relationship, one of conscious loving, seeks to deepen and enhance pleasure, comittment and communication for couples, taking each lovers understanding of sex and intimacy into consideration. (On a side note, read 'The tip of your nose and seven lesser known erogenous zones,' for some playful ideas to bring some sex into your love life).

Cheating rarely occurs in a vacuum. Most often, the partner who cheats does so with the underlying desire to escape something – boredom, pressure, anxiety, or the sense of being trapped for example. Sometimes an underlying psychological dysfunction – sexual addiction – is to blame.

Communities
The SNL skit serves an important purpose: if we want to expose assumptions and fallacies in our thinking, flip things around. If Tiger Woods’ paramours were black women, would we still be reacting this way? Several comments on my own columns, as well as on other articles, lead me to believe that racism is partly to blame for our obsession with his sexcapades.

It’s not just ‘white’ America that takes issue with him. Other's have written compelling words showing how ‘black’ Americans have distanced themselves from the golfer.

What’s coming out the woods are underlying fallacies that show where we, as a community and as a country, still need to grow. Race relations and views on domestic violence are the obvious challenges, but there are other areas to consider.

For example, why do we care so much about whom our public figures bed? Is it because we expect better morality from them? The bible is rich with characters that rise and fall from grace, and are forgiven for it. Humanity hasn’t changed much, if at all, in those intervening centuries.

More importantly, when did it become okay for mistresses to sell their stories to the highest bidder? Rita Watson asks and answers that in her column, Tiger Woods mistresses: women disrespecting marriages. She writes, "We always blame men for infidelity. But men could not be unfaithful to their wives, if women were faithful to their sisters and respected marriage. I wonder if Tiger Woods would have received help if just one woman had the courage to call his wife."

Maybe our interest is not a matter of morality, but of our voyeuristic urges. Like watching porn, do we get our jollies from catching the rich and powerful with their pants down? Jealousy explains some of it. It is unimaginable for the average American to be able to buy and squander, as extreme wealth affords in a day, what takes most of us years to acquire. But jealousy doesn't fully address why we laugh at the despair of others.

And finally, as more women come forward, claiming to have known Tiger’s wood in the biblical sense, we see another underbelly of our society; the desire for fame and recognition, for success and glory, at any cost. Even if it means airing dirty laundry, fabricating falsehoods, spreading rumors, our embarrassing further a young wife who must deal with the fallout of her husband’s misdeeds.

The joke is on us
SNL may have done exactly what it intended to do, and then the joke is on us. Maybe they weren’t really trying to be funny after all. Maybe they just wanted us to talk, finally talk, about substantive matters, things like commitment, fidelity, race and gender relations, and domestic violence. Modern Love doesn’t really know, and it doesn’t really matter. What does is how we grow forward.

Related reading:

Tiger Woods mistresses: women disrespectful of marriage

Tiger Woods to do Oprah Show

Racism behind obsession with Tiger and Elin Wood's marriage, rumors

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All Modern Love Examiner articles ©2009 by Tinamarie Bernard; reposts permitted with link back to original article. All other rights reserved.